Post by Andrea Hernandez on Dec 20, 2023 23:57:50 GMT -5
“This is it?” I asked out loud as a psychic and I wanted into a cold, out of service ambulance. I was feeling quite nervous for what was about to happen as she handed me one of the two candles in her hand.
“Ambulance 72… the one your father died in a few years back. This is the one…”
The psychic shut the door behind us and I felt this cold chill down my spine.
“Is this something you feel like you can handle?” she asked me as she lit both of our candles.
“Yes…” I said with a slight stutter. “The deepest battle scars of my career started when my first world title was lost, but they got exponentially worse when my dad died… and I never got over it because I never got to say goodbye…”
“I understand…” she empathized. “It hurts to lose someone you love the way you did.”
I started shivering out of nowhere and the temperature in the ambulance seemed to have dropped substantially.
“Oh my gosh, it got so cold in here…” I said, trying not to panic.
“Good, that means we’ve triggered his presence.”
“Is he actually going to… you know… show up?”
“I’ve helped cross so many people over, Andrea. Your father isn’t at peace because there’s one thing that he never got to resolve and I’m positive that it has something to do wi…”
I became confused by her sudden pause.
“Is something wrong?”
“He’s here…”
“Okay, this is some Melinda Gordon stuff right here…” I said, referencing an old television show named ‘Ghost Whisperer’. “Do you actually see him?”
“I sense his aura… it’s as if he’s sitting right next to you. I need you to concentrate on the message he wants to send you…”
I didn’t say a word, merely nodding. I wasn’t sure if this was actually going to help me, but considering I still wasn’t over his passing more than three years later, I was willing to do whatever it took to heal.
“He says that he’s proud of you for the progress you’ve made this year…” the psychic relays. “But he admits that he can’t move on unless he knows you’re okay.”
“Aren’t I okay?” I asked the psychic.
“He says that you have ways to go…”
I sighed hearing this which was pretty typical when I heard something like that from my father.
“He says that you are strong for wrestling with a broken heart for as long as you have. He desires to see you succeed to your ultimate potential in the coming year…”
“But do you know how I can get there?” I asked the psychic.
“Ask him… not me…”
“The best advice he wants to give you right now is that in order to reach your fullest potential in your career, you have to learn how to be more forgiving…”
“More forgiving?” I asked with confusion.
“He understands that your brother’s abuse of you is the biggest thing you have to forgive….”
My jaw dropped in disbelief.
“There’s no way I can do that… Dad, you said some crazy things when you were alive and I know most of the time, it wasn’t so crazy after all, but to forgive Roddy for what he did to me? I can’t do that. I can’t let him get away with what he did to me…”
“He understands and says that…”
While the psychic was drifting, I felt like I was in a trance. I tuned out of what she was saying and imagined that my father and I were having a conversation right then and there in the ambulance he died in.
“...forgiveness is a complicated thing, Andrea…” he says to me. “It’s hard to forgive other people when you haven’t even forgiven yourself. If you want to lighten that heavy load you’ve been carrying in your heart and soar to heights you’ve never seen before without that dead wait, you’ve got to forgive… and you have to start with yourself…”
“Forgive myself?” I asked, not understanding quite yet. “For what?”
“For your past failures and mistakes in your career…” he mentions. “You were the most eager and passionate person I’ve ever trained to be a wrestler and you have done me proud. But you’ve always been so hard on yourself. Early in your career, when things weren’t going your way, you’d always say that you’d never make it, remember?”
I nodded at this.
“You have to forgive yourself for your failures in places like UWA, OCW, SCW… very much especially the latter. I know that first world title reign you had back there is still the biggest disappointment you’ve ever gone through in your career…”
“It is. I wish I could’ve done so much better with that and instead of handing it like an actual champion, that battle scar cut me so deep I let it change me into a horrible, rotten person for the rest of my career there. I’m happy that I’ve recovered some from that and I’m grateful that I’m the Prestige Champion and that by the end of this year, I can have one more chance to be the world champion I wanted to be. But I don’t feel like I’ve fully recovered from that…”
“You won’t until you learn how to forgive yourself and let go of your shortcomings…” he told me. “You’re involved in the biggest opportunities of your career to date right now and the fact that you even have that Prestige Championship despite having a long way to go is a testament to how strong you REALLY are. I understand Roddy has left you feeling like you’re a weakling and that subsequent experiences have added on, but you never were weak.”
I started tearing up a bit realizing that I had the wrong perception of myself all of these years.
“God Andrea, you might be the strongest woman I ever knew in my life. Your mother and I raised the best daughter we could possibly have…”
I felt this warn sensation sweep over my shoulders as if he was wrapping an arm around me.
“It’s time for me to cross over, Andrea…”
“Dad, no… not yet…” I said with a slight quiver.
“You’re ready to move forward now…”
“It’s too soon! How can you think I’m ready?”
“I don’t think you’re ready, I KNOW you’re ready. I’ve given you all that you need to be able to break through the way you’ve been wanting to do so for years. Your career year is coming, Andrea. Make it a reality!”
“Forgive myself… that’s what I have to do…”
“That’s my girl…” he told me as I could feel the ambulance start to warm up a little. “Goodbye, Andrea…”
I took in the shock of everything that just happened but not for long as the psychic snapped me out of my train of thought.
“He’s gone, Andrea…”
“He crossed over…” I said with a sigh.
“But you are ready…”
“I was never the failure, the embarrassment or the ‘fairy tale’ other people said I was…” I admitted to myself. “When it comes to adversity, I’m going to handle it so much better from now on. I forgive myself for those shortcomings but even more for allowing those shortcomings to rob me of my identity as a wrestler… and as a person. I forgive myself for not being strong in moments like that. I know I can do this on my own… and I’m ready to take that next step…”
“Good…” the psychic tells me as she opens the door to the ambulance and makes her exit from it.
“Thank you…” I told her as I got out.
“No, thank you for being so cooperative…” she countered. “Best of luck to you and peace be with you…”
We parted ways and I was left alone with the ambulance. My breakthrough was only moments old, but I was already beginning to feel some really serious weight come off of my shoulders.
Later that night…
I found myself standing in a machete in a garden full of tall weeds. My resolve had hardened at this point and I was ready to express my on-camera thoughts.
“Your wrestling journey can be equated to a garden…” I began, carrying my burgeoning confidence. “...every win that you gain? Every title that you accomplish? Anything it takes to get you to the level that you want to get to? You plant, you water, you nurture the seed, and eventually you get the flowers if not an entire forest of what you strive to achieve in your journey. But along the way? You’re always going to have your weeds: your most heartbreaking losses, people that tell you ‘you can’t’, people that get in your way, horrible experiences you’ve had…
Lord knows I have mine… so we’re going to start with the weeds of those horrible experiences… such as the first company I ever wrestled for as a singles wrestler that treated my like dirt and like I wasn’t worth anything….
Hack, there went a weed.
“My ‘Vegas experience’...”
Hack goes another one.
“The devastating loss of the first world championship I ever won…”
Another weed hacked.
“Losing myself for years in my own insecurities…”
It took a couple of hacks, but the tallest weed went down.
“And I can go on and on. So Leah, what are your weeds? What’s your biggest one? I’ll tell you what your biggest weed is and that’s the fact that you KNOW that when it comes to taking that next step and accomplishing what you want you can’t do it on your own. You’re a coward, Leah. You choose to hide behind this Cabal nonsense and trust me, I KNOW that the Cabal is the biggest bunch of weeds in the Thunder Pro garden and if hacking them one by one is what I am going to have to do in order to make things right around here and in order to climb that ladder to reach my fullest potential, then that’s exactly what I was going to do. You have virtually the same insecurities that I once had when it came to this business: being insecure with your abilities. If you actually had a self-esteem worth a crap, you wouldn’t be relying on other people so much. You would actually go out and EARN your opportunities. You DIDN’T earn this one, Leah.
Cabal basically handed it to you on a silver platter. I’m going out and doing my thing winning my number one contender’s match and then I buck the odds and find a way to knock CJ O’Donnell out…
But YOU get a title shot for free!
That does NOT sit well with me and I’m going to right that injustice. I admit that earlier in my career when I was drowning in my own insecurities and not believing myself to the fullest… because I’ve been the kind of person that has had this unfortunate tendency to beat myself down… I would’ve been afraid of someone like you. But now that I’m getting stronger and overcoming my own weeds, I have no reason to be afraid of you. You are literally a carbon copy of who I used to be in my career so I suppose this match, this title defense, is going to be a litmus test because the real truth is, I’m facing you in name only.
Nominally? It’s like I’m wrestling a past version of myself that would take out her insecurities on other people.
PERFECTLY fine with me, because beating that weaker half of me is exactly the kind of experience I need to have in order to move forward. It’s going to help me heal the battle scars I’ve accrued over the years and if you think you can tap into a psyche that is no longer weak, then you’re in for disappointment.
There’s not going to be a damn soul in Thunder Pro that is going to break me, I can promise and guarantee that. I’ve HAD it with allowing others to do that to me. I’ve spent most of my career suffering through that crap.
Guess what, Leah…
I’m DONE suffering!
I’m DONE being someone else’s victim!
When I retain my championship against you, I’m going to make that fact VERY clear across the board. You’re not making an example out of me, Leah.
You’re NOT going to make me a stepping stone for your nonsense.
Cabal is NOT going to claim me as a victim and this Prestige Championship is NOT about to be lost to the weeds.
The garden that is my entire wrestling journey is only beginning to grow now and the returns have been promising. Now that I know my own strength, now that I know what I can do when I’m at my best, I am CONFIDENT that here in Thunder Pro, I WILL have a hell of a bloom when it’s all said and done. NOBODY gets to ruin that garden for me anymore, not you, not Cabal, not anyone that gets in my damn way.
I’ve recently had to forgive myself for my shortcomings and it was a freeing experience for me…
After Winter Wrestleland, you may start to think about doing the same…
With that, I hacked a weed with Leah’s name on it before I shut off my camera.
“Ambulance 72… the one your father died in a few years back. This is the one…”
The psychic shut the door behind us and I felt this cold chill down my spine.
“Is this something you feel like you can handle?” she asked me as she lit both of our candles.
“Yes…” I said with a slight stutter. “The deepest battle scars of my career started when my first world title was lost, but they got exponentially worse when my dad died… and I never got over it because I never got to say goodbye…”
“I understand…” she empathized. “It hurts to lose someone you love the way you did.”
I started shivering out of nowhere and the temperature in the ambulance seemed to have dropped substantially.
“Oh my gosh, it got so cold in here…” I said, trying not to panic.
“Good, that means we’ve triggered his presence.”
“Is he actually going to… you know… show up?”
“I’ve helped cross so many people over, Andrea. Your father isn’t at peace because there’s one thing that he never got to resolve and I’m positive that it has something to do wi…”
I became confused by her sudden pause.
“Is something wrong?”
“He’s here…”
“Okay, this is some Melinda Gordon stuff right here…” I said, referencing an old television show named ‘Ghost Whisperer’. “Do you actually see him?”
“I sense his aura… it’s as if he’s sitting right next to you. I need you to concentrate on the message he wants to send you…”
I didn’t say a word, merely nodding. I wasn’t sure if this was actually going to help me, but considering I still wasn’t over his passing more than three years later, I was willing to do whatever it took to heal.
“He says that he’s proud of you for the progress you’ve made this year…” the psychic relays. “But he admits that he can’t move on unless he knows you’re okay.”
“Aren’t I okay?” I asked the psychic.
“He says that you have ways to go…”
I sighed hearing this which was pretty typical when I heard something like that from my father.
“He says that you are strong for wrestling with a broken heart for as long as you have. He desires to see you succeed to your ultimate potential in the coming year…”
“But do you know how I can get there?” I asked the psychic.
“Ask him… not me…”
“The best advice he wants to give you right now is that in order to reach your fullest potential in your career, you have to learn how to be more forgiving…”
“More forgiving?” I asked with confusion.
“He understands that your brother’s abuse of you is the biggest thing you have to forgive….”
My jaw dropped in disbelief.
“There’s no way I can do that… Dad, you said some crazy things when you were alive and I know most of the time, it wasn’t so crazy after all, but to forgive Roddy for what he did to me? I can’t do that. I can’t let him get away with what he did to me…”
“He understands and says that…”
While the psychic was drifting, I felt like I was in a trance. I tuned out of what she was saying and imagined that my father and I were having a conversation right then and there in the ambulance he died in.
“...forgiveness is a complicated thing, Andrea…” he says to me. “It’s hard to forgive other people when you haven’t even forgiven yourself. If you want to lighten that heavy load you’ve been carrying in your heart and soar to heights you’ve never seen before without that dead wait, you’ve got to forgive… and you have to start with yourself…”
“Forgive myself?” I asked, not understanding quite yet. “For what?”
“For your past failures and mistakes in your career…” he mentions. “You were the most eager and passionate person I’ve ever trained to be a wrestler and you have done me proud. But you’ve always been so hard on yourself. Early in your career, when things weren’t going your way, you’d always say that you’d never make it, remember?”
I nodded at this.
“You have to forgive yourself for your failures in places like UWA, OCW, SCW… very much especially the latter. I know that first world title reign you had back there is still the biggest disappointment you’ve ever gone through in your career…”
“It is. I wish I could’ve done so much better with that and instead of handing it like an actual champion, that battle scar cut me so deep I let it change me into a horrible, rotten person for the rest of my career there. I’m happy that I’ve recovered some from that and I’m grateful that I’m the Prestige Champion and that by the end of this year, I can have one more chance to be the world champion I wanted to be. But I don’t feel like I’ve fully recovered from that…”
“You won’t until you learn how to forgive yourself and let go of your shortcomings…” he told me. “You’re involved in the biggest opportunities of your career to date right now and the fact that you even have that Prestige Championship despite having a long way to go is a testament to how strong you REALLY are. I understand Roddy has left you feeling like you’re a weakling and that subsequent experiences have added on, but you never were weak.”
I started tearing up a bit realizing that I had the wrong perception of myself all of these years.
“God Andrea, you might be the strongest woman I ever knew in my life. Your mother and I raised the best daughter we could possibly have…”
I felt this warn sensation sweep over my shoulders as if he was wrapping an arm around me.
“It’s time for me to cross over, Andrea…”
“Dad, no… not yet…” I said with a slight quiver.
“You’re ready to move forward now…”
“It’s too soon! How can you think I’m ready?”
“I don’t think you’re ready, I KNOW you’re ready. I’ve given you all that you need to be able to break through the way you’ve been wanting to do so for years. Your career year is coming, Andrea. Make it a reality!”
“Forgive myself… that’s what I have to do…”
“That’s my girl…” he told me as I could feel the ambulance start to warm up a little. “Goodbye, Andrea…”
I took in the shock of everything that just happened but not for long as the psychic snapped me out of my train of thought.
“He’s gone, Andrea…”
“He crossed over…” I said with a sigh.
“But you are ready…”
“I was never the failure, the embarrassment or the ‘fairy tale’ other people said I was…” I admitted to myself. “When it comes to adversity, I’m going to handle it so much better from now on. I forgive myself for those shortcomings but even more for allowing those shortcomings to rob me of my identity as a wrestler… and as a person. I forgive myself for not being strong in moments like that. I know I can do this on my own… and I’m ready to take that next step…”
“Good…” the psychic tells me as she opens the door to the ambulance and makes her exit from it.
“Thank you…” I told her as I got out.
“No, thank you for being so cooperative…” she countered. “Best of luck to you and peace be with you…”
We parted ways and I was left alone with the ambulance. My breakthrough was only moments old, but I was already beginning to feel some really serious weight come off of my shoulders.
Later that night…
I found myself standing in a machete in a garden full of tall weeds. My resolve had hardened at this point and I was ready to express my on-camera thoughts.
“Your wrestling journey can be equated to a garden…” I began, carrying my burgeoning confidence. “...every win that you gain? Every title that you accomplish? Anything it takes to get you to the level that you want to get to? You plant, you water, you nurture the seed, and eventually you get the flowers if not an entire forest of what you strive to achieve in your journey. But along the way? You’re always going to have your weeds: your most heartbreaking losses, people that tell you ‘you can’t’, people that get in your way, horrible experiences you’ve had…
Lord knows I have mine… so we’re going to start with the weeds of those horrible experiences… such as the first company I ever wrestled for as a singles wrestler that treated my like dirt and like I wasn’t worth anything….
Hack, there went a weed.
“My ‘Vegas experience’...”
Hack goes another one.
“The devastating loss of the first world championship I ever won…”
Another weed hacked.
“Losing myself for years in my own insecurities…”
It took a couple of hacks, but the tallest weed went down.
“And I can go on and on. So Leah, what are your weeds? What’s your biggest one? I’ll tell you what your biggest weed is and that’s the fact that you KNOW that when it comes to taking that next step and accomplishing what you want you can’t do it on your own. You’re a coward, Leah. You choose to hide behind this Cabal nonsense and trust me, I KNOW that the Cabal is the biggest bunch of weeds in the Thunder Pro garden and if hacking them one by one is what I am going to have to do in order to make things right around here and in order to climb that ladder to reach my fullest potential, then that’s exactly what I was going to do. You have virtually the same insecurities that I once had when it came to this business: being insecure with your abilities. If you actually had a self-esteem worth a crap, you wouldn’t be relying on other people so much. You would actually go out and EARN your opportunities. You DIDN’T earn this one, Leah.
Cabal basically handed it to you on a silver platter. I’m going out and doing my thing winning my number one contender’s match and then I buck the odds and find a way to knock CJ O’Donnell out…
But YOU get a title shot for free!
That does NOT sit well with me and I’m going to right that injustice. I admit that earlier in my career when I was drowning in my own insecurities and not believing myself to the fullest… because I’ve been the kind of person that has had this unfortunate tendency to beat myself down… I would’ve been afraid of someone like you. But now that I’m getting stronger and overcoming my own weeds, I have no reason to be afraid of you. You are literally a carbon copy of who I used to be in my career so I suppose this match, this title defense, is going to be a litmus test because the real truth is, I’m facing you in name only.
Nominally? It’s like I’m wrestling a past version of myself that would take out her insecurities on other people.
PERFECTLY fine with me, because beating that weaker half of me is exactly the kind of experience I need to have in order to move forward. It’s going to help me heal the battle scars I’ve accrued over the years and if you think you can tap into a psyche that is no longer weak, then you’re in for disappointment.
There’s not going to be a damn soul in Thunder Pro that is going to break me, I can promise and guarantee that. I’ve HAD it with allowing others to do that to me. I’ve spent most of my career suffering through that crap.
Guess what, Leah…
I’m DONE suffering!
I’m DONE being someone else’s victim!
When I retain my championship against you, I’m going to make that fact VERY clear across the board. You’re not making an example out of me, Leah.
You’re NOT going to make me a stepping stone for your nonsense.
Cabal is NOT going to claim me as a victim and this Prestige Championship is NOT about to be lost to the weeds.
The garden that is my entire wrestling journey is only beginning to grow now and the returns have been promising. Now that I know my own strength, now that I know what I can do when I’m at my best, I am CONFIDENT that here in Thunder Pro, I WILL have a hell of a bloom when it’s all said and done. NOBODY gets to ruin that garden for me anymore, not you, not Cabal, not anyone that gets in my damn way.
I’ve recently had to forgive myself for my shortcomings and it was a freeing experience for me…
After Winter Wrestleland, you may start to think about doing the same…
With that, I hacked a weed with Leah’s name on it before I shut off my camera.
