Post by zybala on Mar 19, 2024 8:23:48 GMT -5
~ Holy Poop! Another Dystopia? The third one within 2 months?? Is Outsiders becoming a…… GASP….. regular show?!?!? Who knows? Let's just take it one show at a time. Anyways, Welcome to Outsiders as we bring you DYSTOPIA 28!! The tournament is marching right along. The Yard is looking great as always. The Mariachi Band would be the envy of any HOA. The Yardies are standing in line as Marcus Welsh collects the money for tickets. The Eastern European and Emilio are at their usual post by the grills to feed the drunk and hungry. The port-o-potties have been cleaned and sanitized, so if you get the crabs, don't blame us.
The Mariachi Band is playing "The Nowhere Generation", the official theme song of Outsiders! The fans love it. You love it. We all love it. It's a great song that truly defines Outsiders. Mitch and Belvedere are waiting in the ring, Belvedere is looking professional as always, and Mitch is….well, he's being Mitch. Y'all know what he's about. The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. He's joined as always by Mike Zybala. They look ready to start the show until they hear yelling. We look over to the line again and see Welsh arguing with The Nickleman!! Zybala and Dean walk over.~
Dean: The Fudge is going on, Welsh?!
Welsh: This distraction shouldn't be allowed here! He was a major disturbance at the last show.
Nickleman: Shut up, ticket bitch, and take my money.
Dean: Just give him a ticket…
Welsh: I'm 10 percent owner! Mike sold that to me!
Zybala: And I'm 90 percent owner. Just let him in, buddy. We'll keep an eye on this Bastard.
~ Welsh grumbles as he takes The Nickleman's money and lets him in The Yard. Nickleman looks smug as hell as he sits in the crowd. Dean and Zybala go sit back in their usual positions. ~
Zybala: Sorry about that, fans. But welcome back to The Yard for another Dystopia! Tonight, we will see the last of the quarter finals of The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament as The No Shows take on Ehud of Moab and THE PROCTOLOGIST and The Lockwoods taking on The Bible Club.
Dean: Plus, we got semi finalists The Greek Gods going against Mike Mason in a pose off for some reason…
Zybala: Zeus wanted it. I thought it would be funny.
Dean: But first, something is going on in the side house!!
~ Inside the ‘office’ of the Outsiders World Champion Lord Allton at Zybala’s side house (Zybala bought both houses on either side of the Main Outsider House so he could tear down the fences and make a huge backyard. The house on the left is used for the women's "locker room" and the right is the men's. Lord Allton's :"office" is actually the living room of the men's house. Allton is sitting at his desk, which is the only decent piece of furniture in the living room, with Gilbert staring back at him with apprehension. They are waiting for Gilbert’s new partner. Suddenly there is a smash of glass outside with a few swear words from someone and then some random guy is thrown through the door. Gilbert shrieks as Allton calmly sips on a cup of tea. ~
Allton: Ah! Here he is.
~ The door flies open from the force of the guy and there stands the Violent As Ever Max Rotten with a smirk. ~
Max: I caught this person snooping round the fence with a gang of cronies. I sorted them out for ya.
Allton: (sighs)bMy dear Maxwell…. Were they queuing for the show perhaps?
~ Max looks down at the unconscious bastard on the ‘office’ floor. ~
Max: Not anymore, I would wager.
~ Max stomps on the throat of the random guy, keeping him down. ~
Allton: My dear boy, how many times have I told you that you can’t just randomly fight with anyone out of the blue…..
Max: Course I fuckin’ can. I’m a Rotten, from Philly.
~ Max turns his attention to Gilbert. ~
Max: Is this walking pipe cleaner botherin’ ya boss?
~ Gilbert shrieks as Max reaches for him. ~
Allton: No, no! Max, Gilbert. Gilbert, Max. You guys are partners.
~ Unanimously, Gilbert and Max say exactly the same thing. ~
Gilbert & Max: HIM??!!!!!!!!!
~ Allton smirks at the two men and motions for them to leave his office. ~
Allton: Good luck, boys.
~ Gilbert and Max leave the office with Max kicking the unconscious guy on his way out for good measure. They make their way out to the lawn. Max looks down at Gilbert slamming his arm into Gilbert's back with a smile. ~
Max: So kid.... Can you fight? Looking at'cha, I'm guessin' nah. But don't worry, I'll carry ya.
~ Gilbert stammers but eventually gains his composure. ~
Gilbert: I do have 3 wins...one against a guy 5 times my size.
Max: Three? Huh. Get you.
~ We cut back to the backyard to see Belvedere brush Mitch's arm off of his shoulders, who was posing for some fans. Zybala shouts out that they're live and for Belvedere to start the show. The announcer brings up the microphone, and you know what's next. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dystopia, Episode 28! The following match is our opening match of the show and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: Introducing first…. Hailing from Mount Olympus…. At a combined weight of, according to them, 476 pounds of pure, godly muscle…..This is Zeus and Hades… THE GREEK GODS!!!
~ Metallica's "Master of Puppets" starts to play before Zybala says 'oh Poop' and plays "Enter Sandman" The Yard erupts with cheers as Zeus and Hades strut out of the house. The drunker of the fans drop to their knees and bow to The Gods while shouting "we're not worthy" routine. The Gods approve. They make their way to the ring as Hades slides under the ropes and wiggles his tongue around, trying to look menacing as Zeus climbs to the middle ropes, throwing a fist in the air. They then stand in the ring flexing for the crowd, preparing for the match. ~
Zybala: The ta tournament seems to be a real motivation for The Gods. They actually look like they've been spending a little time in the gym.
Dean: Very little. But it's better than nothing. Though, I doubt they stand a chance in this pose off.
Belvedere: And their opponent…. Hailing from Miami, Florida….. weighing in at 265 pounds…. He is "The Mecca of Manhood".... MARVELOUS MIKE MASON!!!
~ "Power" by Kanye West begins to play over the PA and the crowd instantly begins to boo. As the words "I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man" play, The Marvelous One walks into the backyard. He turns his back to the crowd, and spreads his arms out wide revealing the rhinestones words "Simply Marvelous" on the back of his robe. The Marvelous One spins around with a huge and cocky smile on his face. The sunlight bounces off of his sequin and rhinestone white ring robe, with purple and blue designs on it. The Marvelous One struts to the ring, walking slowly, taking his time and allowing everyone to view him. He climbs the ring stairs and instructs the referee to hold the ropes open for him. Mitch does not, for he is too busy smoking. Belvedere holds the ropes open and the Marvelous One steps through. He spins around in a 360 to the middle of the ring. He unties his robe, and removes it slowly, handing it to Mitch, who giggles at the shiny gems. The Marvelous One hits a front double bicep in the center of the spotlight as the music cuts. ~
Dean: Jesus wept. Is he done? That took far too long. This is Outsiders! Not a photo shoot!
Zybala: Preach! Save the posturing for the actual contest.
Dean: What are the rules of this? I know we was supposed to get a judge from The International Federation of Bodybuilding and Fitness, but when they heard our pay offer…
Zybala: They laughed at us before hanging up. Poop, I don't know. Mitch, just make it up as you go along?
~ Mitch just tells the men to start posing. Mason starts busting out various poses like the former bodybuilder he is. He cycles through Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, Abdominals and Thighs and the like. Zeus and Hades try to imitate Mason, but they lack the experience, the finesse, and the actual muscles that Mason possesses. The Gods just can't compete. The fans just can't care any less. They start booing and chanting "BORING" over and over, led by The Nickleman. The Gods, giving up in frustration, start to attack Mason! They rush in and hit a double dropkick! Muscle Mountain staggers back a step and looks more annoyed than hurt.
When Zeus and Hades get to their feet, Mason grabs Zeus in a hug, lifts him and drips him with a spinebuster! Hades starts to hit Mason from behind, who merely stands back up and turns to face the God of the Underworld. Mason grabs Hades by the head and sets him up for a suplex. He lifts the smaller man up and holds him up vertically as the fans count away the seconds!! When they reach TEN, Mason falls backwards, making sure Hades lands on Zeus with a thud! Mason rolls over and places his hands on Hades, holding the brothers in place. Before Mitch can start a pin count, Mason starts to do push ups on Zeus and Hades, making The Yardies boo even louder! ~
Dean: This sucka is actually pressing on these fools!!
Zybala: Mason is just showing nothing but dominance. Should we make this a regular match?
Dean: I mean, he already beat The Sucka Gods in the pose off…
Zybala: So Mason wins?
~ Mason gets to his feet and places one on the bodies of his stacked opponents. He then strikes about Double Bicep pose as Mitch calls for the bell, just as confused as everyone else. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…. MARVELOUS MIKE MASON!!!
~ The fans boo as Mason leaves the ring and heads toward Zybala's house. As he passes Welsh, Marcus asks Mason if he can put in a good word for him to Strader. Mason shrugs and disappears into the house. Nickleman starts to heckle Welsh again about nobody wanting to hire him. Welsh counters with a loud "Shut Up!" Nickleman laughs and starts a "TICKET BITCH!" chant which several fans join him in. Welsh gets angrier as he gets up from his chair and charges at The Nickleman!! The Nickleman gets up and yells for Welsh to bring it as Welsh dive tackles him! The fans move out of the way as Welsh and Nickleman roll on the grass as Zybala and Dean rush over with Head of Security Lucas Thames to break the two up. The Yardies start a "LET THEM FIGHT!" chant as Zybala grabs Welsh while Thames and Dean drag Nickleman away. Nickleman is still talking Poop as Welsh continues to try to escape Zybala. Zybala drags Welsh over into the house and shuts the screen door. Zybala tells Welsh to stay while he goes and grabs a microphone. ~
Zybala: You know what? You two have been yapping at each other the past couple of shows. How about I let you get that aggression out? How about at Dystopia 29, we'll have Marcus Welsh take on The Nickleman!!
~ The Yardies roar their approval as The Nickleman nods in agreement. Fueled by adrenaline and anger, Welsh also agrees. ~
Zybala: Beautiful. You know what? We also got Dystopia XXX coming up, and nobody is challenging Lord Allton for the World title. I mean, we have the finals of the tag tourney and the matches spawning off of that, but no world title match. So how about this? Whoever wins between you two at the next show will face Lord Allton for the Outsiders World Championship at our next pay-per-view!!
~ Welsh looks a bit apprehensive, but still holds the tough guy act and shouts his approval. Nickleman laughs and says the title is as good as his. Zybala tells Welsh to just chill in the house the rest of the show as Dean tells Nickleman to chill the Fudge out. The chairs are set back up as the fans fill them once more. Thames goes back to where he was hiding and Dean and Zybala go back to the announce fridge box. They look annoyed. ~
Dean: What the Fudge…
Zybala: Hopefully none of the other staff or roster will not attack the fans the rest of the night…
Dean: Or vice-versa. We don't need a lawsuit.
Zybala: Belvedere, let's just move on
~ Belvedere gets back in the ring, looking aghast at what he witnessed. How uncivilized. However, he is a professional and the show must go on. ~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: And it is your tag team tournament Main Event of the evening!! Introducing first….. hailing from Moab….. at a combined weight of 367.35 pounds…. They are EHUD OF MOAB AND THE PROCTOLOGIST!!!
~ The Yardies cheer when Madonna's "Like a Prayer" hits the speakers and Ehud slowly comes shuffling out. While he is shadow boxing, THE PROCTOLOGIST enters The Yard behind his father. Seeing how slow Ehud is going and makes a decision. He picks up Ehud and carries him to the ring and rolls him under the ropes. As Ehud slowly gets to his feet, THE PROCTOLOGIST rolls into the ring and hops to his feet. He holds up his hands as Ehud boxes into them. The music stops and Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. At a combined weight of 340 pounds….. Tony the Spider and Robert Uchiha…. They are THE NO SHOWS!!!
~ starts playing as Robert Uchiha jumps out from the house and lands on the grass striking an anime character pose. He thinks he looks badass, and so do a few drunks, but the majority of The Yardies just cheer because this dude is goofy. He positions his arms straight behind him and runs to the ring! He slides under the ropes and gets to his feet in another Ninja style pose. He doesn't notice that there is no Tony the Spider. ~
Zybala: Apparently Uchiha is going solo tonight…
Dean: The suckas literally called themselves The No Shows. Ain't Tony's fault if Uchiha didn't take it seriously…
Zybala: I thought it was just a name too…
Dean: Then that's on you, too.
~ Uchiha looks around as his music stops and finally realizes that he's alone. Mitch calls for the bell when THE PROCTOLOGIST leaves the ring with Ehud still boxing. He shuffles towards Uchiha, who is much younger and more nimble. Uchiha dodges the killer fists of Ehud, and counterstrikes with punches of his own to the old man's body. Ehud doesn't falter, due to the punches having no effect or Ehud's senses are so dulled by age that he won't register the pain until later. Either way, it's a game of cat and mouse, dodge and counter. One could equate it to an animal fight, only if it was REALLY slowed down. The fans seem to enjoy it, though the free beer probably helps.
Though, Ehud is like an old, dependable machine that keeps going. He's shuffling after Uchiha, throwing punches, no matter the distance. Ehud ends up backing Uchiha into a corner and takes a wild swing, but again Uchiha ducks and runs to the opposite corner. Uchiha looks concerned and almost out of breath from all of his dodging. He mutters something about having no choice and starts making all sorts of weird hand gestures. If there are any ALS signers in the crowd, this would surely be gibberish. Uchiha stops and holds one hand down, fingers spread wide, and grabs that wrist with his other hand. He waits a few seconds before letting go of his wrist and flings that postured hand back and runs toward Ehud! Uchiha yells "CHIDORI!!" and thrusts his hand forward at Ehud's chest! Before the hand can connect, one of Ehud's fists connects with Uchiha's face and he drops like a ton of bricks! Knowing how slow his father is, THE PROCTOLOGIST gets in the ring, lifts his dad, and throws him on top of Uchiha. ~
Mitch: One..…
Two……
THREE!!!
Belvedere: Here are you winners…. EHUD OF MOAB AND THE PROCTOLOGIST!!!
~ Ehud is rolled out of the ring by his son and he starts shuffling his way to the house, a job well done. THE PROCTOLOGIST follows him as the fans cheer them. Mitch is checking on Uchiha as we cut to a commercial for MASSACRE! Not because we were asked to, but because we spread the love and advertise our parent show. Without prompting or asking. While we're throwing around free ads, why don't you check out EQUALITY too? Rob needs love too and he always puts out entertaining shows. In fact, why don't you just get the OCW Bundle?! All your favorite stars and shows for just 0.99 a month! Anyways, we go back to The Yard and Belvedere is standing at the ready! ~
Belvedere: The following match is your Main Event of the evening! It is a first round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first….At a combined weight of 330 pounds….they are "God's Girlfriend" Chastity Temple and "The King of Dong Style" John E. Depth….this is THE BIBLE CLUB!!!
"BIBLE CLUB! FOFOFOFO-FOR GOD!"
~ The Yard erupts with cheers as "Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang plays over the speaker. The cheers get louder as Chastity Temple makes her way out onto the grass!! She is wearing her trademark short, plaid skirt and a tightly fitting "BIBLE CLUB" T-shirt. She walks into The Yard but pauses halfway down the grass. She turns and points back at the house. The cheers get louder as John E. Depth steps out from behind the curtain! He stretches out his arms to proudly display his Bible Club shirt! He's holding several shirts in his hands.
Chastity and Depth run up to each other and high five! Depth then starts throwing "Bible Club" T-shirts to the fans and Chastity high-fives fans as the pair make their way to the ring. When the get in the ring, Depth and Chastity drop to their knees in the middle of the ring and fold their hands as if praying. The fans are ready, they know what's coming next. Depth and Chastity both jump to their feet with their arms spread wide like a cross!! ~
Fans/Depth/Chastity: BIBLE CLUB, BAYBAY!!!
~ The Yardies cheer more as the music dies down and Th Bible Club go to their corner. Belvedere continues as the fans settle down. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. thrown together at the last second to replace The Lockwoods…..they are GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ The Yard is a mixture of cheers and boos as "Welcome to Hell" by Venom starts to play. Max Rotten and Gilbert walk out. Rotten has an arm around Gilbert's shoulders and looks like he's talking strategy. Gilbert looks like he is worried about these plans, but he's not gonna argue with this sociopath. The pair get to the ring and Mitch checks everyone before signaling for the bell. The match is underway. Chasing steps through the rope, intent on letting Depth start this one. Rotten immediately flings Gilbert onto his shoulders and charges at Temple. Rotten drives Gilbert's feet into the back of Chastity's head! The Yardies boo as Temple tumbles to the grass in a heap! ~
Zybala: Cheap shot by The Rob Characters!
Dean: I guess he really is… Rotten.
Zybala: Meh, 5 outta 10 pun rating.
~ As Depth turns to the pair, Rotten flings Gilbert at him! Gilbert hits Depth crossbody style, making both men fall to the mat. As Depth is trying to shove a squirming Gilbert off of himself, Rotten grabs Gil by the foot and pulls him away. Rotten then grabs Depth, and drags him up between Rotten's legs! He lifts Depth up and drops him with the Rotten Bomb (sit out powerbomb)!! Rotten puts his legs over Depth's shoulders and yells at Gilbert to "Watch out for the bitch!" Mitch makes the count! ~
Mitch: One..…
Two……
THREE!!!
Belvedere: Here are you winners…. GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ Max jumps to his feet and deftly avoids flying beer cans from angry fans as he celebrates the wins. Gilbert gets to his to join, but is not sure of Rotten's methods. ~
Dean: Well, damn. Didn't see that coming. Rotten and Gil move on in da tourney.
Zybala: And that officially puts us in the quarter finals! All of which will be taking part at Dystopia 29!
Dean: Can we afford that, sucka?
Zybala: We'll figure that out after! I mean, we are getting paid to tell folks to tune into Massacre next. So we got extra cash to pay people with.
Dean: By the way, stay tuned to watch Monday Night Massacre on OCW wherever you usually view the show! That good enough?
Zybala: Works for me. For Dean, I'm Mike Zybala, saying Good Fight, Goodnight!!
The Mariachi Band is playing "The Nowhere Generation", the official theme song of Outsiders! The fans love it. You love it. We all love it. It's a great song that truly defines Outsiders. Mitch and Belvedere are waiting in the ring, Belvedere is looking professional as always, and Mitch is….well, he's being Mitch. Y'all know what he's about. The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. He's joined as always by Mike Zybala. They look ready to start the show until they hear yelling. We look over to the line again and see Welsh arguing with The Nickleman!! Zybala and Dean walk over.~
Dean: The Fudge is going on, Welsh?!
Welsh: This distraction shouldn't be allowed here! He was a major disturbance at the last show.
Nickleman: Shut up, ticket bitch, and take my money.
Dean: Just give him a ticket…
Welsh: I'm 10 percent owner! Mike sold that to me!
Zybala: And I'm 90 percent owner. Just let him in, buddy. We'll keep an eye on this Bastard.
~ Welsh grumbles as he takes The Nickleman's money and lets him in The Yard. Nickleman looks smug as hell as he sits in the crowd. Dean and Zybala go sit back in their usual positions. ~
Zybala: Sorry about that, fans. But welcome back to The Yard for another Dystopia! Tonight, we will see the last of the quarter finals of The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament as The No Shows take on Ehud of Moab and THE PROCTOLOGIST and The Lockwoods taking on The Bible Club.
Dean: Plus, we got semi finalists The Greek Gods going against Mike Mason in a pose off for some reason…
Zybala: Zeus wanted it. I thought it would be funny.
Dean: But first, something is going on in the side house!!
~ Inside the ‘office’ of the Outsiders World Champion Lord Allton at Zybala’s side house (Zybala bought both houses on either side of the Main Outsider House so he could tear down the fences and make a huge backyard. The house on the left is used for the women's "locker room" and the right is the men's. Lord Allton's :"office" is actually the living room of the men's house. Allton is sitting at his desk, which is the only decent piece of furniture in the living room, with Gilbert staring back at him with apprehension. They are waiting for Gilbert’s new partner. Suddenly there is a smash of glass outside with a few swear words from someone and then some random guy is thrown through the door. Gilbert shrieks as Allton calmly sips on a cup of tea. ~
Allton: Ah! Here he is.
~ The door flies open from the force of the guy and there stands the Violent As Ever Max Rotten with a smirk. ~
Max: I caught this person snooping round the fence with a gang of cronies. I sorted them out for ya.
Allton: (sighs)bMy dear Maxwell…. Were they queuing for the show perhaps?
~ Max looks down at the unconscious bastard on the ‘office’ floor. ~
Max: Not anymore, I would wager.
~ Max stomps on the throat of the random guy, keeping him down. ~
Allton: My dear boy, how many times have I told you that you can’t just randomly fight with anyone out of the blue…..
Max: Course I fuckin’ can. I’m a Rotten, from Philly.
~ Max turns his attention to Gilbert. ~
Max: Is this walking pipe cleaner botherin’ ya boss?
~ Gilbert shrieks as Max reaches for him. ~
Allton: No, no! Max, Gilbert. Gilbert, Max. You guys are partners.
~ Unanimously, Gilbert and Max say exactly the same thing. ~
Gilbert & Max: HIM??!!!!!!!!!
~ Allton smirks at the two men and motions for them to leave his office. ~
Allton: Good luck, boys.
~ Gilbert and Max leave the office with Max kicking the unconscious guy on his way out for good measure. They make their way out to the lawn. Max looks down at Gilbert slamming his arm into Gilbert's back with a smile. ~
Max: So kid.... Can you fight? Looking at'cha, I'm guessin' nah. But don't worry, I'll carry ya.
~ Gilbert stammers but eventually gains his composure. ~
Gilbert: I do have 3 wins...one against a guy 5 times my size.
Max: Three? Huh. Get you.
~ We cut back to the backyard to see Belvedere brush Mitch's arm off of his shoulders, who was posing for some fans. Zybala shouts out that they're live and for Belvedere to start the show. The announcer brings up the microphone, and you know what's next. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dystopia, Episode 28! The following match is our opening match of the show and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: Introducing first…. Hailing from Mount Olympus…. At a combined weight of, according to them, 476 pounds of pure, godly muscle…..This is Zeus and Hades… THE GREEK GODS!!!
~ Metallica's "Master of Puppets" starts to play before Zybala says 'oh Poop' and plays "Enter Sandman" The Yard erupts with cheers as Zeus and Hades strut out of the house. The drunker of the fans drop to their knees and bow to The Gods while shouting "we're not worthy" routine. The Gods approve. They make their way to the ring as Hades slides under the ropes and wiggles his tongue around, trying to look menacing as Zeus climbs to the middle ropes, throwing a fist in the air. They then stand in the ring flexing for the crowd, preparing for the match. ~
Zybala: The ta tournament seems to be a real motivation for The Gods. They actually look like they've been spending a little time in the gym.
Dean: Very little. But it's better than nothing. Though, I doubt they stand a chance in this pose off.
Belvedere: And their opponent…. Hailing from Miami, Florida….. weighing in at 265 pounds…. He is "The Mecca of Manhood".... MARVELOUS MIKE MASON!!!
~ "Power" by Kanye West begins to play over the PA and the crowd instantly begins to boo. As the words "I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man" play, The Marvelous One walks into the backyard. He turns his back to the crowd, and spreads his arms out wide revealing the rhinestones words "Simply Marvelous" on the back of his robe. The Marvelous One spins around with a huge and cocky smile on his face. The sunlight bounces off of his sequin and rhinestone white ring robe, with purple and blue designs on it. The Marvelous One struts to the ring, walking slowly, taking his time and allowing everyone to view him. He climbs the ring stairs and instructs the referee to hold the ropes open for him. Mitch does not, for he is too busy smoking. Belvedere holds the ropes open and the Marvelous One steps through. He spins around in a 360 to the middle of the ring. He unties his robe, and removes it slowly, handing it to Mitch, who giggles at the shiny gems. The Marvelous One hits a front double bicep in the center of the spotlight as the music cuts. ~
Dean: Jesus wept. Is he done? That took far too long. This is Outsiders! Not a photo shoot!
Zybala: Preach! Save the posturing for the actual contest.
Dean: What are the rules of this? I know we was supposed to get a judge from The International Federation of Bodybuilding and Fitness, but when they heard our pay offer…
Zybala: They laughed at us before hanging up. Poop, I don't know. Mitch, just make it up as you go along?
~ Mitch just tells the men to start posing. Mason starts busting out various poses like the former bodybuilder he is. He cycles through Front Double Biceps, Front Lat Spread, Side Chest, Back Double Biceps, Abdominals and Thighs and the like. Zeus and Hades try to imitate Mason, but they lack the experience, the finesse, and the actual muscles that Mason possesses. The Gods just can't compete. The fans just can't care any less. They start booing and chanting "BORING" over and over, led by The Nickleman. The Gods, giving up in frustration, start to attack Mason! They rush in and hit a double dropkick! Muscle Mountain staggers back a step and looks more annoyed than hurt.
When Zeus and Hades get to their feet, Mason grabs Zeus in a hug, lifts him and drips him with a spinebuster! Hades starts to hit Mason from behind, who merely stands back up and turns to face the God of the Underworld. Mason grabs Hades by the head and sets him up for a suplex. He lifts the smaller man up and holds him up vertically as the fans count away the seconds!! When they reach TEN, Mason falls backwards, making sure Hades lands on Zeus with a thud! Mason rolls over and places his hands on Hades, holding the brothers in place. Before Mitch can start a pin count, Mason starts to do push ups on Zeus and Hades, making The Yardies boo even louder! ~
Dean: This sucka is actually pressing on these fools!!
Zybala: Mason is just showing nothing but dominance. Should we make this a regular match?
Dean: I mean, he already beat The Sucka Gods in the pose off…
Zybala: So Mason wins?
~ Mason gets to his feet and places one on the bodies of his stacked opponents. He then strikes about Double Bicep pose as Mitch calls for the bell, just as confused as everyone else. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner…. MARVELOUS MIKE MASON!!!
~ The fans boo as Mason leaves the ring and heads toward Zybala's house. As he passes Welsh, Marcus asks Mason if he can put in a good word for him to Strader. Mason shrugs and disappears into the house. Nickleman starts to heckle Welsh again about nobody wanting to hire him. Welsh counters with a loud "Shut Up!" Nickleman laughs and starts a "TICKET BITCH!" chant which several fans join him in. Welsh gets angrier as he gets up from his chair and charges at The Nickleman!! The Nickleman gets up and yells for Welsh to bring it as Welsh dive tackles him! The fans move out of the way as Welsh and Nickleman roll on the grass as Zybala and Dean rush over with Head of Security Lucas Thames to break the two up. The Yardies start a "LET THEM FIGHT!" chant as Zybala grabs Welsh while Thames and Dean drag Nickleman away. Nickleman is still talking Poop as Welsh continues to try to escape Zybala. Zybala drags Welsh over into the house and shuts the screen door. Zybala tells Welsh to stay while he goes and grabs a microphone. ~
Zybala: You know what? You two have been yapping at each other the past couple of shows. How about I let you get that aggression out? How about at Dystopia 29, we'll have Marcus Welsh take on The Nickleman!!
~ The Yardies roar their approval as The Nickleman nods in agreement. Fueled by adrenaline and anger, Welsh also agrees. ~
Zybala: Beautiful. You know what? We also got Dystopia XXX coming up, and nobody is challenging Lord Allton for the World title. I mean, we have the finals of the tag tourney and the matches spawning off of that, but no world title match. So how about this? Whoever wins between you two at the next show will face Lord Allton for the Outsiders World Championship at our next pay-per-view!!
~ Welsh looks a bit apprehensive, but still holds the tough guy act and shouts his approval. Nickleman laughs and says the title is as good as his. Zybala tells Welsh to just chill in the house the rest of the show as Dean tells Nickleman to chill the Fudge out. The chairs are set back up as the fans fill them once more. Thames goes back to where he was hiding and Dean and Zybala go back to the announce fridge box. They look annoyed. ~
Dean: What the Fudge…
Zybala: Hopefully none of the other staff or roster will not attack the fans the rest of the night…
Dean: Or vice-versa. We don't need a lawsuit.
Zybala: Belvedere, let's just move on
~ Belvedere gets back in the ring, looking aghast at what he witnessed. How uncivilized. However, he is a professional and the show must go on. ~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: And it is your tag team tournament Main Event of the evening!! Introducing first….. hailing from Moab….. at a combined weight of 367.35 pounds…. They are EHUD OF MOAB AND THE PROCTOLOGIST!!!
~ The Yardies cheer when Madonna's "Like a Prayer" hits the speakers and Ehud slowly comes shuffling out. While he is shadow boxing, THE PROCTOLOGIST enters The Yard behind his father. Seeing how slow Ehud is going and makes a decision. He picks up Ehud and carries him to the ring and rolls him under the ropes. As Ehud slowly gets to his feet, THE PROCTOLOGIST rolls into the ring and hops to his feet. He holds up his hands as Ehud boxes into them. The music stops and Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. At a combined weight of 340 pounds….. Tony the Spider and Robert Uchiha…. They are THE NO SHOWS!!!
~ starts playing as Robert Uchiha jumps out from the house and lands on the grass striking an anime character pose. He thinks he looks badass, and so do a few drunks, but the majority of The Yardies just cheer because this dude is goofy. He positions his arms straight behind him and runs to the ring! He slides under the ropes and gets to his feet in another Ninja style pose. He doesn't notice that there is no Tony the Spider. ~
Zybala: Apparently Uchiha is going solo tonight…
Dean: The suckas literally called themselves The No Shows. Ain't Tony's fault if Uchiha didn't take it seriously…
Zybala: I thought it was just a name too…
Dean: Then that's on you, too.
~ Uchiha looks around as his music stops and finally realizes that he's alone. Mitch calls for the bell when THE PROCTOLOGIST leaves the ring with Ehud still boxing. He shuffles towards Uchiha, who is much younger and more nimble. Uchiha dodges the killer fists of Ehud, and counterstrikes with punches of his own to the old man's body. Ehud doesn't falter, due to the punches having no effect or Ehud's senses are so dulled by age that he won't register the pain until later. Either way, it's a game of cat and mouse, dodge and counter. One could equate it to an animal fight, only if it was REALLY slowed down. The fans seem to enjoy it, though the free beer probably helps.
Though, Ehud is like an old, dependable machine that keeps going. He's shuffling after Uchiha, throwing punches, no matter the distance. Ehud ends up backing Uchiha into a corner and takes a wild swing, but again Uchiha ducks and runs to the opposite corner. Uchiha looks concerned and almost out of breath from all of his dodging. He mutters something about having no choice and starts making all sorts of weird hand gestures. If there are any ALS signers in the crowd, this would surely be gibberish. Uchiha stops and holds one hand down, fingers spread wide, and grabs that wrist with his other hand. He waits a few seconds before letting go of his wrist and flings that postured hand back and runs toward Ehud! Uchiha yells "CHIDORI!!" and thrusts his hand forward at Ehud's chest! Before the hand can connect, one of Ehud's fists connects with Uchiha's face and he drops like a ton of bricks! Knowing how slow his father is, THE PROCTOLOGIST gets in the ring, lifts his dad, and throws him on top of Uchiha. ~
Mitch: One..…
Two……
THREE!!!
Belvedere: Here are you winners…. EHUD OF MOAB AND THE PROCTOLOGIST!!!
~ Ehud is rolled out of the ring by his son and he starts shuffling his way to the house, a job well done. THE PROCTOLOGIST follows him as the fans cheer them. Mitch is checking on Uchiha as we cut to a commercial for MASSACRE! Not because we were asked to, but because we spread the love and advertise our parent show. Without prompting or asking. While we're throwing around free ads, why don't you check out EQUALITY too? Rob needs love too and he always puts out entertaining shows. In fact, why don't you just get the OCW Bundle?! All your favorite stars and shows for just 0.99 a month! Anyways, we go back to The Yard and Belvedere is standing at the ready! ~
Belvedere: The following match is your Main Event of the evening! It is a first round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first….At a combined weight of 330 pounds….they are "God's Girlfriend" Chastity Temple and "The King of Dong Style" John E. Depth….this is THE BIBLE CLUB!!!
"BIBLE CLUB! FOFOFOFO-FOR GOD!"
~ The Yard erupts with cheers as "Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang plays over the speaker. The cheers get louder as Chastity Temple makes her way out onto the grass!! She is wearing her trademark short, plaid skirt and a tightly fitting "BIBLE CLUB" T-shirt. She walks into The Yard but pauses halfway down the grass. She turns and points back at the house. The cheers get louder as John E. Depth steps out from behind the curtain! He stretches out his arms to proudly display his Bible Club shirt! He's holding several shirts in his hands.
Chastity and Depth run up to each other and high five! Depth then starts throwing "Bible Club" T-shirts to the fans and Chastity high-fives fans as the pair make their way to the ring. When the get in the ring, Depth and Chastity drop to their knees in the middle of the ring and fold their hands as if praying. The fans are ready, they know what's coming next. Depth and Chastity both jump to their feet with their arms spread wide like a cross!! ~
Fans/Depth/Chastity: BIBLE CLUB, BAYBAY!!!
~ The Yardies cheer more as the music dies down and Th Bible Club go to their corner. Belvedere continues as the fans settle down. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. thrown together at the last second to replace The Lockwoods…..they are GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ The Yard is a mixture of cheers and boos as "Welcome to Hell" by Venom starts to play. Max Rotten and Gilbert walk out. Rotten has an arm around Gilbert's shoulders and looks like he's talking strategy. Gilbert looks like he is worried about these plans, but he's not gonna argue with this sociopath. The pair get to the ring and Mitch checks everyone before signaling for the bell. The match is underway. Chasing steps through the rope, intent on letting Depth start this one. Rotten immediately flings Gilbert onto his shoulders and charges at Temple. Rotten drives Gilbert's feet into the back of Chastity's head! The Yardies boo as Temple tumbles to the grass in a heap! ~
Zybala: Cheap shot by The Rob Characters!
Dean: I guess he really is… Rotten.
Zybala: Meh, 5 outta 10 pun rating.
~ As Depth turns to the pair, Rotten flings Gilbert at him! Gilbert hits Depth crossbody style, making both men fall to the mat. As Depth is trying to shove a squirming Gilbert off of himself, Rotten grabs Gil by the foot and pulls him away. Rotten then grabs Depth, and drags him up between Rotten's legs! He lifts Depth up and drops him with the Rotten Bomb (sit out powerbomb)!! Rotten puts his legs over Depth's shoulders and yells at Gilbert to "Watch out for the bitch!" Mitch makes the count! ~
Mitch: One..…
Two……
THREE!!!
Belvedere: Here are you winners…. GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ Max jumps to his feet and deftly avoids flying beer cans from angry fans as he celebrates the wins. Gilbert gets to his to join, but is not sure of Rotten's methods. ~
Dean: Well, damn. Didn't see that coming. Rotten and Gil move on in da tourney.
Zybala: And that officially puts us in the quarter finals! All of which will be taking part at Dystopia 29!
Dean: Can we afford that, sucka?
Zybala: We'll figure that out after! I mean, we are getting paid to tell folks to tune into Massacre next. So we got extra cash to pay people with.
Dean: By the way, stay tuned to watch Monday Night Massacre on OCW wherever you usually view the show! That good enough?
Zybala: Works for me. For Dean, I'm Mike Zybala, saying Good Fight, Goodnight!!
