Post by zybala on Mar 19, 2024 8:22:34 GMT -5
~ Hello friends. Welcome to DYSTOPIA 26!! I know! TWO shows being within a month of each other. I'm not taking writing enhancing drugs, I promise. Anyways, The Yard seems to be in the condition it's always in, despite the best efforts of Hurricane Ian. Hopefully Florida can recover from the devastation. The Yardies have already shambled into Yard and have got a good buzz going; taking advantage of the free beer. As always, The Eastern European and Emilio are manning the grills being the best food jockeys 10 dollars can buy. The port-o-potties have been cleaned and sanitized, cuz we don't want STDs being transferred around.
The Mariachi Band is giving a great mariachi rendition of "The Nowhere Generation", the now official theme song of Outsiders! The fans love it. Mitch and Belvedere are waiting in the ring, Belvedere is looking professional as always, and Mitch…well, isn't. He is busy getting high like always. The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. He's joined as always by Mike Zybala. Both men seem to be in good spirits. ~
Zybala: What's up everybody?! Welcome back to The Yard once again for another Dystopia!!
Dean: Last show, we starts our tourney to crown new tag champs and we continue that journey tonight!
Zybala: You got that right, partner. We got two more tag matches as The Weekend takes on The Sons of Krayzie. Then S.E.X. returns to The Yard as they take on the oddest pairing we have in C.J. O'Donnell and Gilbert!
Dean: And we also got Fanny taking on Outsiders biggest home, "Hulking" Herbert H. Harris! But first, we have some guests.
~ "Real Good Looking Bo"' hits the speakers as The Yardies start cheering for the A-List Family. The Lucky Seven (Original six and Roxxie) make their way across the lawn, high fiving and shaking hands as they go, except Tank who remains stoic as ever and is carrying Allton’s heavyweight title on his shoulder. The Larossia brothers assist Lord Allton into the ring whilst Lissandra grabs a microphone and hands it to Allton. ~
Allton: How are all of our SICK DEMENTED YARDIE FREAKS?!!
~The yardies cheer and the A-List Family smile as The Yardies start to chant ‘we’re sick freaks!’~
Allton: ………And we love you guys for it!
~ The Yardies cheer again. ~
Allton: So then….. To business. First of all, an apology from me… I know that Equality hasn’t been around for a bit, but I’ve been nursing a chest infection. But rest assured that Equality will be back VERY SOON!
~ The yardies cheer once more. ~
Allton: Second of all, recently my boys the Larossia brothers have had their dealings with a very corrupt and prejudiced detective so if you fine sick freaks would like to chant ‘Fudge detective White’ throughout the show, that would be just fine.
~ The Yardies start up said chant as invited. The A-List Family can’t help but grin. The Larossia brothers pump their fists in the air along with the chant. ~
Allton: Thirdly… and most importantly of all. Edward….Jam G. I know you can hear me. I want to take the time to congratulate you, Eddie. You were the hardest opponent that I have defended my title against in recent times. You surprised me. Bob Grenier has trained you well. And if you EVER want a rematch, ever again? Just say the word and we’ll dance the dance again.
~ Dylan then grabs a microphone. ~
Dylan: And one more thing before we go tonight: Turns out that the A-List Family vs Influence is at Dystopia 27. Did you know that Frankie?
~ Frankie nods. ~
Dylan: Fudge. Oh well enjoy the show, every-
Allton: Oh no, no, no!!! Dylan…..we’re gonna do this right Dylan! Now!!!!!!!!!!
~ Allton raises the microphone in the air whilst the yardies yell at the top of their lungs: ~
Yardies" " ‘ON WITH THE Fuding SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
~ Allton turns to Zybala and Dean. ~
Allton: You heard them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~ Belvedere is in the ring and… well, you know. ~
Belvedere: Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another Dystopia! The following match is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first….., hailing from Key West Florida……. Weighing in at 430 pounds…… This is "Hulking" Hubert H. Harris!!
~ Dean goes to the trusty YouTube and "Sexy and I Know It" plays over the speakers. The fans cheer as Harris comes out dancing to his music. He is clad in a large pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt that could be better described as a moomoo. Inscribed on it a 4H logo, obviously for his initials. Harris gets in the ring and the music stops. The big guy doubles over, hands in his knees, trying to catch his breath, being winded from all the dancing. Belvedere continues…~
Belvedere: And his opponent…..hailing from Rimwood, Florida…. She is Fanny!!!
~ It's Zybala's turn to play with the laptop as he plays "You Can Do Magic" by America. Fanny starts cheering as she's sitting in the crowd with a beer in her hand, and a few empties by her feet. A random fan tells her that she's in the match, which surprises her, despite being here because she agreed to be booked. She stands up, staggers and gets a helping hand from some Yardies. They guide her to the ring before shoving her in. They return to their seats as Fanny uses the ropes to pull herself up. Harris is still catching his breath. Belvedere leaves the ring and the bell is rung. ~
Zybala: Dude, twenty says Harris passes out first.
Dean: Nah, man. Fanny looks like she one more sip away from blacking out.
Zybala: So, bet?
Dean: Bet!
~ While Harris is still bent over, Fanny stumbles over to him. She tries to push the big guy over, but only accomplishes leaning on Harris. Realizing that she cant push him, Fanny throws sloppy punches at Harris. Being drunk, Fanny is just flailing wildly and more than half her strikes miss. The blows that do land have little effect as Harris stands up and shoves Fanny away. The Hulking One hauls back a fist but stops as he actually notices Fanny for the first time. Her blonde hair, those hazel eyes, that drunk drooling scowl. Herbert blushes as he mutters something that we can't quite hear. Fanny, thinking he's talking Poop, yells at him to speak louder. Getting more red, Harris loudly tells Fanny that she's pretty. It's Fanny's turn to blush as she does the "oh stop" wave. She goes up to Harris, twirling her hair with her finger. ~
Dean: Dafuq am I watching?
Zybala: Love blooming?
Dean: Ain't this bitch married?
Zybala: Maybe it's an open relationship? Do I look like I'm writing a biography on her?
~ Fanny leans over and plants a kiss on Herbert's cheek to the shock of everyone, especially her husband… if he's even watching at home. No one is more shocked than Herbert, who lifts his hand and gingerly touches where Fanny's lips met his cheek. He swoons and then faints. The big man falls flat on his back as Fanny looks confused, as does Mitch. Some fan yell out a Sonya Blade reference, to which others respond by yelling "FATALITY!!" and "FINISH HIM!!" Fanny looks at Mitch, who merely shrugs. Fanny goes to the nearest corner and starts climbing the ropes. She gets to the middle turnbuckle before stopping. She leaps (more like falls) off with an elbow that lands on Herbert's chest. Fanny makes the cover and Mitch makes the count. ~
Mitch: One……
Two……
THREE!!!
Belvedere: Here is your winner…. FANNY!!!
~ Fanny gets up and looks shocked. She won?! She starts celebrating as her music hits and Mitch raises her hand. Fanny starts calling for more beers and The Yardies start chucking cans at her. She catches some and tries to do her best Steve Austin impression, but actually drinks more beer than she spills, unlike the Bionic Redneck. She pours some beer on Herbert, telling him good match. Fanny continues celebrating as if she just beat Lord Allton for the title as we cut to a commercial……
….. and we're back! We see Marcus Welsh and Zybala talking as Dean looks annoyed. ~
Zybala: Will you please calm down???
Marcus: I will not! We have been out of Spaghetti-Os for weeks now and you promised to go pick them up.
Zybala: Well, to be fair, I DID have covid and was in Buffalo the entire time. I don't see why you couldn't shop yourself for food.
~ Welsh looks very indignant at this and storms back into the house, slamming the door behind him. Dean looks at Zybala. ~
Dean: Why is he still here? Hasn't he found a job yet?
Zybala: Well, he did help you call my match against Crash….
Dean: That was mostly him complainin'.....
Zybala: He's just in a rough spot. I don't want him to spiral out of control again. We all remember what happened last time…
~ Both Dean and Zybala shudder. ~
Zybala: OK, enough think about that bad Poop….what’s next? Oh yeah it’s the Sons of Krayzie, Duce Jones and Byson Kaliban versus the - wait a minute!
Dean: Aw, Poop sucka! It’s kicking off already!
~ The doors of Zybala's house fly open and the Weekend fly through the door while Byson and Duce follow them. ~
Zybala: The Weekend! The Weekend are trying to get the jump on Duce and Byson, but it doesn’t seem to have worked…
Dean: No Poop, sucka! The Weekend suckas got air miles with that one!
~ The Yardies boo Duce and Byson but they love the fact that the Weekend are getting beaten the crap out of! Duce grabs hold of Saturday and Byson takes care of Sunday as the four make their way to the ring. Duce slides Saturday into the ring while Mitch rings the bell. Duce Irish whips Saturday into the corner and follows this up with multiple shoulder thrusts! He then picks up Saturday and whips Saturday into the opposite corner where he tags in Byson! Byson leaps over the ropes and on the way over the rope kicks Saturday in the head! ~
Zybala: That was a clever move!
~ Byson pulls Saturday out of the corner and sets him up for a powerbomb. He manages to hit this before holding onto Saturday’s legs! ~
Dean: What’s Byson doin’ here?
~ Byson lets go of one leg and with the other locks in a single leg crab! The Yardies begin to both cheer and boo! Byson wrenches the hold and Saturday screams in pain under that mask. Saturday slowly crawls towards the ropes and attempts the rope break when Byson pulls him back to the center of the ring! ~
Dean: Kaliban really got that hold cinched in tight, man!
Zybala: You said it.
Dean: I did say it, sucka!
Zybala: I know you did!
Dean: Well aight then!
Zybala: …..
Dean: Jus’ sayin’.
~ Just as Saturday is about to tap out, Sunday sprints over and breaks it up. Byson then tags Duce back in and Sunday hauls Saturday over to their corner and tags in. Duce watches with a smirk and allows the tag. He beckons Sunday to try something. ~
Zybala: Duce looking extremely confident here.
Dean: The Sons are against the Weekend, sucka! I’d be confident too. In fact, what say you and I enter this tournament?
Zybala: You’re retired!
Dean: I could always come outta retirement!
~ Cautiously, Sunday circles Duce and Duce does the same. After a few moments Sunday attempts to throw a Superkick Duce’s way which Duce easily blocks and Duce throws a thrust kick of his own, the force of which makes Sunday stagger back into the ropes and Duce hits the D-Trigga! ~
Dean: The D-Trigga! This Poop is over, sucka!
Zybala: Mitch slides in for the pin!
Mitch: 1…..
2……
~Duce lifts Sunday’s shoulder off of the mat! ~
Dean: Maybe this Poop ain’t over yet…
~ Duce then lifts Sunday into a suplex position and drops Sunday onto his knee head first! ~
Zybala: Duce does enjoy the use of his knees. I can tell you from experience…. His knees do hurt.
Dean: You’ve known Duce for a while, huh?
Zybala: Oh yeah.
~ Duce then whips Sunday into the corner and springs at Sunday hitting a cross body! He goes through the ropes with the momentum from this, landing on the apron and then immediately springs off the ropes, grabs Sunday’s head and yanks it backwards. ~
Zybala: DUCE’S WILD!!!!!!!!!
Dean: Yeah he is.
Zybala: No, that’s the name of that move…
Dean: I know, sucka! I was jus’ sayin’.
Zybala: You’re acting really weird during this match.
~ Sunday is out on their feet and Duce grabs hold of Sunday’s head arms whilst he delivers a horrifying headbutt! ~
Zybala: Ouch!
Dean: Felt that one over here!
Zybala: The Duce of Clubs!!
Dean: It’s over, sucka!
~ Byson sprints round to Saturday as Mitch counts! ~
Mitch: 1…
2……..
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Belvedere: Here are your winners… and moving on in the Tournament….. THE SONS OF KRAYZIE!!
~ Duce and Byson celebrate in the ring as Saturday drags Sunday out of the ring and leave The Yard. The Sons celebrate for a little while longer before leaving The Yard themselves. Belvedere gets in the ring. ~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: And it is your tag team tournament Main Event of the evening!! Introducing first…. At a combined weight of 278 pounds…. They are Gilbert and C.J.O'Donnell…. ALICE'S KNIGHTS!!!
~ After a brief YouTube ad, "Kings Never Die" by Eminem starts to fill The Yard as C.J. O'Donnell and Gilbert enter the backyard from the house. Gilbert is looking nervous and C.J. is looking as if he's expecting a cake walk. Honestly, that's the only reason we can think he agreed to do this. That, and to raid Zybala's alcohol. ~
Zybala: Strange pairing, this one is.
Dean: Fo'sho. The last time these suckas were here, C.J. laid Gilbert out and beat him for the O.O.C. title!
Zybala: Who's the current champ for that?
Dean: That's your job to keep track of, not mine.
~ The pair gets into the ring. C.J. is Poop talking to some of the fans as Gilbert tries to look confident. At least Alice isn't here to see him nervous. Belvedere continues.. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. Hailing from the outer reaches of space…..weighing in at a combined weight of 595 pounds…..Space Lord and Terry Marshall…. This is SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT XPRESS!!!
~ "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions plays overs the speakers as The Yardies start a SEX chant. Terry Marshal storms out of the house, posing and flexing to the cheers of the fans. But wait… he is all alone! The Space Lord is nowhere to be seen. The fans murmur but Terry gets in the ring seemingly unphased or worried about his lack of a partner. Belvedere leaves the ring as the music stops and Mitch checks the three men before calling for the bell. The match is underway! C.J. looks like he's going to start, but turns to Gilbert and gives him a big thumbs up. Gilbert starts to protest and C.J. cuts him off to start giving him a pep talk. It seems to work as Gilbert sighs and steps up to face Marshall. Terry chuckles and condescendingly pats Gilbert on the head. That's when Gilbert is pushed aside as O'Donnell runs up and blasts Terry in the face with Irish Knowledge!! The Yardies boo as Mitch yells at C.J. about not being the legal man as C.J. is yelling at Gilbert to "cover him, you fooking idiot!" Gilbert, shocked from being pushed, recovers and jumps on top of Marshall as O'Donnell spins Mitch around to see the pin attempt. Mitch flops to the mat and raises his arm….. ~
Mitch: One……..
Two………
Thr….NOOOO!!!
~ Marshall gets a shoulder up as C.J. starts shouting "Fook!" He tries to put the boots to Terry, but Mitch gets in the way and tells The Distinguished One to leave the ring. O'Donnell grumbles as he steps between the ropes and gets in his corner. Gilbert starts to kick at Terry, which for his credit, causes some discomfort to Marshall. But the bigger man starts to muscle himself up from the mat. Gilbert makes a tactical retreat as he runs over to tag in C.J. ~
Zybala: Smart move by Gilbert. Not to discredit the guy, but he is giving up almost 200 pound to Marshall. C.J. isn't much heavier, but he has more experience.
Dean: Plus the crazy Irish sucka has no quit in him. He smells the blood in the water after hitting that Irish Knowledge.
~ O'Donnell hops in the ring and immediately goes on the attack. Terry tries to fight back, but the smaller guy is too fast with all his bobbing and weaving. O'Donnell backs up and tries for another Irish Knowledge but Terry sidesteps this one. Terry grabs O'Donnell in a headlock, but is confused when he sees the referee leave the ring. ~
Zybala: Where the hell is Mitch going???
Mitch: In the house. Gotta take a Poop!
Dean: That's why you always go before the show and intermission!
Mitch: Blame Mike's homemade enchiladas!
~ Zybala is about to defend his cooking and liberal use of hot sauce, but Mitch is already in the house. Marshall releases O'Donnell and just gives him a now what look. C.J. grins and kicks Thundering Terry Marshall right in the lightning rod! Terry grabs himself as he drops to his knees. C.J. turns to Gilbert to get in the ring, which he reluctantly does. The two start a beatdown on Marshall as The Yardies boo loudly. Terry tries to defend himself and even gets back to his feet, but he is dropped with another Irish Knowledge from O'Donnell! The beatdown continues as the boos suddenly get drowned out by "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness starting to play loudly from somewhere! Eventually that gets drowned out by the sound of the loud engines of The Spaceship Desolator landing in The Yard!! A loud hydraulic hiss is heard as the entrance ramp opens up and Space Lord runs down it towards the ring!! ~
Zybala: SPACE LORD IS FINALLY HERE!! AND WHAT AN ENTRANCE!!
Dean: And I thought the Squashness Monster was the weirdest thing I'd see here. But is he too late? Can he help his S.E.X. partner?
~ Space Lord slides under the ropes and immediately levels Gilbert with a stiff clothesline! Space Lord grabs the smaller man off of the mat and throws him from the ring! He then turns to O'Donnell who stops stomping Marshall to face the new challenger. The two ring titans start laying into each other with stiff forearms and punches as The Yardies start a SEX chant. O'Donnel valiantly l tries to fight back but the tables have turned for the numbers game. Marshall whips O'Donnell into a stiff clothesline from Space Lord. O'Donnell gets up back to his feet and gets knocked down by another Space Lord clothesline. Space Lord picks up C.J. and whips him into a big boot courtesy of Terry Marshall. O'Donnell falls to the mat as Space Lord runs at the ropes. He bounces off and leaps in the air to land on O'Donnell with a big splash! Space Lord gets to his feet and drags C.J. up once more. Terry starts climbing in the corner to the top turnbuckle. The fans start getting excited. ~
Dean: O'Donnell 'bout to be in trouble here! Marshall looking to fly!
Zybala: I think the big guys are thinking S.E.X.-o-matic!
~ Space Lord lifts C.J. up on his shoulders in a sitting position. He walks over towards Marshall who leaps off the turnbuckle with a mighty clothesline!! O'Donnell crashes to the mat hard as Mitch comes running out of the house. He yells at Zybala that the toilet is clogged before sliding in the ring. Terry covers O'Donnell as Mitch over enthusiastically dives in to make the count! ~
Mitch: One……
Two….
THREE!!!!
~ Marshall gets off of O'Donnell and starts posing as Mitch calls for the bell. ~
Belvedere: Here are your winners… and moving on in the Tournament…..SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT XPRESS!!!
~ Space Lord and Terry Marshall start to celebrate in the ring for a bit until Space Lord's watch starts beeping. He looks at it and audibly gasps. He shows whatever is on the display to Marshall who also gasps. The two rush out of the ring and into The Desolator. The spaceship powers up and takes off out of The Yard and into the air as the show goes off the air. ~
The Mariachi Band is giving a great mariachi rendition of "The Nowhere Generation", the now official theme song of Outsiders! The fans love it. Mitch and Belvedere are waiting in the ring, Belvedere is looking professional as always, and Mitch…well, isn't. He is busy getting high like always. The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. He's joined as always by Mike Zybala. Both men seem to be in good spirits. ~
Zybala: What's up everybody?! Welcome back to The Yard once again for another Dystopia!!
Dean: Last show, we starts our tourney to crown new tag champs and we continue that journey tonight!
Zybala: You got that right, partner. We got two more tag matches as The Weekend takes on The Sons of Krayzie. Then S.E.X. returns to The Yard as they take on the oddest pairing we have in C.J. O'Donnell and Gilbert!
Dean: And we also got Fanny taking on Outsiders biggest home, "Hulking" Herbert H. Harris! But first, we have some guests.
~ "Real Good Looking Bo"' hits the speakers as The Yardies start cheering for the A-List Family. The Lucky Seven (Original six and Roxxie) make their way across the lawn, high fiving and shaking hands as they go, except Tank who remains stoic as ever and is carrying Allton’s heavyweight title on his shoulder. The Larossia brothers assist Lord Allton into the ring whilst Lissandra grabs a microphone and hands it to Allton. ~
Allton: How are all of our SICK DEMENTED YARDIE FREAKS?!!
~The yardies cheer and the A-List Family smile as The Yardies start to chant ‘we’re sick freaks!’~
Allton: ………And we love you guys for it!
~ The Yardies cheer again. ~
Allton: So then….. To business. First of all, an apology from me… I know that Equality hasn’t been around for a bit, but I’ve been nursing a chest infection. But rest assured that Equality will be back VERY SOON!
~ The yardies cheer once more. ~
Allton: Second of all, recently my boys the Larossia brothers have had their dealings with a very corrupt and prejudiced detective so if you fine sick freaks would like to chant ‘Fudge detective White’ throughout the show, that would be just fine.
~ The Yardies start up said chant as invited. The A-List Family can’t help but grin. The Larossia brothers pump their fists in the air along with the chant. ~
Allton: Thirdly… and most importantly of all. Edward….Jam G. I know you can hear me. I want to take the time to congratulate you, Eddie. You were the hardest opponent that I have defended my title against in recent times. You surprised me. Bob Grenier has trained you well. And if you EVER want a rematch, ever again? Just say the word and we’ll dance the dance again.
~ Dylan then grabs a microphone. ~
Dylan: And one more thing before we go tonight: Turns out that the A-List Family vs Influence is at Dystopia 27. Did you know that Frankie?
~ Frankie nods. ~
Dylan: Fudge. Oh well enjoy the show, every-
Allton: Oh no, no, no!!! Dylan…..we’re gonna do this right Dylan! Now!!!!!!!!!!
~ Allton raises the microphone in the air whilst the yardies yell at the top of their lungs: ~
Yardies" " ‘ON WITH THE Fuding SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
~ Allton turns to Zybala and Dean. ~
Allton: You heard them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~ Belvedere is in the ring and… well, you know. ~
Belvedere: Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another Dystopia! The following match is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first….., hailing from Key West Florida……. Weighing in at 430 pounds…… This is "Hulking" Hubert H. Harris!!
~ Dean goes to the trusty YouTube and "Sexy and I Know It" plays over the speakers. The fans cheer as Harris comes out dancing to his music. He is clad in a large pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt that could be better described as a moomoo. Inscribed on it a 4H logo, obviously for his initials. Harris gets in the ring and the music stops. The big guy doubles over, hands in his knees, trying to catch his breath, being winded from all the dancing. Belvedere continues…~
Belvedere: And his opponent…..hailing from Rimwood, Florida…. She is Fanny!!!
~ It's Zybala's turn to play with the laptop as he plays "You Can Do Magic" by America. Fanny starts cheering as she's sitting in the crowd with a beer in her hand, and a few empties by her feet. A random fan tells her that she's in the match, which surprises her, despite being here because she agreed to be booked. She stands up, staggers and gets a helping hand from some Yardies. They guide her to the ring before shoving her in. They return to their seats as Fanny uses the ropes to pull herself up. Harris is still catching his breath. Belvedere leaves the ring and the bell is rung. ~
Zybala: Dude, twenty says Harris passes out first.
Dean: Nah, man. Fanny looks like she one more sip away from blacking out.
Zybala: So, bet?
Dean: Bet!
~ While Harris is still bent over, Fanny stumbles over to him. She tries to push the big guy over, but only accomplishes leaning on Harris. Realizing that she cant push him, Fanny throws sloppy punches at Harris. Being drunk, Fanny is just flailing wildly and more than half her strikes miss. The blows that do land have little effect as Harris stands up and shoves Fanny away. The Hulking One hauls back a fist but stops as he actually notices Fanny for the first time. Her blonde hair, those hazel eyes, that drunk drooling scowl. Herbert blushes as he mutters something that we can't quite hear. Fanny, thinking he's talking Poop, yells at him to speak louder. Getting more red, Harris loudly tells Fanny that she's pretty. It's Fanny's turn to blush as she does the "oh stop" wave. She goes up to Harris, twirling her hair with her finger. ~
Dean: Dafuq am I watching?
Zybala: Love blooming?
Dean: Ain't this bitch married?
Zybala: Maybe it's an open relationship? Do I look like I'm writing a biography on her?
~ Fanny leans over and plants a kiss on Herbert's cheek to the shock of everyone, especially her husband… if he's even watching at home. No one is more shocked than Herbert, who lifts his hand and gingerly touches where Fanny's lips met his cheek. He swoons and then faints. The big man falls flat on his back as Fanny looks confused, as does Mitch. Some fan yell out a Sonya Blade reference, to which others respond by yelling "FATALITY!!" and "FINISH HIM!!" Fanny looks at Mitch, who merely shrugs. Fanny goes to the nearest corner and starts climbing the ropes. She gets to the middle turnbuckle before stopping. She leaps (more like falls) off with an elbow that lands on Herbert's chest. Fanny makes the cover and Mitch makes the count. ~
Mitch: One……
Two……
THREE!!!
Belvedere: Here is your winner…. FANNY!!!
~ Fanny gets up and looks shocked. She won?! She starts celebrating as her music hits and Mitch raises her hand. Fanny starts calling for more beers and The Yardies start chucking cans at her. She catches some and tries to do her best Steve Austin impression, but actually drinks more beer than she spills, unlike the Bionic Redneck. She pours some beer on Herbert, telling him good match. Fanny continues celebrating as if she just beat Lord Allton for the title as we cut to a commercial……
….. and we're back! We see Marcus Welsh and Zybala talking as Dean looks annoyed. ~
Zybala: Will you please calm down???
Marcus: I will not! We have been out of Spaghetti-Os for weeks now and you promised to go pick them up.
Zybala: Well, to be fair, I DID have covid and was in Buffalo the entire time. I don't see why you couldn't shop yourself for food.
~ Welsh looks very indignant at this and storms back into the house, slamming the door behind him. Dean looks at Zybala. ~
Dean: Why is he still here? Hasn't he found a job yet?
Zybala: Well, he did help you call my match against Crash….
Dean: That was mostly him complainin'.....
Zybala: He's just in a rough spot. I don't want him to spiral out of control again. We all remember what happened last time…
~ Both Dean and Zybala shudder. ~
Zybala: OK, enough think about that bad Poop….what’s next? Oh yeah it’s the Sons of Krayzie, Duce Jones and Byson Kaliban versus the - wait a minute!
Dean: Aw, Poop sucka! It’s kicking off already!
~ The doors of Zybala's house fly open and the Weekend fly through the door while Byson and Duce follow them. ~
Zybala: The Weekend! The Weekend are trying to get the jump on Duce and Byson, but it doesn’t seem to have worked…
Dean: No Poop, sucka! The Weekend suckas got air miles with that one!
~ The Yardies boo Duce and Byson but they love the fact that the Weekend are getting beaten the crap out of! Duce grabs hold of Saturday and Byson takes care of Sunday as the four make their way to the ring. Duce slides Saturday into the ring while Mitch rings the bell. Duce Irish whips Saturday into the corner and follows this up with multiple shoulder thrusts! He then picks up Saturday and whips Saturday into the opposite corner where he tags in Byson! Byson leaps over the ropes and on the way over the rope kicks Saturday in the head! ~
Zybala: That was a clever move!
~ Byson pulls Saturday out of the corner and sets him up for a powerbomb. He manages to hit this before holding onto Saturday’s legs! ~
Dean: What’s Byson doin’ here?
~ Byson lets go of one leg and with the other locks in a single leg crab! The Yardies begin to both cheer and boo! Byson wrenches the hold and Saturday screams in pain under that mask. Saturday slowly crawls towards the ropes and attempts the rope break when Byson pulls him back to the center of the ring! ~
Dean: Kaliban really got that hold cinched in tight, man!
Zybala: You said it.
Dean: I did say it, sucka!
Zybala: I know you did!
Dean: Well aight then!
Zybala: …..
Dean: Jus’ sayin’.
~ Just as Saturday is about to tap out, Sunday sprints over and breaks it up. Byson then tags Duce back in and Sunday hauls Saturday over to their corner and tags in. Duce watches with a smirk and allows the tag. He beckons Sunday to try something. ~
Zybala: Duce looking extremely confident here.
Dean: The Sons are against the Weekend, sucka! I’d be confident too. In fact, what say you and I enter this tournament?
Zybala: You’re retired!
Dean: I could always come outta retirement!
~ Cautiously, Sunday circles Duce and Duce does the same. After a few moments Sunday attempts to throw a Superkick Duce’s way which Duce easily blocks and Duce throws a thrust kick of his own, the force of which makes Sunday stagger back into the ropes and Duce hits the D-Trigga! ~
Dean: The D-Trigga! This Poop is over, sucka!
Zybala: Mitch slides in for the pin!
Mitch: 1…..
2……
~Duce lifts Sunday’s shoulder off of the mat! ~
Dean: Maybe this Poop ain’t over yet…
~ Duce then lifts Sunday into a suplex position and drops Sunday onto his knee head first! ~
Zybala: Duce does enjoy the use of his knees. I can tell you from experience…. His knees do hurt.
Dean: You’ve known Duce for a while, huh?
Zybala: Oh yeah.
~ Duce then whips Sunday into the corner and springs at Sunday hitting a cross body! He goes through the ropes with the momentum from this, landing on the apron and then immediately springs off the ropes, grabs Sunday’s head and yanks it backwards. ~
Zybala: DUCE’S WILD!!!!!!!!!
Dean: Yeah he is.
Zybala: No, that’s the name of that move…
Dean: I know, sucka! I was jus’ sayin’.
Zybala: You’re acting really weird during this match.
~ Sunday is out on their feet and Duce grabs hold of Sunday’s head arms whilst he delivers a horrifying headbutt! ~
Zybala: Ouch!
Dean: Felt that one over here!
Zybala: The Duce of Clubs!!
Dean: It’s over, sucka!
~ Byson sprints round to Saturday as Mitch counts! ~
Mitch: 1…
2……..
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Belvedere: Here are your winners… and moving on in the Tournament….. THE SONS OF KRAYZIE!!
~ Duce and Byson celebrate in the ring as Saturday drags Sunday out of the ring and leave The Yard. The Sons celebrate for a little while longer before leaving The Yard themselves. Belvedere gets in the ring. ~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: And it is your tag team tournament Main Event of the evening!! Introducing first…. At a combined weight of 278 pounds…. They are Gilbert and C.J.O'Donnell…. ALICE'S KNIGHTS!!!
~ After a brief YouTube ad, "Kings Never Die" by Eminem starts to fill The Yard as C.J. O'Donnell and Gilbert enter the backyard from the house. Gilbert is looking nervous and C.J. is looking as if he's expecting a cake walk. Honestly, that's the only reason we can think he agreed to do this. That, and to raid Zybala's alcohol. ~
Zybala: Strange pairing, this one is.
Dean: Fo'sho. The last time these suckas were here, C.J. laid Gilbert out and beat him for the O.O.C. title!
Zybala: Who's the current champ for that?
Dean: That's your job to keep track of, not mine.
~ The pair gets into the ring. C.J. is Poop talking to some of the fans as Gilbert tries to look confident. At least Alice isn't here to see him nervous. Belvedere continues.. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. Hailing from the outer reaches of space…..weighing in at a combined weight of 595 pounds…..Space Lord and Terry Marshall…. This is SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT XPRESS!!!
~ "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions plays overs the speakers as The Yardies start a SEX chant. Terry Marshal storms out of the house, posing and flexing to the cheers of the fans. But wait… he is all alone! The Space Lord is nowhere to be seen. The fans murmur but Terry gets in the ring seemingly unphased or worried about his lack of a partner. Belvedere leaves the ring as the music stops and Mitch checks the three men before calling for the bell. The match is underway! C.J. looks like he's going to start, but turns to Gilbert and gives him a big thumbs up. Gilbert starts to protest and C.J. cuts him off to start giving him a pep talk. It seems to work as Gilbert sighs and steps up to face Marshall. Terry chuckles and condescendingly pats Gilbert on the head. That's when Gilbert is pushed aside as O'Donnell runs up and blasts Terry in the face with Irish Knowledge!! The Yardies boo as Mitch yells at C.J. about not being the legal man as C.J. is yelling at Gilbert to "cover him, you fooking idiot!" Gilbert, shocked from being pushed, recovers and jumps on top of Marshall as O'Donnell spins Mitch around to see the pin attempt. Mitch flops to the mat and raises his arm….. ~
Mitch: One……..
Two………
Thr….NOOOO!!!
~ Marshall gets a shoulder up as C.J. starts shouting "Fook!" He tries to put the boots to Terry, but Mitch gets in the way and tells The Distinguished One to leave the ring. O'Donnell grumbles as he steps between the ropes and gets in his corner. Gilbert starts to kick at Terry, which for his credit, causes some discomfort to Marshall. But the bigger man starts to muscle himself up from the mat. Gilbert makes a tactical retreat as he runs over to tag in C.J. ~
Zybala: Smart move by Gilbert. Not to discredit the guy, but he is giving up almost 200 pound to Marshall. C.J. isn't much heavier, but he has more experience.
Dean: Plus the crazy Irish sucka has no quit in him. He smells the blood in the water after hitting that Irish Knowledge.
~ O'Donnell hops in the ring and immediately goes on the attack. Terry tries to fight back, but the smaller guy is too fast with all his bobbing and weaving. O'Donnell backs up and tries for another Irish Knowledge but Terry sidesteps this one. Terry grabs O'Donnell in a headlock, but is confused when he sees the referee leave the ring. ~
Zybala: Where the hell is Mitch going???
Mitch: In the house. Gotta take a Poop!
Dean: That's why you always go before the show and intermission!
Mitch: Blame Mike's homemade enchiladas!
~ Zybala is about to defend his cooking and liberal use of hot sauce, but Mitch is already in the house. Marshall releases O'Donnell and just gives him a now what look. C.J. grins and kicks Thundering Terry Marshall right in the lightning rod! Terry grabs himself as he drops to his knees. C.J. turns to Gilbert to get in the ring, which he reluctantly does. The two start a beatdown on Marshall as The Yardies boo loudly. Terry tries to defend himself and even gets back to his feet, but he is dropped with another Irish Knowledge from O'Donnell! The beatdown continues as the boos suddenly get drowned out by "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness starting to play loudly from somewhere! Eventually that gets drowned out by the sound of the loud engines of The Spaceship Desolator landing in The Yard!! A loud hydraulic hiss is heard as the entrance ramp opens up and Space Lord runs down it towards the ring!! ~
Zybala: SPACE LORD IS FINALLY HERE!! AND WHAT AN ENTRANCE!!
Dean: And I thought the Squashness Monster was the weirdest thing I'd see here. But is he too late? Can he help his S.E.X. partner?
~ Space Lord slides under the ropes and immediately levels Gilbert with a stiff clothesline! Space Lord grabs the smaller man off of the mat and throws him from the ring! He then turns to O'Donnell who stops stomping Marshall to face the new challenger. The two ring titans start laying into each other with stiff forearms and punches as The Yardies start a SEX chant. O'Donnel valiantly l tries to fight back but the tables have turned for the numbers game. Marshall whips O'Donnell into a stiff clothesline from Space Lord. O'Donnell gets up back to his feet and gets knocked down by another Space Lord clothesline. Space Lord picks up C.J. and whips him into a big boot courtesy of Terry Marshall. O'Donnell falls to the mat as Space Lord runs at the ropes. He bounces off and leaps in the air to land on O'Donnell with a big splash! Space Lord gets to his feet and drags C.J. up once more. Terry starts climbing in the corner to the top turnbuckle. The fans start getting excited. ~
Dean: O'Donnell 'bout to be in trouble here! Marshall looking to fly!
Zybala: I think the big guys are thinking S.E.X.-o-matic!
~ Space Lord lifts C.J. up on his shoulders in a sitting position. He walks over towards Marshall who leaps off the turnbuckle with a mighty clothesline!! O'Donnell crashes to the mat hard as Mitch comes running out of the house. He yells at Zybala that the toilet is clogged before sliding in the ring. Terry covers O'Donnell as Mitch over enthusiastically dives in to make the count! ~
Mitch: One……
Two….
THREE!!!!
~ Marshall gets off of O'Donnell and starts posing as Mitch calls for the bell. ~
Belvedere: Here are your winners… and moving on in the Tournament…..SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT XPRESS!!!
~ Space Lord and Terry Marshall start to celebrate in the ring for a bit until Space Lord's watch starts beeping. He looks at it and audibly gasps. He shows whatever is on the display to Marshall who also gasps. The two rush out of the ring and into The Desolator. The spaceship powers up and takes off out of The Yard and into the air as the show goes off the air. ~
