Post by "King Venom" Xavier Lux on Dec 14, 2023 14:29:26 GMT -5
OOC: Continued from: At the crossroads.... again...
Xavier is slowly waking up after passing out from discovering he was in the magical island of misfit toys.
Xavier: What the hell is that smell?
Xavier says in his mind with his eyes closed, as he feels himself being rocked back and forth not quite yet realizing that he is being carried over the shoulders of Yukon Cornelius, the mountain climber.
Xavier: Ugh, smells like Warthog’s ass… um, not, that I would know what that smells like…
He slowly opens his eyes and realizes that not only he is looking down but looking right at the hairy crack of the person carrying him.
Xavier: What in the name of George the Animal Steel?!
He begins squirming and manages to break free, falling into the deep snow.
Rudolph: Oh good, you’re awake!
Yukon: About time too, my shoulder was getting sore.
Xavier stands up, knee deep in snow and wipes the snow off his face.
Xavier: Wait, how am I still dreaming?!
The two of them along with Hermey the elf, look at each other confused.
Hermey: What makes you think you are dreaming?
Xavier: The fact that I am in an animated world talking to animated characters… or are you claymation?
Yukon: It’s a topic that is still debated to this day, let’s say stop-motion for now.
Rudolph: Besides, this is TPW, don’t you know that anything goes here?
They all break the fourth wall and stare at the camera briefly.
Xavier: Alright, fair enough. Well, listen, I don’t know how I got here or why, but I need to get out… I have a pay-per-view match at Winter Wrestleland vs. Mike Zybala and I cannot afford to miss that… I can’t lose this big match after losing my first WW one, granted, that was for the International title and much more meaningful… *sigh* this is depressing… how the mighty have fallen… Look at me now, probably wrestling in that dreaded number two spot… Everyone is going to be looking at their phones, getting drinks, talking about how crazy that opening bout was… While I am busting my ass trying to carry a guy I last saw in that prison yard match in OCW… Dude didn’t belong in the ring with me then, and he sure as hell doesn’t belong in it with me now despite how much time has gone by or how much “I have fallen”…
Snowman: Um, sorry son but none of us know what any of that means…
Xavier: AHHH!
Yukon, Rudolph, Hermey: AHHH!
Xavier: AHHH!
Yukon, Rudolph, Hermey: AHHH!
Snowman: What is it son?!
Xavier: A talking snowman! Up to now, I thought you were just a prop in the background!
Snowman: Come on, honestly? I have a vest and glasses on and I’m holding an umbrella. Haven’t you ever watched the story?
Xavier: Not really?
Snowman: Well, I am Sam the Snowman, nice to meet you friend.
Xavier: Uh huh…
Sam: Well, like I was saying… Most of what you were talking about didn’t make sense, but when you said: “how the mighty have fallen…” Perhaps you aren’t as great or good as you used to be… Perhaps you are feeling like you don’t have a place in the world anymore?
Xavier: Perhaps…
Sam: Perhaps you feel like an outcast?
Xavier: Oh hell no! Fudge that guy!
Sam: Language son! We’re a G rated movie! Well, perhaps you feel like a misfit… and that’s why you have been sent here, whether physically or subconsciously, it doesn’t matter. To teach you that hey, it’s okay if you don’t fit in any more… It’s okay if regardless of the ‘turn’ you make at the crossroads, you always end up choosing the wrong way… That it is indeed okay if you aren’t what you once were or what you hoped to one day be… You’re you, and regardless of your imperfections, you can still make a difference in this world.
Xavier looks around as everyone is in tears.
Xavier: Seriously?
Hermey: That didn’t make you all warm and fuzzy inside?
Xavier: I have venom running through my veins, what do you think?
Yukon: How are you not dead?
Rudolph: Yeah it sounds like that should kill you.
Hermey: Are you a witch?
Xavier: What? No! It’s just an expression, never mind. Okay, so let’s say I was sent here for that reason… Why don’t you tell me where exactly is here?
Sam: Well, we could tell you, but why don’t we sing a song about it instead?
Xavier: Oh for fucks’ sake…
Suddenly all kinds of fucked up looking toys appear and begin singing around Xavier.
Xavier: Well that was depressing as Fudge… So, you are all defective? I’m not defective!
Sam: Why you son of a b-*ahem* They’re MISFIT TOYS! They are different but still just as special and kids all over the world can still play with them… In your case, yeah, you’re not what you use to be perhaps, but you can still put on great matches? Perhaps still win championships?
Xavier: Yeah, just have to work my way back up like a common noob…
Sam: Well that’s okay, I’m sure you did something to get this high profile match?
Xavier: Not really, just beat a bunch of other misf-
They all look at him in horror.
Xavier: Losers… They were nothing special, just like Zybala is nothing special but a pay-per-view win is a win, and if earns me a shot at the Prestige championship or something else, then so be it.
Yukon: Well now that we’ve sung our song, it’s time for story time.
Everyone but Xavier cheers.
Xavier: Yeah, that’s not my thing.
Hermey: It’s a poem actually: A Visit from St. Nicholas!
Yukon stands atop of a rock and begins.
Yukon: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house-
But Xavier pushes him off and takes his place.
Xavier: Hold it now! That's played out! Fine, you want a song? I got a song for you… Rudolph, give me a beat!
Rudolph looks at Xavier and then at the other misfits confused.
Rudolph: Um, I don’t know that means…
Xavier rolls his eyes.
Xavier: Ugh, okay fine, just make some noises with your legs that make a nice rhythm.
Rudolph: Okay, I guess I can do that.
And so Rudolph begun to hop around, stomping his hooves, and all the misfit toys begin to nod their head up and down while others assist providing beat sounds as Xavier takes the snowman’s carrot nose off.
Sam: HEY!
He flips it and begins to use it like a microphone as he spit the hottest rhymes the north pole has ever heard.
… Or just, rip off and modify the lyrics for Kurtis Blow’s Christmas Rappin’
Rudolph: That didn’t really rhyme-
Xavier punts him across a frozen lake.
Xavier drops the carrot and poses like rappers did back in the 90’s.
Xavier: Word.
Sam picks up the carrot and puts it back on his face to reveal he is not amused at all. Xavier’s smile is wiped away as he sees he is surrounded by all the toys.
Xavier: Was it something I said?
Sam: GET HIM!
Sam leads the charge as all the toys charge Xavier who stumbles backwards, falling off the rock onto the snow but then getting up quickly and running away.
Xavier: Must be a country crowd!
He trips, rolling down a small hill and crashing against an ice wall. He shakes off the cobwebs as he gets up and notices he is once again surrounded. Right before they get him though, he is saved by a flying lion with a crown on his head.
Xavier: Argh! Who the hell are you?!
Lion: I am King Moonracer.
Xavier: Oh yes, on a deleted scene Charlie in the Box was telling me all about you, well thank you or saving me king!
King Moonracer: I did not save you.
Xavier: What? What do you mean?
King Moonracer: I am taking you to the pit of despair.
Xavier: The pit of what?!
As they fly past the snow-covered mountains, they reach an open area where the snow and the trees end… Where there is nothing but a black hole that seems to be swallowing everything within its vicinity.
Xavier: Wait a minute king! I don’t think that’s part of the story!
King Moonracer: Neither are you!
Xavier: NOOOO! Wait! I belong! I belong! I'm a misfit! I'm a misfiiiiiiiiit!!!
The king lets him go as Xavier goes flying into the darkness, screaming loudly. Xavier swings and kicks wildly, hoping to grow wings or something but to no avail as he is wrapped by the darkness. He fights it and fights until he lands hard with a thud.
Xavier: Ow.
He sits up and removes the black silk sheets he found himself wrapped in.
Xavier: Ugh, a Fuding nightmare, I knew it.
Just then a female’s voice speaks, coming from the bed he fell off from.
Female:Are you okay eh babe? Come back to bed eh?
Xavier thinks, as he doesn’t remember having any companions for the evening, or even making it to Canada. He shrugs and stands up, but upon seeing the woman in the bed he screams as he sees a human size Dolly the crying doll.
Xavier: AHHH!
Dolly: AHHH!
Xavier: AHHH!
Dolly:AHHH!
Xavier passes out again.
Xavier is slowly waking up after passing out from discovering he was in the magical island of misfit toys.
Xavier: What the hell is that smell?
Xavier says in his mind with his eyes closed, as he feels himself being rocked back and forth not quite yet realizing that he is being carried over the shoulders of Yukon Cornelius, the mountain climber.
Xavier: Ugh, smells like Warthog’s ass… um, not, that I would know what that smells like…
He slowly opens his eyes and realizes that not only he is looking down but looking right at the hairy crack of the person carrying him.
Xavier: What in the name of George the Animal Steel?!
He begins squirming and manages to break free, falling into the deep snow.
Rudolph: Oh good, you’re awake!
Yukon: About time too, my shoulder was getting sore.
Xavier stands up, knee deep in snow and wipes the snow off his face.
Xavier: Wait, how am I still dreaming?!
The two of them along with Hermey the elf, look at each other confused.
Hermey: What makes you think you are dreaming?
Xavier: The fact that I am in an animated world talking to animated characters… or are you claymation?
Yukon: It’s a topic that is still debated to this day, let’s say stop-motion for now.
Rudolph: Besides, this is TPW, don’t you know that anything goes here?
They all break the fourth wall and stare at the camera briefly.
Xavier: Alright, fair enough. Well, listen, I don’t know how I got here or why, but I need to get out… I have a pay-per-view match at Winter Wrestleland vs. Mike Zybala and I cannot afford to miss that… I can’t lose this big match after losing my first WW one, granted, that was for the International title and much more meaningful… *sigh* this is depressing… how the mighty have fallen… Look at me now, probably wrestling in that dreaded number two spot… Everyone is going to be looking at their phones, getting drinks, talking about how crazy that opening bout was… While I am busting my ass trying to carry a guy I last saw in that prison yard match in OCW… Dude didn’t belong in the ring with me then, and he sure as hell doesn’t belong in it with me now despite how much time has gone by or how much “I have fallen”…
Snowman: Um, sorry son but none of us know what any of that means…
Xavier: AHHH!
Yukon, Rudolph, Hermey: AHHH!
Xavier: AHHH!
Yukon, Rudolph, Hermey: AHHH!
Snowman: What is it son?!
Xavier: A talking snowman! Up to now, I thought you were just a prop in the background!
Snowman: Come on, honestly? I have a vest and glasses on and I’m holding an umbrella. Haven’t you ever watched the story?
Xavier: Not really?
Snowman: Well, I am Sam the Snowman, nice to meet you friend.
Xavier: Uh huh…
Sam: Well, like I was saying… Most of what you were talking about didn’t make sense, but when you said: “how the mighty have fallen…” Perhaps you aren’t as great or good as you used to be… Perhaps you are feeling like you don’t have a place in the world anymore?
Xavier: Perhaps…
Sam: Perhaps you feel like an outcast?
Xavier: Oh hell no! Fudge that guy!
Sam: Language son! We’re a G rated movie! Well, perhaps you feel like a misfit… and that’s why you have been sent here, whether physically or subconsciously, it doesn’t matter. To teach you that hey, it’s okay if you don’t fit in any more… It’s okay if regardless of the ‘turn’ you make at the crossroads, you always end up choosing the wrong way… That it is indeed okay if you aren’t what you once were or what you hoped to one day be… You’re you, and regardless of your imperfections, you can still make a difference in this world.
Xavier looks around as everyone is in tears.
Xavier: Seriously?
Hermey: That didn’t make you all warm and fuzzy inside?
Xavier: I have venom running through my veins, what do you think?
Yukon: How are you not dead?
Rudolph: Yeah it sounds like that should kill you.
Hermey: Are you a witch?
Xavier: What? No! It’s just an expression, never mind. Okay, so let’s say I was sent here for that reason… Why don’t you tell me where exactly is here?
Sam: Well, we could tell you, but why don’t we sing a song about it instead?
Xavier: Oh for fucks’ sake…
Suddenly all kinds of fucked up looking toys appear and begin singing around Xavier.
Xavier: Well that was depressing as Fudge… So, you are all defective? I’m not defective!
Sam: Why you son of a b-*ahem* They’re MISFIT TOYS! They are different but still just as special and kids all over the world can still play with them… In your case, yeah, you’re not what you use to be perhaps, but you can still put on great matches? Perhaps still win championships?
Xavier: Yeah, just have to work my way back up like a common noob…
Sam: Well that’s okay, I’m sure you did something to get this high profile match?
Xavier: Not really, just beat a bunch of other misf-
They all look at him in horror.
Xavier: Losers… They were nothing special, just like Zybala is nothing special but a pay-per-view win is a win, and if earns me a shot at the Prestige championship or something else, then so be it.
Yukon: Well now that we’ve sung our song, it’s time for story time.
Everyone but Xavier cheers.
Xavier: Yeah, that’s not my thing.
Hermey: It’s a poem actually: A Visit from St. Nicholas!
Yukon stands atop of a rock and begins.
Yukon: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house-
But Xavier pushes him off and takes his place.
Xavier: Hold it now! That's played out! Fine, you want a song? I got a song for you… Rudolph, give me a beat!
Rudolph looks at Xavier and then at the other misfits confused.
Rudolph: Um, I don’t know that means…
Xavier rolls his eyes.
Xavier: Ugh, okay fine, just make some noises with your legs that make a nice rhythm.
Rudolph: Okay, I guess I can do that.
And so Rudolph begun to hop around, stomping his hooves, and all the misfit toys begin to nod their head up and down while others assist providing beat sounds as Xavier takes the snowman’s carrot nose off.
Sam: HEY!
He flips it and begins to use it like a microphone as he spit the hottest rhymes the north pole has ever heard.
Don't you give me all that jive about things you wrote before I's alive
'Cause this ain't 1823 -- ain't even 1993
'Cause this ain't 1823 -- ain't even 1993
… Or just, rip off and modify the lyrics for Kurtis Blow’s Christmas Rappin’
Now I'm the man with venom in his veins, and Christmas is one thing I know
So every year just about this time, I celebrate it by whippin’ someone’s ass
So every year just about this time, I celebrate it by whippin’ someone’s ass
Rudolph: That didn’t really rhyme-
Xavier punts him across a frozen lake.
In this case is Zybala so gonna shake it, gonna bake it, gonna beat his ass really good
It’s not a-falls count anywhere match but gonna rock-shock-clock it through your neighborhood
Gonna talk, gonna sing it till it's understood
My rappin' bout to happen like a tight you've been slapping
Or a toe you've been dropping on a hunky dude
Bout to fight a pimpled-faced dude with a friendly attitude
Living in a house full of crabby grass for the yardies on the neighborhood
He can’t grow a beard, and definitely looks very odd
And if you ever see him, he could give you quite a shock
Now people let me tell ya about earlier this year
When the dude came flying over here
To TPW, and decided to throw down
Trying to shut down Xavier’s party down
And Alexander Marshall made me face
The dude without my wrestling gear in place
But the beat was thumping on the box
And I was wrestling in my socks
And the guitar from The Infection lay down a heavy layer
Of the funky junky rhythm that made Mikey say a prayer
And then he decided not to participate
Claiming just giving me the rub would be so sweet
Man he put us in some kind of mood
Causing himself to get booed
He’s a joke, disappeared like smoke, after doing a little bit of whine
-ing.. Fast forward a few weeks, and I called the dude out to the top of the roof
Could it be he would answer? I was feeling super fine
So I waited in the ring until I thought heard the static
Then his music hit and he finally came in
And the noise from the fans caused such a pop
His face smeared full of ribs and I put the challenge in
He was roly, he was poly, and I said, "Holy moly!
You got a lot of sauce on your chinny chin chin"
He allowed he was proud of the smeared little crowd
On the point of his jaw where the skin should've been
He looked like a fool but I still stretched out my hand
And challenged him for a match in the ring at Winter Wrestleland
The dude may be weird with his face totally smeared
But he got to eat 'cause it makes him warm in the storm when it's ten below
I said, "I don’t care about the ribs, or the weather
Just tell me if you accept before you go?"
He said, "Why not if the music's hot?
And I'll chance a dance beneath the mistletoe"
So he took his leave and I assumed that was a yes?
The match will be hot, we will dance in the ring, but forget the mess
About the mistletoe, so at the pay-per-view I’m going to rock his world
Do the boogie oogie oogied til he can’t go no mo’
And before I beat him, I’m going to embarrass him
Going to bring a Poop load of crabgrass in big red bags
Going to fill the ring from the top to the bottom
And rub his ass all over it as well as his gonads
And then give him a big present too
A new TV or a stereo?
A new Seville bout as blue as the sky?
The best that money could buy?
No, this gift is one that gives the feeling
The one that comes from never winning
The way you feel about someone who is not your friend
And this is how his story will end
With his head driven to the mat..
A victim of The Cure, his brains gone splat
And if he were right here tonight
I would tell him, it may be Christmas
but it won’t be a good night.
It’s not a-falls count anywhere match but gonna rock-shock-clock it through your neighborhood
Gonna talk, gonna sing it till it's understood
My rappin' bout to happen like a tight you've been slapping
Or a toe you've been dropping on a hunky dude
Bout to fight a pimpled-faced dude with a friendly attitude
Living in a house full of crabby grass for the yardies on the neighborhood
He can’t grow a beard, and definitely looks very odd
And if you ever see him, he could give you quite a shock
Now people let me tell ya about earlier this year
When the dude came flying over here
To TPW, and decided to throw down
Trying to shut down Xavier’s party down
And Alexander Marshall made me face
The dude without my wrestling gear in place
But the beat was thumping on the box
And I was wrestling in my socks
And the guitar from The Infection lay down a heavy layer
Of the funky junky rhythm that made Mikey say a prayer
And then he decided not to participate
Claiming just giving me the rub would be so sweet
Man he put us in some kind of mood
Causing himself to get booed
He’s a joke, disappeared like smoke, after doing a little bit of whine
-ing.. Fast forward a few weeks, and I called the dude out to the top of the roof
Could it be he would answer? I was feeling super fine
So I waited in the ring until I thought heard the static
Then his music hit and he finally came in
And the noise from the fans caused such a pop
His face smeared full of ribs and I put the challenge in
He was roly, he was poly, and I said, "Holy moly!
You got a lot of sauce on your chinny chin chin"
He allowed he was proud of the smeared little crowd
On the point of his jaw where the skin should've been
He looked like a fool but I still stretched out my hand
And challenged him for a match in the ring at Winter Wrestleland
The dude may be weird with his face totally smeared
But he got to eat 'cause it makes him warm in the storm when it's ten below
I said, "I don’t care about the ribs, or the weather
Just tell me if you accept before you go?"
He said, "Why not if the music's hot?
And I'll chance a dance beneath the mistletoe"
So he took his leave and I assumed that was a yes?
The match will be hot, we will dance in the ring, but forget the mess
About the mistletoe, so at the pay-per-view I’m going to rock his world
Do the boogie oogie oogied til he can’t go no mo’
And before I beat him, I’m going to embarrass him
Going to bring a Poop load of crabgrass in big red bags
Going to fill the ring from the top to the bottom
And rub his ass all over it as well as his gonads
And then give him a big present too
A new TV or a stereo?
A new Seville bout as blue as the sky?
The best that money could buy?
No, this gift is one that gives the feeling
The one that comes from never winning
The way you feel about someone who is not your friend
And this is how his story will end
With his head driven to the mat..
A victim of The Cure, his brains gone splat
And if he were right here tonight
I would tell him, it may be Christmas
but it won’t be a good night.
Xavier drops the carrot and poses like rappers did back in the 90’s.
Xavier: Word.
Sam picks up the carrot and puts it back on his face to reveal he is not amused at all. Xavier’s smile is wiped away as he sees he is surrounded by all the toys.
Xavier: Was it something I said?
Sam: GET HIM!
Sam leads the charge as all the toys charge Xavier who stumbles backwards, falling off the rock onto the snow but then getting up quickly and running away.
Xavier: Must be a country crowd!
He trips, rolling down a small hill and crashing against an ice wall. He shakes off the cobwebs as he gets up and notices he is once again surrounded. Right before they get him though, he is saved by a flying lion with a crown on his head.
Xavier: Argh! Who the hell are you?!
Lion: I am King Moonracer.
Xavier: Oh yes, on a deleted scene Charlie in the Box was telling me all about you, well thank you or saving me king!
King Moonracer: I did not save you.
Xavier: What? What do you mean?
King Moonracer: I am taking you to the pit of despair.
Xavier: The pit of what?!
As they fly past the snow-covered mountains, they reach an open area where the snow and the trees end… Where there is nothing but a black hole that seems to be swallowing everything within its vicinity.
Xavier: Wait a minute king! I don’t think that’s part of the story!
King Moonracer: Neither are you!
Xavier: NOOOO! Wait! I belong! I belong! I'm a misfit! I'm a misfiiiiiiiiit!!!
The king lets him go as Xavier goes flying into the darkness, screaming loudly. Xavier swings and kicks wildly, hoping to grow wings or something but to no avail as he is wrapped by the darkness. He fights it and fights until he lands hard with a thud.
Xavier: Ow.
He sits up and removes the black silk sheets he found himself wrapped in.
Xavier: Ugh, a Fuding nightmare, I knew it.
Just then a female’s voice speaks, coming from the bed he fell off from.
Female:Are you okay eh babe? Come back to bed eh?
Xavier thinks, as he doesn’t remember having any companions for the evening, or even making it to Canada. He shrugs and stands up, but upon seeing the woman in the bed he screams as he sees a human size Dolly the crying doll.
Xavier: AHHH!
Dolly: AHHH!
Xavier: AHHH!
Dolly:AHHH!
Xavier passes out again.
Fin.
Word count: 2247 via wordcounter.net
