Post by zybala on Mar 19, 2024 8:24:43 GMT -5
~ Happy New Year mother fuckers!!! Welcome to the first Outsiders show of 2023 as we bring you DYSTOPIA 29!! The tournament is marching along as we eliminated half of the original 16 teams! The Yard is looking great as always; never affected by the usual Florida weather. Are The Mariachi Band sorcerers or did Zybla make a deal with the old gods? Who knows. What we do know is that The Yardies are excited for the action that they can only get in The Yard. The Eastern European and Emilio are at their usual post by the grills to feed the drunk and hungry. The port-o-potties have been cleaned and sanitized, as always. Don't want the fans being disgusted and trying to go into The House.
The Mariachi Band is playing "The Nowhere Generation", the official theme song of Outsiders! The fans love it. You love it. We all love it. It's a great song that truly defines Outsiders. Mitch and Belvedere are waiting in the ring, Belvedere is looking professional as always, and Mitch is….well, he's being Mitch. Y'all know what he's about. The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. He's joined as always by Mike Zybala. They look ready to start the show. ~
Dean: Happy 2023, suckas!! Hope y'all had a great holiday!! I know I did. Me and Lurrr put in a solid offer to buy OCW. So fingers crossed!
Zybala: I still have my 10 percent so I don't care who buys the rest. But what better way to start off the new year with Dystopia number 29!!
Dean: Ain't that right! Half the tourney roster is eliminated. We're in the quarter finals tonight! Who's moving on to the round, and who's just moving on?!
Zybala: And we also have our main event! After weeks of Poop talking, we will see The Nickleman throw down with Marcus Welsh! The winner will face Lord Allton for the Outsiders World Championship!
Dean: So much on the line, so little time to do it. Belvedere! Start this Poop!
~ Belvedere raises the microphone and does, indeed, start this Poop. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 29th episode of DYSTOPIA! The following match is our opening match of the show and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: And its a Quarter Finals round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament!......Introducing first… at a combined weight of unknown pounds because you don't ask ladies their weight…they are FANNY AND VICKY STONE!!!!
~ Zybala presses a few buttons on the laptop and after a YouTube ad plays, hits the speakers. The Yardies let out loud cheers as Vicky Stone enters the backyard first, followed by a glaring Fanny. They make their way to the ring and enter as the music dies down. Belvedere gets a solemn look on his face as he continues. ~
Belvedere: Due to horrible, unforeseen circumstances, The Sons of Krayzie had to drop out of the tournament. Could we all please observe a moment of silence followed by a ten bell salute for their family member.
~ Everyone bows their heads in a moment of respect and prayer before Dean hits the cowbell ten times. The Yardies clap and start a "KRAYZIE FAMILY" chant for a while. After a minute of this Fanny hits Vicky in the back of the head with a big forearm! Vicky stumbles forward as Fanny starts flailing her arms wildly with punches and slaps to the back of Vicky's back and head! Fanny starts yelling incoherently, but one word sticks out. "WIZARD" ~
Dean: Bitch is still mad over The Wizard, apparently.
Zybala: How can you tell?
Dean: I speak angry woman. She pissed about Vicky allowing him to do backdoor stuff.
Zybala: Well, damn.
~ Fanny is pressing her assault as she turns Vicky to face her. Fanny jumps up and grabs Vicky's head and brings her down with The FAN! That's a Codebreaker for those who don't want to search for Fanny's bio. Vicky is laid out on the mat and Fanny leaves the ring. Mitch checks on Vicky as we go to a commercial. ~
~ And we're back. Wasn't that interesting?? Anyways, let's keep going with the action. You want it, I want it, let's just go with it. Belvedere is in the ring and ready to go! ~
Belvedere: The following match is a Quarter Finals round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: Introducing first…. Hailing from Mount Olympus…. At a combined weight of, according to them, 476 pounds of pure, godly muscle…..This is Zeus and Hades… THE GREEK GODS!!!
~ Metallica's "Enter Sandman" hits the speakers as The Yard erupts with cheers. Zeus and Hades strut out of the house. The drunker of the fans drop to their knees and bow to The Gods while shouting "we're not worthy" routine. The Gods approve. They make their way to the ring as Hades slides under the ropes and wiggles his tongue around, trying to look menacing as Zeus climbs to the middle ropes, throwing a fist in the air. They then stand in the ring flexing for the crowd, feeling the good vibes. Belvedere continues to work his craft. ~
Belvedere: and their opponents….. Hailing from the Starship Desolator….. weighing in at a combined weight of "All the love in the universe".... Representing Sports Entertainment Xpress…. This is Major Helmet and Bug Girl!!!
~ The opening power chord of "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness starts playing as Bug Girl (think Mantis from Guardians of the Galaxy) and Major Helmet (Dark Helmet from SpaceBalls) make their way into The Yard. The duo are holding hands as they walk down the lawn towards the ring. The Yardies are rocking out to the pair's theme song, many of them are drunkenly trying to hit the high notes. They get to the ring and the speakers stop playing, but The Yardies don't. The song is that awesome. ~
Dean: Where da fuq are Space Lord and Terry Marshall??
Zybala: How the hell do I know? These two are part of S.E.X. so they fit the criteria.
Dean: I thought these two died.
Zybala: Am I writing a bio on S.E.X.? I have no clue!
~ The fans finish the song and a huge cheer erupts. Mitch claps for the fans before checking both teams, then calls for the bell. Helmet starts the match for his team and Hades for his. Hades rushes up and punches Helmet in the helmet! The headpiece is firm as Hades' fist bounces off! The god shakes his hand in pain as Helmet runs to the ropes to build momentum and lowers his head. He runs helmet first into Hades' stomach! The god doubles over and backs away into his corner. Helmet lowers his head again and charges! Zeus pushes his brother to the side and Helmet hits the corner! His helmet gets stuck between the top and middle turnbuckles!! ~
Zybala: Helmet is stuck! Helmet is stuck!
Dean: Smart move by Zeus, moving his brother.
Zybala: Speaking of smart, Zeus tags himself in. He's gonna let Hades catch his breath.
Dean: The brotherly love is strong with them.
~ Zeus is in the ring and charges at Bug Girl! Bug Girl looks confused then scared as Zeus jumps at her! He nails the alien with a "godly" fist that sends Bug Girl tumbling to the grass! Zeus goes back to his corner and tries to grab the Major, but Helmet has freed himself! He is about to approach Zeus, but suddenly all Helmet can see is darkness! From behind, Hades has spun the helmet around, making Helmet blinded! Hades reaches out for the tag and Zeus complies. Hades comes in the ring and boots the Major in the guy. He doubles over and Hades rips off the helmet from Helmet!!
Hades tucks the helmetless head between his legs and hooks the arms. He then jumps and hits Damnation (a 10% decent Pedigree)!!!! Major is out on the mat as Hades rolls him over and makes the cover! Mitch gets in position as Bug Girl gets back in the ring. She tries to break up the pin but Zeus intercepts her and they fall to the mat as Mitch starts to count! ~
Mitch: One……
Two…….
THREE!!!
~ The bell rings as Hades looks shocked! The fans erupt with cheers! ~
Belvedere: Here are your winners and moving on to the Semi-Finals…. THE GREEK GODS!!
~ Mitch holds up the arms of The Gods as The Yardies cheer more. You thought the gods' last win had the water works. Oh, my brothers and sisters, you ain't seen nothing yet! Zeus starts to ugly cry with happiness as Hades falls to his knees barely able to catch breath as he sobs. Zeus drops beside his brother and Mitch actually joins them in a godly embrace. ~
Dean: Another win and another silly costume helping the gods.
Zybala: Why are you hating? They won by pinfall this time. They took off the helmet. Give credit, man.
Dean: Fine. They earned this one. But how will the suckas do in the semi finals?
Zybala: Time will tell. We'll see who they'll face later tonight when Ehud and THE PROCTOLOGIST face Gilbert and Max Rotten.
~ Zeus and Hades leave the ring and start climbing into the crowd, still celebrating! It's a repeat of the last time they won. Beer and tears flow freely as everyone acts as if The Gods won the tag titles. Eventually things settle down as The Gods head back in the house and Belvedere gets back in the ring. ~
Belvedere: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall.
Yardies: ONE FALL!
Belvedere: And it is a Quarter Finals round match…. Introducing first ….. at a combined weight of 209 pounds??... that can't be right.. oh well…. They are Crash Rodriguez and Easton Alexander! The Most Important Tag Team in Outsider's History! THE CROOKED DRAGONS!!!!
~ hits the speakers as a confused Crash Rodriguez exits the house. That's not his music. He shrugs and makes his way to the ring. It's the Yardies turn to be confused as everyone sees Crash carrying a large cardboard cutout of Easton Alexander, whom he seems to be arguing with… ~
Zybala: The Crooked Dragons are still bickering, I see. And Crash is literally carrying his partner to the ring!
Dean: Did Easton lose some weight? He looks thinner…
~ Crash gets in the ring and poses the cutout in the center. Crash stands next to "Easton" and raises his arms up to the cheers for the sheer absurdity of this. The sea shanty stops playing and Belvedere proceeds to announce the next team. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents.… introducing first…. From Little Italy, NYC by way of Sicily…. Weighing in at 550 pounds…. FRANCISCO 'FRANKIE LAROSSIA!!!!
~ The Beastie Boys "No Sleep Til Brooklyn'' hits the speakers and the fandls let out huge cheer. The huge 7 feet 5 inch giant has to duck as he exits the house. The Yardies cheer more as they sew Lord Allton wheel out from behind Frankie. They high-five fans on the way to the ring. Crash seems to be talking strategy with the Easton cut out as Frankie steps over the top rope and Allton wheels himself to a corner. Belvedere continues as the music stops…~
Belvedere: And his partner… Hailing from Greenwich, Connecticut but residing in Hollywood, California... weighing in at 225 pounds…..accompanied by the Children of Vard... this is DYLAN THOMAS!!!!!!!!!!
~The opening bars of 'Watch Me Shine' by Fozzy plays and some of the Yardies cheer while the rest boo. After a few moments the backdoor slides open and out steps Lopa followed by her disciples. Upon seeing them, everyone boos. The trio ignores them and a moment later, Dylan walks out behind them. He looks around at The Yard, ignoring the fans as he makes his way to the ring. He hops up on the apron and steps through the ropes. Dylan ignores Frankie as he hops up on the nearest turnbuckle merely staring at The Yardies. The Children of Vard head to Dylan and Frankie’s corner. Allton stares daggers at Lopa.~
Dean: It seems that the world champ don't like the wolf bitch that much.
Zybala: She's a homewrecker. Nobody likes a homewrecker.
~ Dylan tells Frankie that he's starting the match for his team. Frankie shrugs as he steps over the ropes and waits in the corner. Crash and "Easton" are arguing over who starts first when Crash grabs his "partner" by the neck and heaves him over the top rope. Crash stands the cardboard cutout on the apron, and turns to face Dylan. Satisfied, Mitch signals for the bell. The match is underway! Crash goes to lockup but Dylan rocks him with a fist to the face. Surprised, Crash shakes his head and returns the favor! The two men start trading lefts and rights much to the fans delight. Crash starts to get the upper hand and forces Thomas into a neutral corner.
Seeing their leader in trouble, The Cult rush towards Crash's corner and attack the cardboard cutout! This catches Crash's attention and he goes over to stop them. Dylan runs up behind Crash and rolls him up for a pin, grabbing a fist full of tights as he does. Mitch, who was about to yell at Lupa and her cronies, sees the pin in his peripheral vision. He gets in position and makes the count! ~
Mitch: One……
Two…….
THREE!!!
~ The bell rings as Crash kicks out looking shocked! Dylan quickly rolls out of the ring and leaves The Yard with his cult. Lupa smiles and goes over to Allton. She hulls back and Fuding tries to slap The Lord of Dashing, but is stopped when Allton catches her hand. Dylan drags her away as a seething Allton calls her a massive cunt! Frankie stands next to his boss, placing a massive hand on Allton's shoulder, trying to calm him down. ~
Belvedere: Here are your winners and moving on to the Semi-Finals Rounds…..FRANKIE LAROSSIA AND DYLAN THOMAS!!!
Zybala: With a distraction from his new family, Dylan has secured the win for his old family!
Dean: And it doesn't seem Crash is happy with his "partner" about it.
~ Crash rolls out of the ring and starts yelling at the cutout, which is still on the ground. He is calling the cardboard man "useless" and "a piece of Poop" and stuff like that. He then picks up "Easton" only to drop him with a sick Crash Landing! Crash is still yelling as he leaves The Yard, all the while getting booed. The Mariachi Band comes out with an inflatable pool raft and carefully puts the cardboard cutout on it. They put a necklace around the cutout and carefully bring it into the house as The Yardies cheer and we cut to a commercial. ~
Belvedere: The following match is a Quarter Finals round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!!
Belvedere: Introducing first….. hailing from Moab….. at a combined weight of 367.35 pounds…. They are EHUD OF MOAB AND THE PROCTOLOGIST!!!
~ The Yardies cheer when Madonna's "Like a Prayer" hits the speakers and Ehud slowly comes shuffling out. While he is shadow boxing, THE PROCTOLOGIST enters The Yard behind his father. Seeing how slow Ehud is going and makes a decision. He picks up Ehud and carries him to the ring and rolls him under the ropes. As Ehud slowly gets to his feet, THE PROCTOLOGIST rolls into the ring and hops to his feet. He holds up his hands as Ehud boxes into them. The music stops and Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. weighing in at 400 pounds….. hailing from the land of Rob's mind….. they are GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ The Yard is a mixture of cheers and boos as "Welcome to Hell" by Venom starts to play. Max Rotten and Gilbert walk out. Rotten has an arm around Gilbert's shoulders and looks like he's talking strategy. Gilbert is visibly uncomfortable. He's still not used to this lunatic. The pair get to the ring and Mitch checks everyone before signaling for the bell! Gilbert and Ehud start the match for their teams. ~
Dean: The two smaller dudes of each team are starting the match.
Zybala: This is gonna be a snoozefest. Hopefully they tag in their partners quickly.
~ Ehud looks like he's about to throw down. Gilbert looks nervous but politely asks Ehud "didn't you retire?" Ehud looks confused for a moment then has a "oh yeah" look on his face. Ehud goes over to Mitch and talks to him for a bit before slowly going to the mat and rolling out of the ring. THE PROCTOLOGIST follows his dad, asking where the hell is he going while Mitch goes over to talk to Belvedere. Rotten is confused as everyone else. Mitch goes back in the ring and starts to raise Gilbert's arm. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners by way of forfeit by retirement…. And moving onto the Semi-Finals….. GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ The Yardies roar their disapproval while Rotten seems very upset he didn't get to fight anyone. He looks ready to fight Mitch, Gilbert, anyone and Lead Security Lucas Thames and The Mariachi Band rush the ring and grab Max. They drag the kicking and screaming man out of The Yard as we cut to commercial. ~
~ We come back to a calmer, Max Rotten free Yard. Belvedere is ready and waiting. We go over to Zybala and Dean. ~
Dean: Welcome back, Suckas! Lotta weird commercials this show, but we getting paid so who cares!
Zybala: Preach! And it's main event time! I know this match will have more action than the last match. Though, it was interesting to see someone win a match by logical debate…
Dean: Man, Fudge debate, I wanna see someone get fucked up! Belvedere! Let's get us a new number one contender!!
Belvedere: The following Main Event match is for the number one contendership for the OCW world title…. And it's scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL
Belvedere: Introducing first….. He is known worldwide…. A man who would be done justice by any introduction…... He is MARCUS WELSH!!
~ The sound of glass shattering hits the speakers followed by Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme hitting the speakers as a fierce looking Marcus Welsh emerges from the house. He is adorned in a black tracksuit and a look of determination on his face. He walks to the ring with a purpose as The Yardies surprisingly give him loud applause. ~
Dean: I done seen it all now, sucka. Welsh actually getting a loud pop in Outsiders.
Zybala: The Yard appreciates the downtrodden, and Marcus has been in the gutter lately.
Dean: But he led a crusade against us.
Zybala: And he gave us enough people for the tag tourney. Take the good with the bad.
~ Welsh gets in the ring and goes to a corner. He climbs to the second rope and reaches in his pockets. He pulls out two cans of Spaghetti-Os and pops them open. To what has to be the biggest cheer he has ever recieved, Welsh holds them above his head and smashes them together and pours the contents over himself. He hops down and Greg runs from the house with a towel. He hands it to Welsh, who cleans himself off as Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And his opponent….from Steubenville, Ohio…. weighing in at 265 pounds…. He is THE NICKLEMAN!!
~ As soon as the name leaves Belvedere's lips, the boos fill The Yard. It sounds like even the whole neighborhood is booing! The boos are so loud that one can barely here hit the speakers. The Nickleman walks out of the house in his usual gear, but is sporting a flowing robe. He turns and spreads his arms wide. We see "Fudge WELSH & Fudge YOU!" embroidered on the back. The Yardies are losing it! Some even stand out of their chairs as if to fight The Bastard. Nickleman just laughs as he makes his way to the ring. The music stops and Belvedere leaves the ring as Mitch checks both wrestlers before starting the match. ~
Dean: Main Event time! Winner faces SuckaLord at Triple X! How long you think Welsh can hold out?
Zybala: Don't count Marcus out just yet. I fought him before. He may not be much of a wrestler, but he can take a pounding like nobody else. Nickleman may wear himself out beating up Marcus.
Dean: You smoking Mitch's stash, man? Cuz that ain't happening.
~ Nickleman shows Welsh the back of his robe before taking it off. Welsh looks pissed, and he gets angrier when Nickleman starts his Poop talking. The fans boo as Nickleman starts pushing Welsh around like a playground bully, laughing all the while. When Marcus tries to shove back, The Nickleman merely dodges and shoves Welsh back. After a few minutes of this taunting, The Nickleman leans forward and taps his chin. He's giving Welsh a free shot!
The Yardies cheer as they urge Welsh to take advantage of the offer. Welsh holds up a fist and the cheers get louder. The Bastards member taps his chin again and even closes his eyes. Welsh looks enraged at this lack of respect. He cocks back his fist, but jumps back and leaps forward with a Superkick!!! It hits Nickleman square on the jaw and he drops! The fans are stunned into silence but it doesn't last long as they yell at Welsh, who is also stunned, to "COVER HIM!" ~
Zybala: HOLY Poop!!
Dean: NO WAY!!
Zybala: HE LEARNED THAT FROM ME!!
Dean: COVER HIM YOU IDIOT!!
~ Welsh snaps out of his surprise and quickly covers Nickleman! Mitch starts to count and is joined by the fans! ~
Mitch/Yardies: ONE!.......
TWO!.......
THRNOOOO!
~ The Nickleman kicks out before Mitch's hand can hit the mat a third time. The Yardies boo as Welsh looks dejected. He tries to get Nickleman in a headlock, but his opponent powers both him and Welsh to their feet. We see a small trickle of blood dripping from the corner of Nickleman's lip. He wipes it away as he stares at Welsh and mouths the words "Thank you sir. May I have another?"
Welsh shows no fear and swings a fist at Nickleman, who ducks the punch. Welsh isn't going to let up though as he keeps throwing punches at his foe, who keeps blocking or dodging them. The fans are cheering, urging Welsh on. They want him to beat this Bastard! ~
Dean: Welsh showing more heart than I expected.
Zybala: It's the spirit of The Yard! He's been here long enough to feel it. It makes fighters of us all.
Dean: Seriously, quit smoking Mitch's Poop.
~Welsh cocks back his arm and swings a mighty right hard and fast at Nickleman's head. He's going for the knock out on this one. Sadly for him, Charlie quickly catches the fist in his own hand and smiles at Welsh. He then drives a boot into Welsh's breadbasket! Nickleman releases Welsh's hand as the latter doubles over. Nickleman cinches Welsh's head, and lifts him up for a stalling suplex. He shouts out a ten count while the fans boo. Nobody wishes to count with him. At ten, he brings Welsh crashing to the mat. Marcus cries out in pain but Nickleman doesn't cover him.
Instead, he lifts Welsh up to his feet and lifts him up for another suplex. This one isn't delayed though, as Welsh seems to slip out of Nickleman's grasp! But Nickleman catches him and drops Marcus with a sloppy looking piledriver! The Yardies groan as the top of Welsh's head hits the mat. The Nickleman stands up and taunts the booing crowd. ~
Zybala: Steubenville Screwdriver! That had to hurt!
Dean: Welsh has been through worse. I've kidnapped him, you beat him up in an amusement park. He's been in a coma, had amnesia, and throwing from a second story window.
Zybala: How hasn't he died?
Dean: Sucka's resilient?
~ Nickleman seems pleased with his work. He lazily covers Welsh as Mitch makes the count. ~
Mitch: One……
Two…..
~ Welsh kicks out, surprising everyone! Nickleman gets to his knees, seemingly mildly impressed that Welsh was able to kick out. He drags Welsh over to a corner and sits him up against the bottom turnbuckle. Welsh is still in LaLa Land as Nickleman goes to the opposite corner and lines up Marcus. Nickleman comes charging in! At the last second, Marcus drops to the mat and rolls away! Nickleman's knee crashes into the turnbuckle much to The Yardies delight! Welsh quickly stands up as Nickleman hobbles away from the corner. Welsh spins Nickleman to face him, jumps as high as he can, and nails a beautiful dropkick to Nickleman's hurt knee!
Nickleman drops to his good knee and Marcus jumps up with another dropkick!! His feet hit Charlie in the chest and knocks him on his back! The Yard is alive with cheers as Welsh climbs to the bottom turnbuckle and flies off; driving an elbow into the chest of Nickleman! Welsh quickly gets back up and ascends to the middle turnbuckle and jumps off with another elbow drop on his opponent! He looks up at the top turnbuckle and deems it too high and makes the cover! ~
Mitch: One…….
Two…
THREEEENNOOOO!!!
~ At the last second, The Nickleman kicks out. Welsh argues with Mitch about his counting. ~
Zybala: Another near fall for Marcus there.
Dean: Maybe I should give him a little more credit.
Zybala: Maybe we all should.
~ Welsh looks annoyed at the kickout, or maybe it's the actual effort he's putting into this match. He stands up, trying to drag his opponent up with him, but Nickleman doesn't budge. Welsh tries and tries but he can't get the bigger man to move. He tries one last time, only to be met with a thumb to the eye! He staggers back as Nickleman quickly gets to his feet. He boots Marcus in the stomach and hooks both of his arms and nails Devil Hook Drop Double-Arm DDT!!!! Nickleman makes the cover as the entire Yard boos! ~
Mitch: One……
Two……..
THREE!!!
~ The bell rings and garbage begins flying into the squared circle! Mitch runs for cover as Nickleman stands and spreads his arms wide. It's as if the fans hate is making him stronger. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner and Number One Contender to the OCW World Championship…… THE NICKLEMAN!!
~ The Nickleman raises his arms above his head in victory. But instead of his music playing, "Jesus Christ Superstar" hits and the boos turn to cheers! Lord Allton walks out of the house with the help of his leg braces and he holds the world title high above his head. Nickleman laughs as if the belt is already his. ~
Dean: And the champ is out here! SuckaLord is eyeballing his new challenger, and for once it ain't Soot Losem or Barry!
Zybala: Nickleman has punched his ticket to Dystopia XXX! Who's gonna win? Who will be the champion?! We'll see at the pay-per-view!!
~ The two men, champion and challenger, stare at one another across The Yard as the show fades to black! See you all at Dystopia XXX!! ~
The Mariachi Band is playing "The Nowhere Generation", the official theme song of Outsiders! The fans love it. You love it. We all love it. It's a great song that truly defines Outsiders. Mitch and Belvedere are waiting in the ring, Belvedere is looking professional as always, and Mitch is….well, he's being Mitch. Y'all know what he's about. The refrigerator box/announcer table is standing proudly. Behind the "table" is the original Outsider Dean. He's joined as always by Mike Zybala. They look ready to start the show. ~
Dean: Happy 2023, suckas!! Hope y'all had a great holiday!! I know I did. Me and Lurrr put in a solid offer to buy OCW. So fingers crossed!
Zybala: I still have my 10 percent so I don't care who buys the rest. But what better way to start off the new year with Dystopia number 29!!
Dean: Ain't that right! Half the tourney roster is eliminated. We're in the quarter finals tonight! Who's moving on to the round, and who's just moving on?!
Zybala: And we also have our main event! After weeks of Poop talking, we will see The Nickleman throw down with Marcus Welsh! The winner will face Lord Allton for the Outsiders World Championship!
Dean: So much on the line, so little time to do it. Belvedere! Start this Poop!
~ Belvedere raises the microphone and does, indeed, start this Poop. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 29th episode of DYSTOPIA! The following match is our opening match of the show and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: And its a Quarter Finals round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament!......Introducing first… at a combined weight of unknown pounds because you don't ask ladies their weight…they are FANNY AND VICKY STONE!!!!
~ Zybala presses a few buttons on the laptop and after a YouTube ad plays, hits the speakers. The Yardies let out loud cheers as Vicky Stone enters the backyard first, followed by a glaring Fanny. They make their way to the ring and enter as the music dies down. Belvedere gets a solemn look on his face as he continues. ~
Belvedere: Due to horrible, unforeseen circumstances, The Sons of Krayzie had to drop out of the tournament. Could we all please observe a moment of silence followed by a ten bell salute for their family member.
~ Everyone bows their heads in a moment of respect and prayer before Dean hits the cowbell ten times. The Yardies clap and start a "KRAYZIE FAMILY" chant for a while. After a minute of this Fanny hits Vicky in the back of the head with a big forearm! Vicky stumbles forward as Fanny starts flailing her arms wildly with punches and slaps to the back of Vicky's back and head! Fanny starts yelling incoherently, but one word sticks out. "WIZARD" ~
Dean: Bitch is still mad over The Wizard, apparently.
Zybala: How can you tell?
Dean: I speak angry woman. She pissed about Vicky allowing him to do backdoor stuff.
Zybala: Well, damn.
~ Fanny is pressing her assault as she turns Vicky to face her. Fanny jumps up and grabs Vicky's head and brings her down with The FAN! That's a Codebreaker for those who don't want to search for Fanny's bio. Vicky is laid out on the mat and Fanny leaves the ring. Mitch checks on Vicky as we go to a commercial. ~
~ And we're back. Wasn't that interesting?? Anyways, let's keep going with the action. You want it, I want it, let's just go with it. Belvedere is in the ring and ready to go! ~
Belvedere: The following match is a Quarter Finals round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!
Belvedere: Introducing first…. Hailing from Mount Olympus…. At a combined weight of, according to them, 476 pounds of pure, godly muscle…..This is Zeus and Hades… THE GREEK GODS!!!
~ Metallica's "Enter Sandman" hits the speakers as The Yard erupts with cheers. Zeus and Hades strut out of the house. The drunker of the fans drop to their knees and bow to The Gods while shouting "we're not worthy" routine. The Gods approve. They make their way to the ring as Hades slides under the ropes and wiggles his tongue around, trying to look menacing as Zeus climbs to the middle ropes, throwing a fist in the air. They then stand in the ring flexing for the crowd, feeling the good vibes. Belvedere continues to work his craft. ~
Belvedere: and their opponents….. Hailing from the Starship Desolator….. weighing in at a combined weight of "All the love in the universe".... Representing Sports Entertainment Xpress…. This is Major Helmet and Bug Girl!!!
~ The opening power chord of "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness starts playing as Bug Girl (think Mantis from Guardians of the Galaxy) and Major Helmet (Dark Helmet from SpaceBalls) make their way into The Yard. The duo are holding hands as they walk down the lawn towards the ring. The Yardies are rocking out to the pair's theme song, many of them are drunkenly trying to hit the high notes. They get to the ring and the speakers stop playing, but The Yardies don't. The song is that awesome. ~
Dean: Where da fuq are Space Lord and Terry Marshall??
Zybala: How the hell do I know? These two are part of S.E.X. so they fit the criteria.
Dean: I thought these two died.
Zybala: Am I writing a bio on S.E.X.? I have no clue!
~ The fans finish the song and a huge cheer erupts. Mitch claps for the fans before checking both teams, then calls for the bell. Helmet starts the match for his team and Hades for his. Hades rushes up and punches Helmet in the helmet! The headpiece is firm as Hades' fist bounces off! The god shakes his hand in pain as Helmet runs to the ropes to build momentum and lowers his head. He runs helmet first into Hades' stomach! The god doubles over and backs away into his corner. Helmet lowers his head again and charges! Zeus pushes his brother to the side and Helmet hits the corner! His helmet gets stuck between the top and middle turnbuckles!! ~
Zybala: Helmet is stuck! Helmet is stuck!
Dean: Smart move by Zeus, moving his brother.
Zybala: Speaking of smart, Zeus tags himself in. He's gonna let Hades catch his breath.
Dean: The brotherly love is strong with them.
~ Zeus is in the ring and charges at Bug Girl! Bug Girl looks confused then scared as Zeus jumps at her! He nails the alien with a "godly" fist that sends Bug Girl tumbling to the grass! Zeus goes back to his corner and tries to grab the Major, but Helmet has freed himself! He is about to approach Zeus, but suddenly all Helmet can see is darkness! From behind, Hades has spun the helmet around, making Helmet blinded! Hades reaches out for the tag and Zeus complies. Hades comes in the ring and boots the Major in the guy. He doubles over and Hades rips off the helmet from Helmet!!
Hades tucks the helmetless head between his legs and hooks the arms. He then jumps and hits Damnation (a 10% decent Pedigree)!!!! Major is out on the mat as Hades rolls him over and makes the cover! Mitch gets in position as Bug Girl gets back in the ring. She tries to break up the pin but Zeus intercepts her and they fall to the mat as Mitch starts to count! ~
Mitch: One……
Two…….
THREE!!!
~ The bell rings as Hades looks shocked! The fans erupt with cheers! ~
Belvedere: Here are your winners and moving on to the Semi-Finals…. THE GREEK GODS!!
~ Mitch holds up the arms of The Gods as The Yardies cheer more. You thought the gods' last win had the water works. Oh, my brothers and sisters, you ain't seen nothing yet! Zeus starts to ugly cry with happiness as Hades falls to his knees barely able to catch breath as he sobs. Zeus drops beside his brother and Mitch actually joins them in a godly embrace. ~
Dean: Another win and another silly costume helping the gods.
Zybala: Why are you hating? They won by pinfall this time. They took off the helmet. Give credit, man.
Dean: Fine. They earned this one. But how will the suckas do in the semi finals?
Zybala: Time will tell. We'll see who they'll face later tonight when Ehud and THE PROCTOLOGIST face Gilbert and Max Rotten.
~ Zeus and Hades leave the ring and start climbing into the crowd, still celebrating! It's a repeat of the last time they won. Beer and tears flow freely as everyone acts as if The Gods won the tag titles. Eventually things settle down as The Gods head back in the house and Belvedere gets back in the ring. ~
Belvedere: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall.
Yardies: ONE FALL!
Belvedere: And it is a Quarter Finals round match…. Introducing first ….. at a combined weight of 209 pounds??... that can't be right.. oh well…. They are Crash Rodriguez and Easton Alexander! The Most Important Tag Team in Outsider's History! THE CROOKED DRAGONS!!!!
~ hits the speakers as a confused Crash Rodriguez exits the house. That's not his music. He shrugs and makes his way to the ring. It's the Yardies turn to be confused as everyone sees Crash carrying a large cardboard cutout of Easton Alexander, whom he seems to be arguing with… ~
Zybala: The Crooked Dragons are still bickering, I see. And Crash is literally carrying his partner to the ring!
Dean: Did Easton lose some weight? He looks thinner…
~ Crash gets in the ring and poses the cutout in the center. Crash stands next to "Easton" and raises his arms up to the cheers for the sheer absurdity of this. The sea shanty stops playing and Belvedere proceeds to announce the next team. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents.… introducing first…. From Little Italy, NYC by way of Sicily…. Weighing in at 550 pounds…. FRANCISCO 'FRANKIE LAROSSIA!!!!
~ The Beastie Boys "No Sleep Til Brooklyn'' hits the speakers and the fandls let out huge cheer. The huge 7 feet 5 inch giant has to duck as he exits the house. The Yardies cheer more as they sew Lord Allton wheel out from behind Frankie. They high-five fans on the way to the ring. Crash seems to be talking strategy with the Easton cut out as Frankie steps over the top rope and Allton wheels himself to a corner. Belvedere continues as the music stops…~
Belvedere: And his partner… Hailing from Greenwich, Connecticut but residing in Hollywood, California... weighing in at 225 pounds…..accompanied by the Children of Vard... this is DYLAN THOMAS!!!!!!!!!!
~The opening bars of 'Watch Me Shine' by Fozzy plays and some of the Yardies cheer while the rest boo. After a few moments the backdoor slides open and out steps Lopa followed by her disciples. Upon seeing them, everyone boos. The trio ignores them and a moment later, Dylan walks out behind them. He looks around at The Yard, ignoring the fans as he makes his way to the ring. He hops up on the apron and steps through the ropes. Dylan ignores Frankie as he hops up on the nearest turnbuckle merely staring at The Yardies. The Children of Vard head to Dylan and Frankie’s corner. Allton stares daggers at Lopa.~
Dean: It seems that the world champ don't like the wolf bitch that much.
Zybala: She's a homewrecker. Nobody likes a homewrecker.
~ Dylan tells Frankie that he's starting the match for his team. Frankie shrugs as he steps over the ropes and waits in the corner. Crash and "Easton" are arguing over who starts first when Crash grabs his "partner" by the neck and heaves him over the top rope. Crash stands the cardboard cutout on the apron, and turns to face Dylan. Satisfied, Mitch signals for the bell. The match is underway! Crash goes to lockup but Dylan rocks him with a fist to the face. Surprised, Crash shakes his head and returns the favor! The two men start trading lefts and rights much to the fans delight. Crash starts to get the upper hand and forces Thomas into a neutral corner.
Seeing their leader in trouble, The Cult rush towards Crash's corner and attack the cardboard cutout! This catches Crash's attention and he goes over to stop them. Dylan runs up behind Crash and rolls him up for a pin, grabbing a fist full of tights as he does. Mitch, who was about to yell at Lupa and her cronies, sees the pin in his peripheral vision. He gets in position and makes the count! ~
Mitch: One……
Two…….
THREE!!!
~ The bell rings as Crash kicks out looking shocked! Dylan quickly rolls out of the ring and leaves The Yard with his cult. Lupa smiles and goes over to Allton. She hulls back and Fuding tries to slap The Lord of Dashing, but is stopped when Allton catches her hand. Dylan drags her away as a seething Allton calls her a massive cunt! Frankie stands next to his boss, placing a massive hand on Allton's shoulder, trying to calm him down. ~
Belvedere: Here are your winners and moving on to the Semi-Finals Rounds…..FRANKIE LAROSSIA AND DYLAN THOMAS!!!
Zybala: With a distraction from his new family, Dylan has secured the win for his old family!
Dean: And it doesn't seem Crash is happy with his "partner" about it.
~ Crash rolls out of the ring and starts yelling at the cutout, which is still on the ground. He is calling the cardboard man "useless" and "a piece of Poop" and stuff like that. He then picks up "Easton" only to drop him with a sick Crash Landing! Crash is still yelling as he leaves The Yard, all the while getting booed. The Mariachi Band comes out with an inflatable pool raft and carefully puts the cardboard cutout on it. They put a necklace around the cutout and carefully bring it into the house as The Yardies cheer and we cut to a commercial. ~
Belvedere: The following match is a Quarter Finals round match in The Marcus Welsh Appreciation Tag Team Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!!
Belvedere: Introducing first….. hailing from Moab….. at a combined weight of 367.35 pounds…. They are EHUD OF MOAB AND THE PROCTOLOGIST!!!
~ The Yardies cheer when Madonna's "Like a Prayer" hits the speakers and Ehud slowly comes shuffling out. While he is shadow boxing, THE PROCTOLOGIST enters The Yard behind his father. Seeing how slow Ehud is going and makes a decision. He picks up Ehud and carries him to the ring and rolls him under the ropes. As Ehud slowly gets to his feet, THE PROCTOLOGIST rolls into the ring and hops to his feet. He holds up his hands as Ehud boxes into them. The music stops and Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And their opponents…. weighing in at 400 pounds….. hailing from the land of Rob's mind….. they are GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ The Yard is a mixture of cheers and boos as "Welcome to Hell" by Venom starts to play. Max Rotten and Gilbert walk out. Rotten has an arm around Gilbert's shoulders and looks like he's talking strategy. Gilbert is visibly uncomfortable. He's still not used to this lunatic. The pair get to the ring and Mitch checks everyone before signaling for the bell! Gilbert and Ehud start the match for their teams. ~
Dean: The two smaller dudes of each team are starting the match.
Zybala: This is gonna be a snoozefest. Hopefully they tag in their partners quickly.
~ Ehud looks like he's about to throw down. Gilbert looks nervous but politely asks Ehud "didn't you retire?" Ehud looks confused for a moment then has a "oh yeah" look on his face. Ehud goes over to Mitch and talks to him for a bit before slowly going to the mat and rolling out of the ring. THE PROCTOLOGIST follows his dad, asking where the hell is he going while Mitch goes over to talk to Belvedere. Rotten is confused as everyone else. Mitch goes back in the ring and starts to raise Gilbert's arm. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners by way of forfeit by retirement…. And moving onto the Semi-Finals….. GILBERT AND MAX ROTTEN!!
~ The Yardies roar their disapproval while Rotten seems very upset he didn't get to fight anyone. He looks ready to fight Mitch, Gilbert, anyone and Lead Security Lucas Thames and The Mariachi Band rush the ring and grab Max. They drag the kicking and screaming man out of The Yard as we cut to commercial. ~
~ We come back to a calmer, Max Rotten free Yard. Belvedere is ready and waiting. We go over to Zybala and Dean. ~
Dean: Welcome back, Suckas! Lotta weird commercials this show, but we getting paid so who cares!
Zybala: Preach! And it's main event time! I know this match will have more action than the last match. Though, it was interesting to see someone win a match by logical debate…
Dean: Man, Fudge debate, I wanna see someone get fucked up! Belvedere! Let's get us a new number one contender!!
Belvedere: The following Main Event match is for the number one contendership for the OCW world title…. And it's scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL
Belvedere: Introducing first….. He is known worldwide…. A man who would be done justice by any introduction…... He is MARCUS WELSH!!
~ The sound of glass shattering hits the speakers followed by Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme hitting the speakers as a fierce looking Marcus Welsh emerges from the house. He is adorned in a black tracksuit and a look of determination on his face. He walks to the ring with a purpose as The Yardies surprisingly give him loud applause. ~
Dean: I done seen it all now, sucka. Welsh actually getting a loud pop in Outsiders.
Zybala: The Yard appreciates the downtrodden, and Marcus has been in the gutter lately.
Dean: But he led a crusade against us.
Zybala: And he gave us enough people for the tag tourney. Take the good with the bad.
~ Welsh gets in the ring and goes to a corner. He climbs to the second rope and reaches in his pockets. He pulls out two cans of Spaghetti-Os and pops them open. To what has to be the biggest cheer he has ever recieved, Welsh holds them above his head and smashes them together and pours the contents over himself. He hops down and Greg runs from the house with a towel. He hands it to Welsh, who cleans himself off as Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And his opponent….from Steubenville, Ohio…. weighing in at 265 pounds…. He is THE NICKLEMAN!!
~ As soon as the name leaves Belvedere's lips, the boos fill The Yard. It sounds like even the whole neighborhood is booing! The boos are so loud that one can barely here hit the speakers. The Nickleman walks out of the house in his usual gear, but is sporting a flowing robe. He turns and spreads his arms wide. We see "Fudge WELSH & Fudge YOU!" embroidered on the back. The Yardies are losing it! Some even stand out of their chairs as if to fight The Bastard. Nickleman just laughs as he makes his way to the ring. The music stops and Belvedere leaves the ring as Mitch checks both wrestlers before starting the match. ~
Dean: Main Event time! Winner faces SuckaLord at Triple X! How long you think Welsh can hold out?
Zybala: Don't count Marcus out just yet. I fought him before. He may not be much of a wrestler, but he can take a pounding like nobody else. Nickleman may wear himself out beating up Marcus.
Dean: You smoking Mitch's stash, man? Cuz that ain't happening.
~ Nickleman shows Welsh the back of his robe before taking it off. Welsh looks pissed, and he gets angrier when Nickleman starts his Poop talking. The fans boo as Nickleman starts pushing Welsh around like a playground bully, laughing all the while. When Marcus tries to shove back, The Nickleman merely dodges and shoves Welsh back. After a few minutes of this taunting, The Nickleman leans forward and taps his chin. He's giving Welsh a free shot!
The Yardies cheer as they urge Welsh to take advantage of the offer. Welsh holds up a fist and the cheers get louder. The Bastards member taps his chin again and even closes his eyes. Welsh looks enraged at this lack of respect. He cocks back his fist, but jumps back and leaps forward with a Superkick!!! It hits Nickleman square on the jaw and he drops! The fans are stunned into silence but it doesn't last long as they yell at Welsh, who is also stunned, to "COVER HIM!" ~
Zybala: HOLY Poop!!
Dean: NO WAY!!
Zybala: HE LEARNED THAT FROM ME!!
Dean: COVER HIM YOU IDIOT!!
~ Welsh snaps out of his surprise and quickly covers Nickleman! Mitch starts to count and is joined by the fans! ~
Mitch/Yardies: ONE!.......
TWO!.......
THRNOOOO!
~ The Nickleman kicks out before Mitch's hand can hit the mat a third time. The Yardies boo as Welsh looks dejected. He tries to get Nickleman in a headlock, but his opponent powers both him and Welsh to their feet. We see a small trickle of blood dripping from the corner of Nickleman's lip. He wipes it away as he stares at Welsh and mouths the words "Thank you sir. May I have another?"
Welsh shows no fear and swings a fist at Nickleman, who ducks the punch. Welsh isn't going to let up though as he keeps throwing punches at his foe, who keeps blocking or dodging them. The fans are cheering, urging Welsh on. They want him to beat this Bastard! ~
Dean: Welsh showing more heart than I expected.
Zybala: It's the spirit of The Yard! He's been here long enough to feel it. It makes fighters of us all.
Dean: Seriously, quit smoking Mitch's Poop.
~Welsh cocks back his arm and swings a mighty right hard and fast at Nickleman's head. He's going for the knock out on this one. Sadly for him, Charlie quickly catches the fist in his own hand and smiles at Welsh. He then drives a boot into Welsh's breadbasket! Nickleman releases Welsh's hand as the latter doubles over. Nickleman cinches Welsh's head, and lifts him up for a stalling suplex. He shouts out a ten count while the fans boo. Nobody wishes to count with him. At ten, he brings Welsh crashing to the mat. Marcus cries out in pain but Nickleman doesn't cover him.
Instead, he lifts Welsh up to his feet and lifts him up for another suplex. This one isn't delayed though, as Welsh seems to slip out of Nickleman's grasp! But Nickleman catches him and drops Marcus with a sloppy looking piledriver! The Yardies groan as the top of Welsh's head hits the mat. The Nickleman stands up and taunts the booing crowd. ~
Zybala: Steubenville Screwdriver! That had to hurt!
Dean: Welsh has been through worse. I've kidnapped him, you beat him up in an amusement park. He's been in a coma, had amnesia, and throwing from a second story window.
Zybala: How hasn't he died?
Dean: Sucka's resilient?
~ Nickleman seems pleased with his work. He lazily covers Welsh as Mitch makes the count. ~
Mitch: One……
Two…..
~ Welsh kicks out, surprising everyone! Nickleman gets to his knees, seemingly mildly impressed that Welsh was able to kick out. He drags Welsh over to a corner and sits him up against the bottom turnbuckle. Welsh is still in LaLa Land as Nickleman goes to the opposite corner and lines up Marcus. Nickleman comes charging in! At the last second, Marcus drops to the mat and rolls away! Nickleman's knee crashes into the turnbuckle much to The Yardies delight! Welsh quickly stands up as Nickleman hobbles away from the corner. Welsh spins Nickleman to face him, jumps as high as he can, and nails a beautiful dropkick to Nickleman's hurt knee!
Nickleman drops to his good knee and Marcus jumps up with another dropkick!! His feet hit Charlie in the chest and knocks him on his back! The Yard is alive with cheers as Welsh climbs to the bottom turnbuckle and flies off; driving an elbow into the chest of Nickleman! Welsh quickly gets back up and ascends to the middle turnbuckle and jumps off with another elbow drop on his opponent! He looks up at the top turnbuckle and deems it too high and makes the cover! ~
Mitch: One…….
Two…
THREEEENNOOOO!!!
~ At the last second, The Nickleman kicks out. Welsh argues with Mitch about his counting. ~
Zybala: Another near fall for Marcus there.
Dean: Maybe I should give him a little more credit.
Zybala: Maybe we all should.
~ Welsh looks annoyed at the kickout, or maybe it's the actual effort he's putting into this match. He stands up, trying to drag his opponent up with him, but Nickleman doesn't budge. Welsh tries and tries but he can't get the bigger man to move. He tries one last time, only to be met with a thumb to the eye! He staggers back as Nickleman quickly gets to his feet. He boots Marcus in the stomach and hooks both of his arms and nails Devil Hook Drop Double-Arm DDT!!!! Nickleman makes the cover as the entire Yard boos! ~
Mitch: One……
Two……..
THREE!!!
~ The bell rings and garbage begins flying into the squared circle! Mitch runs for cover as Nickleman stands and spreads his arms wide. It's as if the fans hate is making him stronger. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner and Number One Contender to the OCW World Championship…… THE NICKLEMAN!!
~ The Nickleman raises his arms above his head in victory. But instead of his music playing, "Jesus Christ Superstar" hits and the boos turn to cheers! Lord Allton walks out of the house with the help of his leg braces and he holds the world title high above his head. Nickleman laughs as if the belt is already his. ~
Dean: And the champ is out here! SuckaLord is eyeballing his new challenger, and for once it ain't Soot Losem or Barry!
Zybala: Nickleman has punched his ticket to Dystopia XXX! Who's gonna win? Who will be the champion?! We'll see at the pay-per-view!!
~ The two men, champion and challenger, stare at one another across The Yard as the show fades to black! See you all at Dystopia XXX!! ~
