Post by The Malvado Brothers on Apr 9, 2024 9:54:59 GMT -5
The Malvados find themselves in a fierce wrestling match with… each other! In what appears to be the parking lot of El Salvador’s International Airport. Paco is watching them with a smile on his face as he sips on some Tequila while leaning against a black SUV. It’s nighttime, a humid 90-degree night but The Malvados don’t seem to care about working up a sweat or getting their clothes dirty. As they wrestle around on the ground, you hear them arguing.
Victor: Yo no regreso a Japon!
Hector: We have to go to Japan, it’s for work!
Victor: Nunca! La mujer del anillo esta allí!
Hector: The girl from the ring is not there, it’s Hanako, our tríos partner!
Victor: Same-o diference!
Hector of course referencing what went down in their “La Mucho Scary movie” adventure, you should watch that. But back to this story, the back door to the SUV opens and out steps Mama Malvado. She looks at her sons and shakes her head and then looks at Paco frustrated.
Mama Malvado: Seriously?!
Paco: What? This is how they always solve their disagreements.
Mama Malvado: They’re grown men! Stop them!
Paco: Nah…
Mama Malvado: Did you just say no to me?
She reaches down and takes off one of her chanclas. Paco drops his drink dramatically, and it shatters on the ground as his face is filled with horror.
Paco: ESTA BIEN! ESTA BIEN! There is no need for that level of violence!
Paco takes off his belt, 100% Salvadorian leather, and whips the boys once, catching both at the same time. They both squirm in pain but stop right away and get up, dusting themselves off.
Victor: Ouch papa, that really hurt!
Hector: Mucho hurt!
Paco: Would you prefer your mother’s chancla?
Their eyes bulge out of their masks.
Victor: No gracias!
Hector: Merced por favor! Merced!
Paco: That’s what I thought. Alright, get your bags and let’s go, you don’t want to miss the plane to Tokyo… Last thing we want is to keep our new partner, temporary or not, waiting.
The Malvados nod grudgingly and then head for the back to get their bags and begin shoving at each other, until the back window rolls down and the mom sticks out the chancla. They drop quicker than a Crypt during a Blood drive by. Paco tosses them their bags and the boys reluctantly get up, grab them and head towards a private entrance that leads to where a private plane to Japan is waiting.
Tokyo.
It's night.
Clad in black and orange, Hanako looks down from the rooftop of the abandoned plush animal factory she's called home for the last few nights. Below, everything is bright and neon... blue and pink lights flicker in her darkened eyes. Plucking her cellphone from her pocket, she swipes the screen, sees the time... rolls her eyes. Frustrated, she speaks aloud to no one in particular.
Hanako: What the heck, man... where are they?
She gave them the time... she gave them the place.
Hanako: This is ridiculous.
Still, she waits.
Hanako: I know they're like... mucho evil or whatever, but being evil and being late aren't mutually exclusive. I mean, I've been around evil -- I KNOW EVIL, OKAY? And all I'm saying is... evil is usually on time.
She huffs, blowing orange hair out of her eyes.
Hanako: That's why it's evil.
She scans the area, seeing no signs of life below... at least, not the life she's looking for.
Hanako: No hanging out, no sleeping in, just... evil, evil, evil.
Taking a deep breath, she shakes her head. A gentle breeze brushes past her, causing a curtain of hair to obscure her eyes. Using her hand to move it back out of her face, pushing it behind her ear, she mutters to herself, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Hanako: Come on, you two... I need this.
She clenches her jaw, almost growling the words.
Hanako: I have to beat Matt Knox. He doesn't get to just --
Suddenly, she hears the shouting from below... the stern, authoritative voices... Spanish speaking men. Raising an eyebrow, she throws one leg over the edge of the roof and climbs onto the ladder just underneath, sliding down effortlessly before landing in a crouched position. Tilting her head to the side, she listens... hears more shouting, arguing... Spanish insults followed by retorts in Japanese. She hears the clatter of a trash can falling over and mutters to herself as she rises, sprinting in the direction of the voices.
Hanako: Please tell me you two idiots didn't rile up Yakuza --
Rounding the corner into a nearby alley, she sees the men well before they see her... before they hear her, even. Hector and Victor Malvado stand ready to fight, surrounded by... not Yakuza.
Worse than Yakuza.
Black Company thugs in black three-piece suits and demonic red oni masks... swords drawn. Hanako ducks behind a dumpster, peeking over the edge as one of the men in black speaks.
Oni Mask: We know why you're here... take us to the girl!
Victor: ¿Que chica?
Oni Mask: English or Japanese! None of us speak Spanish!
Hector: Oh, but you should. How do you hope to move up in your... obviously evil organization if you do not harness the power of the second most, yet still very best, spoken language in the world?
Oni Mask: Tell us where she is... and maybe you will walk away from this.
Hector: Maybe? My brother and I do not deal in... "maybe."
The men in oni masks look at one another, confused.
Hector: Perhaps you can tell us why you're looking for this... girl?
Hanako crosses her fingers, whispering.
Hanako: ...please don't mention that I'm an undead fiend from beyond the grave --
Oni Mask: She's an undead fiend from beyond the grave --
Hanako: OH COME ON!
Everyone stops and turns as Hanako steps out from behind the dumpster. With one hand hidden behind her back, she raises the other and waves timidly as the men in oni masks turn their full attention to her.
Hanako: Hi.
Producing a brick from behind her, she throws it hard into the face of the oni mask that was talking, knocking him immediately unconscious! Before the other three can react, Hector leaps and dropkicks one of them, caving in his mask and sending him ragdolling into the brick wall behind him! Victor pumps his fist.
Victor: Excelente patada voladora!
He rushes the second masked man as he readies his sword, leaping and executing a picture perfect satellite flying headscissors before impossibly rising into a seated position on the man's shoulders, pummeling his face with rapid fire punches... and then planting him head first into the pavement with a hurricanrana! Hector looks up from his kneeling position, offering a thumbs up to his brother.
Hector: Picture perfect!
The fourth masked man, frozen as his partners are taken out, turns and looks up as Hanako leaps onto him from the dumpster, double stomping him flat into the pavement before ripping off his mask and punching him across the face, knocking him out like the rest. She looks down at the demonic mask in her hand, eyes narrowed.
Hanako: Masks... I hate... masks.
She turns, meeting the gaze of both Malvados.
Hanako: No offense --
She drops the mask on the man's chest.
Hanako: -- I think.
She turns, walking away from the scene.
Hanako: Follow me... let's talk.
They follow, exchanging a glance.
Hector: That man... he said you are from... beyond the grave.
Hanako: Yeah... what of it?
Hector: So, it's true?
She doesn't say anything.
Victor: ¡Ella es un milagro!
Hector: Like Lazarus!
Victor: ¡Como el mismo Jesús!
She turns, eyes wide... visibly taken aback.
Hanako: Dudes... no. It's not like that... at all.
Victor and Hector look at one another, then turn back to her.
Hector: As someone who has been resurrected, you must tell us the significance of the Easter Eggs.
Victor: ¿Conociste al conejo de Pascua?
Hector: We must know, Hanako!
She looks at both of them, feeling her face beginning to get hot.
Hanako: Look, all I know about the Easter Bunny... is that if we lose this match, none of us are getting baskets next year... and that's unacceptable, so let's shut our cakeholes and put together an unstoppable gameplan, okay?
Victor: ¿Sin siesta?
Hector: You heard her... time to get serious!
The room is dimly lit.
Omori Fancy-goods Company.
Having been abandoned for at least five years, there are no employees or roaming security guards to tell Hanako that she can't use the derelict plush factory as her own personal Barbie Dreamhouse. Sitting on a makeshift throne of aging, dirty stuffed animals, Hanako watches as Victor stands before her with Hector at his side, moving his hands about in animated fashion as he speaks aloud, voice echoing in the vast, silent chamber.
Victor: Imagine this Hanako, telling a team that beat you, that is the longest reigning Duos champions in the history of TPW, the duos of the year for two years in a row AND the recently inducted into the Hall Of Fame… to get in line? Seriously?
Hector: No hermano, today I’m the one that speaks English.
Victor: Orale guey, entrale then!
Hector: Dude, you sounded so Mexican right now, we no Mexican!
Victor: Sorry, it’s just that if I say an expression in Salvadoran, none of them will get it because they are poorly cultured.
Hector: Hmm, si, tienez razón.
Victor: Mucha razón.
Hanako: Can we focus please?
Victor: ARRIBA LA RAZA!
Hector and Hanako give Victor the stink eye.
Victor: Too mucho?
Hanako: Mucho si!
Victor: Muy bien Hanako! I mean, perdon…
Hector: ANY-WAY! Where were we? OH right… Imagine telling a team that beat you, that is the longest reigning Duos champions in the history of TPW, the duos of the year for two years in a row AND the recently inducted into the Hall Of Fame… to get in line? Seriously?
Victor: Mucho seriously…. (whispers: better?)
Hanako: Yes…
Victor: ORA-EH, *ahem* carry on por favor.
Hector: The point is, because of our pedigree, because of what we have done, we should get a Duos championship match whenever we damn please… What we have been able to accomplish as a duos, they have barely begun to do… Hell, even Lights Out couldn’t do what we did, and sure they beat us.
Hanako: Twice.
Hector: Shuddup. But they could barely hang on to the titles for a few months, and these two, have they even defended those yet? Why not? Afraid to lose them already? I mean that is the only reason I can see why they would turn down the challenge from my brother and I… oh they’re saving themselves like a couple of choir singing, church going virgins for Never FORWARD SLASH FORWARD SLASH More? Well, while Knox may look like a creepy ol’ priest…
Victor: Hermano, tranquilo… no vayas allí…
Hector: Fine, I won’t go there, but they rather face them and not us and we know why. Tell’em Victor.
Victor: MUCHO MIEDO.
Hector: That’s right, they’re scared. Just like Never SLASH SLASH More were afraid of us being added to the Duos championship match at RetroMania Dos to make it a three way… Oh no, don’t bring the Malvados in!
Victor: No! Mucho evil!
Hector: What is this sissy stuff hombre? I heard that the TPW Duos division was the best that there has ever been, but everyone is afraid to fight. Everyone is afraid of the Mucho Evil Empire. Why are both teams afraid of competition? When we were the champs, we were forced into the sexy cup… and no one forces us into sex!
Victor: Um, espera hermano, a mi si me gusta que me forcen a sex... ji-jji-ti..
Hector: Ji-jji-ti?
Victor: Giggity in Spanish.
Hanako rolls her eyes.
Hector: ... We didn’t want to be in the cup, but we went into it anyway and faced whoever was placed in front of us and won while retaining the Duos championships. We have never backed away from a challenge, whether as champs or not, regardless of competition and yet, these four, simply, don’t want the smoke. Well, they can’t avoid us forever, whoever ends up the champion between them, will have to face us… Until then… I guess this stupid trios match will do.
Victor: No entiendo porque nos dan una pelea en tríos cuando nosotros queríamos pelear en pareja contra los campeones… Esta bien, ellos nos tiene miedo, entonces denlos otro equipo… Pero quien queda? Never BARRA BARRA More? Tampoco quieren pelear con nosotros… Que otros equipos hay? Hacemos la lista otra vez?
Hector: Nah, there is no need to list them, because aside from Lights Out, who are busy in singles matches, what a shocker there, there are no other teams to face that we haven’t beaten.
Victor: Pero no podían poner dos randos juntos? Eso es lo que han hecho en el pasado… Pero esta bien, entiendo esta pelea… Ponen al pajarraco Knox junto con los superhéroes de Wal-Mart para ver que tipo de DRAMA causan ya que se enfrentaran en la pay-per-view… Hay no, QUE ABURRIDO! A quien le importa? Si los Hermanos Malvado no están incluyidos en una pelea de duos, entonces la pelea será aburrida… Si los Malvados no están en el pay-per-view, entonces el evento será aburrido.. Fijense como han bajado las vendas de eventos, de mercaderia simple y sencillamente porque no estamos… Si se va Never BARRA BARRA More, le importa a la gente? No, ya se fueron una vez y a nadie le importo… Si se van Lights Out? No importan… Si se van Rouge’s Gallery, alguien llorara? Para nada! Pero esta bien, aquí estamos nosotros para salvar el día, y juntarnos con… como se llama?
Hector: Dude, she’s right here. Hanako Tohei…
Victor: Bless you.
Hector: Hermano, no seas racista.
Victor: Perdon, Hanako.
Hanako: Whatever.
Hector: Let me take over and we’ll switch it back to English so the gringos from West Virginia can stop groaning.
Victor: Jijiji…
Hector: Our new friend, Hanako here is the duos partner of la luchadora mas caliente in TPW right now: Junko Souma.
Victor: Ah, no chet?
Hector: Mucho no chet…. And while Junko is a great singles wrestlers, fighting our amigo Vaughn at the PPV for the International championship, Hanako… eh, no so much.
Victor: Entonces por que nos juntaron con ella?!
Hanako: Like he said, I’m right here!
Hector: Why? One Word hermano: venganza. In the sexy cup The Flowers of Carnage lost to Never SLASH SLASH More, and Hanako got pinned.
Victor: Oh we screwed.
Hector: Mucho screwed. I mean, no we’re not! She wants vengeance on Knox for that defeat and we want vengeance on The Gallery for being a pair of mamacitas… Technically, they should want revenge on us for costing them the sexy cup, but they choose to do nothing and it only proves our point further that they are cowards… But anyway, Hanako is motivated, she is damn good, and if Junko chose her as a partner then that’s good enough for me hermano… Together, this International Trio, will bring those 3 gringos a little color to their asses.
Victor: Um, eso no suena bien.
Hector: I just mean we gonna pound their asses with our international flava.
Victor: QUE?! No es mejor!
Hector: Um, let’s just move on… Hanako, what you got?
Hanako: You guys... like, you're kinda' dicks --
Her eyes narrow as she looks down at her fist.
Hanako: -- but you're also right.
The Malvados look at one another and nod, of course they're right.
Hanako: Matt Knox didn't just take me out of the Hurricane Hustle... he took two other things away from me and... I'm really pissed off about it, okay?
Victor: Venganza!
Hanako: I promised Junko-chan for months that I'd win that tournament for her... and not only did I lose... but I was going it alone because of that stupid dick frat boy meathead, J Mont. That means Junko didn't lose... it means I personally let the Flowers of Carnage down and... that sucks.
Victor: Mucha Venganza!
Hanako: Even worse, getting knocked out by Knox stopped me from ripping off Superunknown's ridiculous mask and finding out what he's hiding underneath.
Hector: Wait, that's worse?
Victor: No Nintendo.
Hector: Besides, I'm pretty sure he takes the mask off on his own all the time anyway. He just looks like a regular dude.
Hanako: I don't care. I hate it.
She looks at them both, narrowing her eyes.
Hanako: How do you trust someone wearing a mask? Even if it's only for a little while? And I'm not just talking about real masks like the ones you two are wearing... I'm talking about metaphorical masks --
She exhales, looking down.
Hanako: -- like the one Matt Knox wears.
Victor: Mucho deepo.
Hanako: Junko-chan thinks she can trust him just because they lit each other on fire in some dumpster company last year. I... think that's stupid. I don't know everything she's been through since we reunited, but in my experience... someone who lights you on fire isn't your friend.
Hector: This is true.
Hanako: If they're friends, where was he the entire time she was getting beaten and humiliated by J Mont, huh? Because I can tell you exactly where she was when he needed a hand with that idiot... refereeing his title match and making sure he didn't have to look over his shoulder so he could handle business.
Victor: Buen punto.
Hanako: I don't like Matt Knox... I don't trust him... and Junko-chan might be too starstruck to see it but I'm not. I've been in the company of bad men before... heck, most of the last ten years, I've been around some real --
She looks at both Malvados.
Hanako: -- bad hombres, and he might just be one of the worst there is. See, I don't trust anyone that wears a mask, including you two. They really creep me out... but at least you two, even Superunknown, are up front about your mysteriousness. I know not to let you get close... I know I need to watch my back... no offense.
Hector: Uh, none taken... I think.
Hanako: Knox's mask is his charm and his creepy smile. His mask is designed to make you trust him, to make you think he isn't a bad guy that's just latching onto you, using you... keeping himself relevant. His mask is meant to disarm you and put you at ease... so that when he reveals his true intentions, it hurts the most.
She locks onto Hector.
Hanako: If Junko-chan beats Peter Vaughn and becomes the new champion, do you really think Knox is gonna hold off on asking her for a title shot?
Hector shakes his head. She turns to Victor.
Hanako: And you know he'll do it as a "friend," right? He'll treat her like she owes him a favor and... I know she won't tell him no because, deep down, she does feel like she owes him something... but what? Who knows. She's got all these grand delusions about honor and stoicism and blah-blah samurai bullcrap.
She sighs.
Hanako: It's a fine idea... but her mistake is thinking everyone else thinks that way... when they'll intentionally use that mindset to step on her and take whatever they want. That's the difference between us. She's the closest thing to a friend I have in the entire world... but it's almost like she's looking for oppression at every turn.
She shakes her head.
Hanako: Not me.
She pushes her orange hair behind her ear.
Hanako: I've spent too much time already with the threat of my safety… my life, even… being taken away at the whim of dangerous, manipulative men. I know what they're capable of... I've been on the receiving end of it, and it cost me... everything. When I got this second chance, I made a promise... that I would never allow myself to be a victim again.
The Malvados listen intently.
Hanako: Whether she wants it or not, that promise extends to Junko-chan... I'll do whatever I have to do to protect her and if that means taking Matt Knox off the board --
She rolls her eyes.
Hanako: -- who am I kidding? Of course that means taking Matt Knox off the board.
Victor: Obvio.
Hanako: So, that's what we have to do, okay? Obviously, Jeremy the Wicked and Superunknown have to be dealt with... but I need special attention paid to Matt Knox, and... since you've beaten him in singles AND duos action? That makes you the perfect tag team partners for this task... masks or not.
Hector: At the end of the day, all that matters is that we win... but if needed, we have no issue reminding the world that humiliating El Pajarraco Knox is one of our many especialidades.
Hanako: One way or another... he needs to go.
Hector: Claro... but first, we really must address your unhealthy fixation, masks are not lame… Especially OUR masks.
Victor: We are not MaLAMEos despite what Khloe says… We mucho evil, but mucho cool too..
Hanako's shoulders slump, an annoyed expression crosses her face.
Hector: Let us show you amiga, have you ever been to El Salvador?
A week later, The Malvados have managed to bring their reluctant trios partner Hanako back to their homeland, just in time for “El Festival de la Mascara” which takes place in the departamento de Sonsonate, or Sonsonate state for our English audience. In this very small but picturesque town where The Malvados were born and where they cut their teeth, a full-on festival is taking place. Many small rides line up on the closed streets, with food vendors set-up across from them. Paper decorations hang from home to home, from business to business, of every color, each depicting a different style of mask. Balloons of different colors are also everywhere, whether in bunches or tied up individually, but all have masks prints on them. On another street, people are on either side as they watch a parade go by. Local school bands perform, teams from every school march and there are even a few floats. One, with the shapes of many masks at each side, all made with beautiful local flowers, carries the beautiful queen of the festival. In another, this one more simpler, government officials of the town wave their mask of their choosing proudly. A third float, which is in the shape of a large Malvado mask, but laid flat, blue in color but with white spiral, carries the hometown heroes, The Malvados. They may rule an evil empire everywhere else, but here, they are loved by everyone. Their float is adorned by streamers of all colors, and as they stand there, waving, throwing candies at the kids, one Hanako Tohei finds herself lost in it all, a bit freaked out by the masks everywhere, but also starting to understand and embrace the culture. Fireworks are scheduled to go off as soon as the sun sets, but since that won’t be for a little while, our trio climbs down the float once the parade route is over and find something to do. A nice lady comes over and offers them ‘elotes locos’ and while The Malvados grab one each right away, Hanako waves the lady off, and she clearly looks offended.
Victor: What are you doing? Eat!
Hanako: No, gracias.
Hector: You no like crazy corn? Son ricos!
Victor: Mucho ricos!
Hanako: I don’t even know what that is.
Victor: Ah, well it’s boiled corn on the cob… On a stick!
Hanako: I figured that part very much on my own, oddly enough.
Victor: Well the corn is then slathered with a mixture of mayonnaise, crema, and shredded cheese. The final touch is a sprinkle of chili powder, maybe some soy sauce, and a squeeze of lime juice, adding a burst of tangy and spicy flavors. It’s delicious.
Hanako: That does not sound appetizing.
Hector: Solo sierra tus ojos, y muerde!
Hanako’s shoulders drop and just for the sake of getting this over with, takes one from the lady, closes her eyes and takes a bite. Both Malvados wait with anticipation as she chews, seemingly savoring it and then opening her eyes, appearing to be very surprised.
Hanako: Wow, not… bad.
The lady smiles and goes on her way as The Malvados roll up their masks just enough so their mouths are free to enjoy the delicious treat. Once they are done, one of the Malvados, let’s say Hector, buys some cola-champagne for the trio of them and that washes down the elotes nicely.
Hanako: *burps* Hmmm, this stuff is really good.
Victor: Ha, and you haven’t even tried pupusas yet!
Hanako stops them.
Hanako: Look guys, this is all a lot of fun and all, but we need to focus on the match ahead… and yes, maybe being around masks and learning their history earlier, is making me change my point of a view a little bit, but it’s not going to help us win our match.
Hector: oh contraire mon cheri!
Victor: Que?
Hector: Sure, all of this will not help us win on Friday. But this will.
Hector snaps his finger and the whole festival comes to a stop. Hanako looks around a bit frantically, wondering how the heck Hector just did that. Just then, from the crowd who is also not moving, comes a little girl wearing a traditional gold Salvadoran dress, gold sandals and carrying a white basket with something inside it that is wrapped in orange gift wrap paper. The little girl, no older than five years old, lifts up the basket to Hanako who grabs the package inside. The little girl then runs away giggling.
Hanako: What is this?
Hector: Abrelo.
Hanako reluctantly begins to open it and to her surprise, it is a custom made luchador mask, black in color with orange accents and the letters HNK carefully handcrafted and stitched on it. She runs her fingers through all the fine detailing and then looks at the Malvados.
Hanako: I don’t know what to say.
Victor: No digas nada, solo ayudanos a ganar contra Rouges’ Gallery y Matthew Knox.
She looks at Hector.
Hector: Don’t have to say anything, just help us win Friday.
Hanako: Consider it done.
Victor extends out his fist, Hector puts his against it and they both look at Hanako who thinks about it and then fist bumps the two, nodding at the brothers and they nod back, then smile. Hector snaps his finger again and the festival resumes.
Victor: So, pupusas?!
Hanako shrugs and they go deeper into the festival, disappearing in the crowd, having fun today, but knowing that tomorrow, this newly formed alliance will be put to the test.
OOC: HUGE THANKS TO JOSH! It was great collaborating with you again!
