Post by The Soda Pops on Aug 10, 2023 15:40:35 GMT -5
The scene opens in Sarasota, Florida. The camera zooms into a sign that reads Camelot Lakes 55+ Luxury Mobile Homes. Then the camera walks into the community. The speed quickens as the camera travels passed mobile home after mobile home. It finally comes to a stop outside a modern looking mobile home. The door to the home is open, but a screen door keeps the weird bugs of Florida outside.
Flavio: You work hard for many years, save your money, and finally get to retire here.. you come here to pretend it's not really as hot as it seems and wait for death to come take you. I tried playing games and senior's activities, I tried going to the beach, I tried mini-golf.. It was all fine, but ultimately you hope to die quietly at night.. that was my hope. Sadly, my wife Marge didn't get that end.. she was murdered.
The scene darkens and when it comes back to light, the camera is inside the mobile home. Uncle Flavio is seated in a recliner chair, and he rocks back and forth.
Flavio: I was a foreman in a Chrystler plant. I did my decades in there. This was supposed to be the time for me to enjoy my life.. but now I'm alone. Except my idiot nephews that live next door.
Flavio turned in the direction his nephews apparently lived.
Flavio: They're not over 55.. they shouldn't live here. I've hidden them over there for so long.. 20 years ago, their dreams were crushed by a wrestling organization called ICWF. They've been insane ever since.. They don't do anything. Just odd jobs, playing video games, and drinking that horrible soda. Coca Cola and Pepsi.. their obsessions. Neither of them will touch the other brand. They legally changed their names, disrespecting their family name. I married into the family, they were the blood of my wife.. but I feel a responsibility to keep them alive. They sit over there, drinking a dozen cans of soda a day each, littering them around their mobile home.. inside, and out.. just empty cans everywhere. It's a nightmare.
Flavio reached for a cup of coffee and took a sip. He moaned like an old man who just had a good sip of coffee.
Flavio: So a few weeks ago they asked me if I would come to work for them. I laughed and laughed.. they're irresponsible unemployed losers. What could they possibly have for me to do for work? Then they told me they were going back to wrestling. I was worried. Last time they lost their minds when they didn't make it as wrestlers. When the ICWF closed the door on them, I didn't know what they were going to do. Could they handle the disappointment if it happened again? I was horrified.. I said no. No wrestling.
Raising a biscotti, Flavio dipped it very deliberately into his coffee, moved it about, then carefully raised it and bit it. He moaned like an old man who just tasted some delicious biscotti and/or coffee.
Flavio: Then they said they had a job.. and they were ready to make a difference in the world and use their newfound fame to find my wife's killer. I told them I would help. So, I will be their manager and will lead them to the ring. Of course, they've been drinking soda and laying around playing video games for the past twenty years, so I'm not sure how famous they're going to be. The one, Pete Pepsi, is supposed to do high-flying maneuvers, but the only high flying he does is smoking weed and eating Cheetos. Last Winter, I asked him to hang some Christmas decorations and he was afraid of climbing the ladder.
He raised the last part of the biscotti to his mouth and ate it without the dip. He cringed, obviously not liking it as much as the dipped-bite.
Flavio: The other one, Cola, he's a big ox of a man.. He used to be big and fast.. now he's.. well, he's just big. Big and slow. But powerful like an ox. But also slow like a tortoise. Poop.. I don't know why they're doing this.
The laughter of children is heard in the distance and Flavio's generally cheerful demeanor changes. He looked angry. Grabbing a walking stick he headed toward the door, not using the stick to assist his walk. He swung open the door and swung the stick up into the air, shaking it madly.
Flavio: ATTENTION CHILDREN! Get off my lawn! I will END YOU!
Flavio turns around and sees that the camera is still filming. He smiles awkwardly and shrugs, mumbling "somebody's gotta teach these kids.." The older man made his way back to his chair and had a seat. He looked at the camera and was back to his charming self.
Narrator: And now it's time for Uncle Flavio's Words of Wisdom.
A weird 1980s style theme song played with lyrics that said "Words of Wisdom, words of wisdom. Come give us those words of wisdom. Wisdom."
Flavio: Never use another man's wife's bottle opener without asking permission first.
Narrator: This has been Uncle Flavio's Words of Wisdom.
The theme song began playing again... "Words of Wisdom, words of wisdom. Come give us those words of wisdom. Wisdom." It continued with an instrumental version and either a studio audience or a clapping-track played. Uncle Flavio looked at the camera, nodded, and appeared pleased with himself. The scene fades slowly to darkness.
