Post by Buster Gloves on Apr 25, 2022 11:56:08 GMT -5
<The arena goes black and the letters ZFG flash on the Jumbotron screen, synchronized with the lead guitar chord of “Bulls on Parade” by Rage Against the Machine. White spotlights flash in random directions to the beat as anticipation builds in the crowd. 10 seconds into the song, two large shadows emerge onto the stage as the spotlights begin lighting them up. 20 seconds in, the lights in the arena fade in as ZFG, Buster Gloves and Holden Ross survey the crowd. 30 seconds in, the song kicks in “Come wit it now!” and a massive pyro display goes off, first with rapid fire individual flares, then with bright white pyro wall rising up on each side of the tag team. As the chorus kicks in, the team, led first by Buster Gloves, descends the ramp, more energetic and vibing with the beat of the song.>
<Buster circles around to the hard-cam side of the ring, puts a knee up on the aprons and swings himself up to his feet, giving the hard-cam a head nod before dipping into the ring. While that’s happening, Holden stops at the ring, looks right, then left, then walks to the ring steps, then on the apron towards the hard cam. He pulls down the top rope and steps over it. In the center of the ring, Buster takes a knee before making a throat cutting gesture with his right thumb, then another across his chest, finishing the “Z”. Holden rips off his ski-mask and throws it in the crowd before approaching Buster and standing behind him facing the hard-cam from the center of the ring. He puts his hands together in front of his chest in a praying position and closes his eyes making peace with the violence he’s about to deliver. The lights cut out again and the music cuts, before the lights quick fade back in.>
<Buster is handed a microphone and speaks with Holden Ross standing guard behind.>
Welcome to the future. Thunder Pro Wrestling. The year of our lord. 2022. And I’m telling you, it’s great to be here. The air is clean. The water’s clean. Even the dirt… is clean. Stocks are way up. Golf scores are way down. And we have more water slides than we know what to do with. I’m telling you, this place is great. But it almost wasn’t. You see several weeks ago, the tag team division of this company ran into a few problems. Our friend, Thundering Terry Marshall, gave us a call and asked us to help him out.
If we should fail to get this division on the right path, the basis of this company will be in danger. Don’t worry, this will all make sense soon. We ARE professionals.
I’M THE BULL OF THE NORTH, BUSTER GLOVES!
AND I’M THE BASTARD HOLDEN ROSS!
ARE TOGETHER WE ARE…
ZFG!
While we agree that in time, this division will be the deepest and the strongest in the game. The truth is that ZFG will never be at the top of it until we have more of you, the fans of TPW, on our side. We can come out here with flashy videos. We can make threats and promises until the sun comes back up, but none of it will mean a thing until we’ve had a match together… against TPW’s best… with each of you, the TPW fans… to bear witness.
There’s no better time than right now for us to arrive. And there’s no better place than Bohemian Grove to do it.
Hey Holden, do you know the motto of the club at Bohemian Grove. <Holden shakes his head no.> They say Bohemian Grove is a place where <finger quotes> weaving spiders dare not go <end quote>. Let me explain what that means. It means that all outside concerns and business are left at the gate. Titles and status and win/loss records are left at the gate. For one night, the entire history of TPW, and the Malvados doesn’t matter. That’s why Uncle Terry made the call to bring in an outsider. And that’s why we answered.
We’ve been doing our homework about the tag team division in TPW and what we found to be lacking. Which is no surprise. Almost every tag team division in pro-wrestling sucks right now. There was a time when it was the pinnacle of the sport. But those days are long gone. Now it just seems like the destination for wrestlers who don’t have anything better to do or for bookers who are too lazy to put together a strong program. I know, I know. That’s a spicy meatball. But the truth is the truth. Every person in this building knows that the modern wrestler is self-centered. They care more about tweets than tradition. They all demand gold. But most of them aren’t willing to sacrifice an inch to make a mile.
So, what about us? What about ZFG? Do we deserve gold? To put it plainly… no. We’re too ugly to wear gold. But I am an artist, and the ring is my canvas. The Bastard here just likes the violence. What I’m saying is that we compliment each other…like the yin and the yang. Did you know equal parts gasoline and orange juice concentrate make napalm? <This comment even seems to startle Holden a little bit> Look, Uncle Terry won’t like me saying this, but I’ll say it anyway. We’re here to pick a fight. We’re here to give you the raw, ugly, truth. Zero f**** given about the repercussions.
Here’s my message. TPW deserves better. They deserve tag team matches that mean something. Matches that the fans care about. The Malvados… these masked wrestling twins… are clowns. These… Payasos… make a mockery of your company and a mockery of this business. Somehow, they managed to win your championship. Which proves only one thing… they can win. They find ways to win, even when they shouldn’t. It’s grotesque. They don’t understand honor. They don’t deserve to be champions. They don’t deserve to represent this company. Just because you put a crown on a jester, it doesn’t make him a king. It only turns the kingdom into a circus.
Two weeks from now we have a match at the pay-per-view. The Malvados are gonna try to have their fun and games, but all they’re gonna get is a good old fashioned donnybrook. An ultraviolet love-affair between the wrestling twins and ZFG. Honestly, neither team deserves to win the match. Not yet. At Bohemian Grove, sacrifices will be made, but the sacrifice is your own. Whichever team pays the greatest penance of blood and pain is the one worthy of leaving as a champion.
We are ZFG. We answered the call. And we are ready to open our veins for this company.
