Post by zybala on Dec 20, 2023 17:00:34 GMT -5
~ It's pandemonium! A hoard of people are standing outside a large ornate gate with a huge “Z” encircled on top. Behind that gate is a large factory with an imposing double door in front with a red carpet running from the door to the gate. News crews are all talking at once to their respective cameras. Others seem to be fans holding signs and banners, alongside other onlookers. Everyone is struggling to get as close as they can to the gate to get the best possible view of what's to come.
Closest to the gate are three children with a parent and one tall “child” who is wearing a pair of fake glasses and nose combo with a blatantly cheap wig (think Raggedy Andy hair) and reeking of desperation. We all can tell who this is supposed to be. It's not, because of legal reasons, but you get the point. He is sweating bullets, afraid of being found out. His adult also looks familiar, but their face is covered by a face mask. Still matters to be Covid Cautious, folks. The other parents keep their kids away from the desperate looking “kid” as we focus on one reporter. Thanks to the power of video editing, we can hear her over the din of the crowd. ~
Reporter: Thank you Jacquie and Tom. We are indeed standing outside of legendary wrestler Mike Zybala's “Greatitarium Emporium”, a mysterious place which Mr Zybala himself has contributed all of his success to. For two decades, it has been closed off to the public. That is until Zybala releases a new line of Zybala action figures; four of which had all gold mini championship belts hidden in the packaging. The lucky ones who found the belts were invited here today! What will these four…. wait! The doors are opening!
~ The factory's automatic doors indeed spread apart and open as a hush falls over the crowd. Tension builds as nothing happens right away, but a massive cheer is let out as Mike Zybala walks out! He is wearing a Green Ranger inspired suit. The top hat is designed like the helmet, and the cane is painted to resemble the Sword of Darkness, because a Dragon Dagger is too small to be a cane. He walks with a limp down the red carpet all the way to the gate. He staggers a bit and the crowd gasps as Zybala falls forward!
The gasp turns to cheers as Zybala rolls through with a somersault into a superkick to open the gate! He takes a bow before going up to the children, who clap while holding their tiny belts to show their hero. He looks over them with a prideful smile. Zybala raises his arms and the crowd quiets. We can see he is wearing a microphone headset. He taps the ear piece. ~
Zybala: Look at all these wonderful faces. Full of such hope and wonder. I bet you're all wondering why I would allow people into my Greatitarium Emporium after all these years. Especially when I should be preparing for my match against Xavier Lux at Winter Wrestleland. Firstly, calling it a match implies that we're equal, and we all know that Xavier is just a greedy little lad who wants to hog all of my great presence for himself. He is hoping to become relevant by using my good name to be next to his on the posters. Xavier is a selfish little man who doesn't know how to appreciate the Gift of Zybala.
~ Everyone boos and the kids even shout “Xavier Sux!” Yes, you can hear the play on words. Fourth wall magic, ladies and gents. Everyone, that is, except for the tall “kid”; who looks very nervous. Zybala smiles again at the kids. ~
Zybala: But these children appreciate it. They could have chosen any other toy. They could have chosen any other wrestler. They even could have picked an Xavier figure to show pity to the poor wretch's self-esteem this holiday season. But they chose the best! They chose greatness! And for that, they were rewarded with a once in a lifetime opportunity to enter my factory.
~ Zybala kneels in front of one child who fidgets nervously~
Zybala: And what's your name, son?
Kid: Petey Vaughn, sir.
Zybala: Welcome, Petey! How wonderful to have you!
~ He moves on to the next child, a small girl. ~
Zybala: And your name, sweetheart?
Girl: I'm Lea Aguero!
Zybala: It is a pleasure, dear lady. And you lad? The one with impeccable taste.
~ Zybala turns to a boy wearing a AC/DC “THUNDERSTRUCK” shirt. ~
Boy #2: Terry Marsh and AC/DC rocks!
~ The crowd chuckles as Zybala throws up a metal hand gesture to the kid before going to the tall “kid”. ~
Zybala: Damn. Puberty sure hit you hard. And your name?
“The Kid”: Xavi…. I mean! Uh… Marcus! Yeah! Marcus Pacoson!
~ Zybala doesn't look the least bit suspicious. He sees the best in everyone, after all. He smiles and spreads his arms wide. ~
Zybala: Welcome, young Marcus. Welcome one and all! Now, do you all have your golden titles?
~ The children reach into their pockets and pull out the little toys. Zybala smiles wider and claps his hands together. ~
Zybala: Fantabulous! Now, parents, children. Follow me. The rest of you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
~ The winners and their parents follow Zybala as the onlookers get the fudge out of there. Except for one magic camera that allows us to see what happens with the main character. We all have one for promos, yet act surprised and offended when “private” conversations are mentioned by the opponent.
Anywho, when the group enters the factory, the doors close behind them. They find themselves in complete darkness and one of them lets out a high pitched scream. Someone claps once and the lights come on. We see Xav… MARCUS… clinging to his parent while the other kids look unimpressed. Zybala spreads his arms wide. ~
Zybala: Welcome… to my Greatitarium Emporium!
~ The crowd oohs and aahs as Zybala is about to explain what they see. ~
Zybala: You folks are looking at the most complete training facility this side of Ivan Drago's in Rocky Four. You don't get to ooze greatness like I do without putting in the work. Inside the edge of the factory is a mile-long track. Over there are your standard free weights. To your left, a few elliptical machines. To your right, a matted area for wrestling training. Towards the back left is the cafeteria area. And towards the back right is a lounge area filled with high-end Brookestone massage chairs where I do my best thinking. Between those two sections are the other seats where I do my other best thinking.
~ The adults chuckle as the kids look confused. Moving on, Zybala turns to the kids. ~
Zybala: Now then. I have another special treat for you besides just being around me. Who wants to see my super secret training routine that has not only won me over twenty championships, but earned me two Hall of Fame spots, and has made me a force in the ring?
~ The kids get excited, Marcus especially so. Think Buddy the Elf when he heard Santa was coming to the store. We flash forward in time because it's called super secret for a reason. We see Zybala sweating and panting as the group applauds. Terry Marsh raises his hand. Zybala points at him and nods. ~
Terry: Was the backflips at the end really necessary?
Zybala: They were, actually. Unlike a cranky southern wrestling man thinks, the flippy stuff has become an integral part of wrestling. Thus, necessary. Yes… Marcus, right?
Xav….Marcus: Yes sir. First, that was so cool! Anyone would be lucky to get in the ring with you! Even if they've already had a turn! What if their career is in such a rut that only being in the ring with you can bring me… I mean.. them out of it? What if they NEED to face you to get any relevance they once had?!
Zybala: Well, greatness is very addictive, especially second hand greatness. Too much of it can lead to dire consequences.
Mar-vier: But you are practically made of greatness! Why aren't you affected?!
Zybala: Because natural greatness is something you're born with. Your body is acclimated to it. If you are destined to be great, it doesn't hurt you. Which is why I'm choosy about who I train and prop up in companies. But if you're not meant for great things, the results can be dire!
Marcus Lux: I call bullsh!t! Let me leech off of you!!!
~ With a roar, the glasses and fake nose are ripped off. The wig goes flying to reveal a dome so smooth that it would make Mr. Clean jealous. Zybala gasps. The now revealed to be an adult male who represents the man who has chosen poorly to request another match with Zybala rushes and hugs him. ~
Xavi-cus: LET ME HAVE THAT SWEET, SECOND HAND, ZYBALA GREATNESS!! I NEED IT TO REMAIN RELEVANT!! I NEED…. ARGH!!
~ The heavy handed metaphor for Zybala's Winter Wrestleland opponent falls to the ground convulsing. The group screams, except the actual patent, who drinks from a flask before proclaiming “I got six more useful ones.” Zybala shakes his head. ~
Zybala: I knew this would happen. He is overdosing from second-hand greatness! Time to summon the Alex Marshalls!
~ Zybala pulls out a miniature Dragon Dagger and plays a few notes. A few seconds pass before several Oompa Loompa looking rip offs appear from random doors. One pushes a gurney up to “Xavier” as the other walk up to the body. They all circle the prone loser and start singing and dancing in unison in a very familiar way. ~
~ The Alex Marshalls hoist the victim, not too gently, onto the gurney before walking him towards the exit. Zybala shakes his head as he watches them leave. ~
Zybala: To overdose on that sweet Zybala Bump. What a way to go…
Petey: He'll be okay, won't he?
~ Zybala spins around to face the worried group. He puts on his best smile to reassure them. ~
Zybala: Don't you worry about him. He was a naughty boy who got what he deserved. He wasn't like the rest of you good kids who are the future stars of whatever you put your mind to! Though… (turns to the masked father) I am sorry about your son.
Fake-Paco: Pfffft! Who? HIM?! What a waste of time. Now, his familia Hector and Victor! Those boys are great! Best in the family, I would say. That one? Not even a percent of their pure talent…
Zybala: Right…. OK, who wants to see what goodies the cafeteria has??
~ All the kids excitedly raise their hands. Zybala smiles again as he leads the group towards the cafeteria. They are quickly followed by the Alex Marshalls. The camera pans over to the exit to see the gurney tipped over, and “Xavier” laying in the doorway, the automatic doors opening and closing on his rips as the scene fades to black. ~
Closest to the gate are three children with a parent and one tall “child” who is wearing a pair of fake glasses and nose combo with a blatantly cheap wig (think Raggedy Andy hair) and reeking of desperation. We all can tell who this is supposed to be. It's not, because of legal reasons, but you get the point. He is sweating bullets, afraid of being found out. His adult also looks familiar, but their face is covered by a face mask. Still matters to be Covid Cautious, folks. The other parents keep their kids away from the desperate looking “kid” as we focus on one reporter. Thanks to the power of video editing, we can hear her over the din of the crowd. ~
Reporter: Thank you Jacquie and Tom. We are indeed standing outside of legendary wrestler Mike Zybala's “Greatitarium Emporium”, a mysterious place which Mr Zybala himself has contributed all of his success to. For two decades, it has been closed off to the public. That is until Zybala releases a new line of Zybala action figures; four of which had all gold mini championship belts hidden in the packaging. The lucky ones who found the belts were invited here today! What will these four…. wait! The doors are opening!
~ The factory's automatic doors indeed spread apart and open as a hush falls over the crowd. Tension builds as nothing happens right away, but a massive cheer is let out as Mike Zybala walks out! He is wearing a Green Ranger inspired suit. The top hat is designed like the helmet, and the cane is painted to resemble the Sword of Darkness, because a Dragon Dagger is too small to be a cane. He walks with a limp down the red carpet all the way to the gate. He staggers a bit and the crowd gasps as Zybala falls forward!
The gasp turns to cheers as Zybala rolls through with a somersault into a superkick to open the gate! He takes a bow before going up to the children, who clap while holding their tiny belts to show their hero. He looks over them with a prideful smile. Zybala raises his arms and the crowd quiets. We can see he is wearing a microphone headset. He taps the ear piece. ~
Zybala: Look at all these wonderful faces. Full of such hope and wonder. I bet you're all wondering why I would allow people into my Greatitarium Emporium after all these years. Especially when I should be preparing for my match against Xavier Lux at Winter Wrestleland. Firstly, calling it a match implies that we're equal, and we all know that Xavier is just a greedy little lad who wants to hog all of my great presence for himself. He is hoping to become relevant by using my good name to be next to his on the posters. Xavier is a selfish little man who doesn't know how to appreciate the Gift of Zybala.
~ Everyone boos and the kids even shout “Xavier Sux!” Yes, you can hear the play on words. Fourth wall magic, ladies and gents. Everyone, that is, except for the tall “kid”; who looks very nervous. Zybala smiles again at the kids. ~
Zybala: But these children appreciate it. They could have chosen any other toy. They could have chosen any other wrestler. They even could have picked an Xavier figure to show pity to the poor wretch's self-esteem this holiday season. But they chose the best! They chose greatness! And for that, they were rewarded with a once in a lifetime opportunity to enter my factory.
~ Zybala kneels in front of one child who fidgets nervously~
Zybala: And what's your name, son?
Kid: Petey Vaughn, sir.
Zybala: Welcome, Petey! How wonderful to have you!
~ He moves on to the next child, a small girl. ~
Zybala: And your name, sweetheart?
Girl: I'm Lea Aguero!
Zybala: It is a pleasure, dear lady. And you lad? The one with impeccable taste.
~ Zybala turns to a boy wearing a AC/DC “THUNDERSTRUCK” shirt. ~
Boy #2: Terry Marsh and AC/DC rocks!
~ The crowd chuckles as Zybala throws up a metal hand gesture to the kid before going to the tall “kid”. ~
Zybala: Damn. Puberty sure hit you hard. And your name?
“The Kid”: Xavi…. I mean! Uh… Marcus! Yeah! Marcus Pacoson!
~ Zybala doesn't look the least bit suspicious. He sees the best in everyone, after all. He smiles and spreads his arms wide. ~
Zybala: Welcome, young Marcus. Welcome one and all! Now, do you all have your golden titles?
~ The children reach into their pockets and pull out the little toys. Zybala smiles wider and claps his hands together. ~
Zybala: Fantabulous! Now, parents, children. Follow me. The rest of you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
~ The winners and their parents follow Zybala as the onlookers get the fudge out of there. Except for one magic camera that allows us to see what happens with the main character. We all have one for promos, yet act surprised and offended when “private” conversations are mentioned by the opponent.
Anywho, when the group enters the factory, the doors close behind them. They find themselves in complete darkness and one of them lets out a high pitched scream. Someone claps once and the lights come on. We see Xav… MARCUS… clinging to his parent while the other kids look unimpressed. Zybala spreads his arms wide. ~
Zybala: Welcome… to my Greatitarium Emporium!
~ The crowd oohs and aahs as Zybala is about to explain what they see. ~
Zybala: You folks are looking at the most complete training facility this side of Ivan Drago's in Rocky Four. You don't get to ooze greatness like I do without putting in the work. Inside the edge of the factory is a mile-long track. Over there are your standard free weights. To your left, a few elliptical machines. To your right, a matted area for wrestling training. Towards the back left is the cafeteria area. And towards the back right is a lounge area filled with high-end Brookestone massage chairs where I do my best thinking. Between those two sections are the other seats where I do my other best thinking.
~ The adults chuckle as the kids look confused. Moving on, Zybala turns to the kids. ~
Zybala: Now then. I have another special treat for you besides just being around me. Who wants to see my super secret training routine that has not only won me over twenty championships, but earned me two Hall of Fame spots, and has made me a force in the ring?
~ The kids get excited, Marcus especially so. Think Buddy the Elf when he heard Santa was coming to the store. We flash forward in time because it's called super secret for a reason. We see Zybala sweating and panting as the group applauds. Terry Marsh raises his hand. Zybala points at him and nods. ~
Terry: Was the backflips at the end really necessary?
Zybala: They were, actually. Unlike a cranky southern wrestling man thinks, the flippy stuff has become an integral part of wrestling. Thus, necessary. Yes… Marcus, right?
Xav….Marcus: Yes sir. First, that was so cool! Anyone would be lucky to get in the ring with you! Even if they've already had a turn! What if their career is in such a rut that only being in the ring with you can bring me… I mean.. them out of it? What if they NEED to face you to get any relevance they once had?!
Zybala: Well, greatness is very addictive, especially second hand greatness. Too much of it can lead to dire consequences.
Mar-vier: But you are practically made of greatness! Why aren't you affected?!
Zybala: Because natural greatness is something you're born with. Your body is acclimated to it. If you are destined to be great, it doesn't hurt you. Which is why I'm choosy about who I train and prop up in companies. But if you're not meant for great things, the results can be dire!
Marcus Lux: I call bullsh!t! Let me leech off of you!!!
~ With a roar, the glasses and fake nose are ripped off. The wig goes flying to reveal a dome so smooth that it would make Mr. Clean jealous. Zybala gasps. The now revealed to be an adult male who represents the man who has chosen poorly to request another match with Zybala rushes and hugs him. ~
Xavi-cus: LET ME HAVE THAT SWEET, SECOND HAND, ZYBALA GREATNESS!! I NEED IT TO REMAIN RELEVANT!! I NEED…. ARGH!!
~ The heavy handed metaphor for Zybala's Winter Wrestleland opponent falls to the ground convulsing. The group screams, except the actual patent, who drinks from a flask before proclaiming “I got six more useful ones.” Zybala shakes his head. ~
Zybala: I knew this would happen. He is overdosing from second-hand greatness! Time to summon the Alex Marshalls!
~ Zybala pulls out a miniature Dragon Dagger and plays a few notes. A few seconds pass before several Oompa Loompa looking rip offs appear from random doors. One pushes a gurney up to “Xavier” as the other walk up to the body. They all circle the prone loser and start singing and dancing in unison in a very familiar way. ~
Al-ex Mar-shall, flug-a-tee flooze,
When you face Zybala, you're sure to lose.
Al-ex Mar-shall, Xavier’s a hack,
Why did we ever sign this guy back?
Why did you want a match at this holiday show?
Where the ref follows you wherever you go.
It would have been safer to stay at home.
Now Mike will have to break your eve-ry bone.
Xavier’s gonna get hurt.
Al-ex Mar-shall, hobble-dee hump,
Why do you crave that Zybala Bump?
Al-ex Mar-shall, full of re-gret,
Can you please, give back your contract?
Why do you think you will win this fight?
When you know Mike will knock out your lights.
Why do you want to be so broken and bruised?
Do you want your legs unable to be used?
I think he's gonna get crippled.
Al-ex Mar-shall, look at this fool,
He should have followed the golden rule.
Al-ex Mar-shall, let's load him up, guys.
We better hurry, before he dies.
~ The Alex Marshalls hoist the victim, not too gently, onto the gurney before walking him towards the exit. Zybala shakes his head as he watches them leave. ~
Zybala: To overdose on that sweet Zybala Bump. What a way to go…
Petey: He'll be okay, won't he?
~ Zybala spins around to face the worried group. He puts on his best smile to reassure them. ~
Zybala: Don't you worry about him. He was a naughty boy who got what he deserved. He wasn't like the rest of you good kids who are the future stars of whatever you put your mind to! Though… (turns to the masked father) I am sorry about your son.
Fake-Paco: Pfffft! Who? HIM?! What a waste of time. Now, his familia Hector and Victor! Those boys are great! Best in the family, I would say. That one? Not even a percent of their pure talent…
Zybala: Right…. OK, who wants to see what goodies the cafeteria has??
~ All the kids excitedly raise their hands. Zybala smiles again as he leads the group towards the cafeteria. They are quickly followed by the Alex Marshalls. The camera pans over to the exit to see the gurney tipped over, and “Xavier” laying in the doorway, the automatic doors opening and closing on his rips as the scene fades to black. ~
