Post by Chris Page on Sept 10, 2023 17:46:03 GMT -5
“What in the actual f**k?”
The voice of Candice Page is heard as our scene opens at an undisclosed location with Candice showing confusion on her face while Chris looks on with a gleeful smile.
CHRIS PAGE: This has to be him.
CANDICE PAGE: How do you not know your opponent?
CHRIS PAGE: You know how this industry is. Everyone thinks they’re somebody, in this case, I forgot I was dealing with a national treasure.
Chris and Candice approach the backside of a muscular man with long hair.
CANDICE PAGE: Why do I feel like this is about to go horribly wrong?
Chris calls out.
CHRIS PAGE: Zomart!
The figure turns around…
FABIO: Can I help you?
Chris and Candice stop in their tracks.
CHRIS PAGE: Wait, aren’t you the butter guy?
Candice snaps a selfie with Fabio from the distance she is away.
FABIO: I can’t believe it’s not butter.
Candice mutters under her breath.
CANDICE PAGE: I can’t believe it’s not Zohan.
CHRIS PAGE: I thought that was you… those commercials sucked.
Fabio walks toward Chris with a purpose and without batting an eyelash or a single strand of his luscious locks coming out of place Fabio decks Chris Page with an uppercut that sends Chris sailing into the blue skies above.
**********
No holds barred.
I like the sound of that.
No rules. No excuses. No more playing games. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not too familiar with you, bud. It has nothing to do with my lack of attention to the business and everything to do with just who you are and how you’ve done NOTHING to separate yourself from the cookie-cutter badasses that run around screaming at the top of their lungs for attention. The sheer bland nature that exudes from your pores while you desperately want the world to believe that you belong.
You don’t.
I’m not so sure if you’ve been paying attention but over the last several weeks I’ve retained a Championship inside Hell in a Cell, I’ve walked through the streets of Las Vegas shedding the blood of my own, and I’ve successfully knocked off yet another team of fools that thought they could topple CCPE. I don’t have to pretend to be that badass, I don’t have to scream from the rooftops, and I don’t have to convince anyone that I belong in any conversation.
Gladiators Ball isn’t going to be your finest hour.
It’s going to be your public execution.
**********
Chris batted his eyes as he lay on his back looking up into a grey sky. He slowly sat up and looked around to see the dismal state of an abandoned theme park.
CHRIS PAGE: CANDICE?!
Chris screams out but hears nothing but his voice echoing while he finds his way to his feet and dusts himself off before he focuses on something that causes his eyes to grow wide.
CHRIS PAGE: I FOUND YOU!
Chris walks up to Zoltar.
CHRIS PAGE: You think you’re a tough guy, eh?
Chris smacks the plexiglass which suddenly causes the machine to kick on and spit out a card from the slot under the glass. Chris reaches down and takes the card and reads it out loud.
CHRIS PAGE: Don’t mess with the Zoltan.
Chris gazes back at Zoltar.
CHRIS PAGE: Nerd.
Chris thumps the card at the plexiglass and as soon as it makes contact with the glass a bolt of lightning explodes from the machine and hits Chris directly in the chest knocking him out of contact.
**********
You say that you don’t care for the Cabal, you claim that this is just a means to an end to get your name on the ballot for a future International Title opportunity. That makes two of us because I have never lost a SINGLES match for the International Title, and conveniently I’ve never been granted a SINGLES return match for said title that I didn’t lose in the first place, right Buster? You robbed me of that opportunity at the Bohemian Bash, so now it’s my turn to legitimately rob you of yours by beating you within an inch of your worthless life and effectively ending this notion that you belong in the same conversation.
You are entering a world of pain, a world of pain.
**********
Chris slowly starts to come to his senses as he sits up and immediately looks down at his chest where he expects to see some sort of signs of burning on his t-shirt yet nothing is there. He observes his surroundings and finds himself in a basement apartment of sorts. He hears the sounds of a few male voices. Chris looks for a place to hide, but there’s nowhere. Two guys dressed in bubble wrap suits enter the basement.
DUDE 1: Chris Page.
Chris sizes up both dudes.
CHRIS PAGE: Depends on whose asking.
DUDE 2: Zoltan…
DUDE 1 and 2: Zoltan.
They simultaneously state while throwing both hands in the form of a “z” before dropping them to their sides.
DUDE 1: … Will see you now.
CHRIS PAGE: Who?
DUDE 2: Zoltan.
Dudes 1 and 2 repeat the “z” symbol while stating.
DUDE 1 and 2: Zoltan.
Chris giggles under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: Finally I get to know just who this guy is. Let’s go.
The two dudes lead Chris out of the basement and we end up in a large barn where 20-30 more dudes and dudettes are in buddle wrap suits with excitement in the air. The room becomes eerily quiet when Chris enters the room. All heads turn his way.
CHRIS PAGE: Sup?
Chris is led to a small stage where he waits.
CHRIS PAGE: Where is this Zoltan?
The entire room breaks into the “Z” pose while saying ZOLTAN out loud.
CHRIS PAGE: Why the heck do y’all do that?
Before anyone can answer a massive round of applause when running onto the stage.
ZOLTAN: Chris Page.
CHRIS PAGE: And you are?
ZOLTAN: I am Zoltan!
The entire room throws up the “Z” sign while shouting out ZOLTAN.
ZOLTAN: And we have a problem.
CHRIS PAGE: Oh yeah, what’s that?
ZOLTAN: In an alternate universe we are about to have a fight.
A lightbulb, a LITERAL lightbulb appears above Chris’s head.
CHRIS PAGE: I get it now! All of this is me bouncing to different dimensions! Fabio still doesn’t make a lot of sense but the rest of you do!
ZOLTAN: I need you to leave my face intact.
CHRIS PAGE: I can’t guarantee that.
ZOLTAN: It would mean an awful lot to all of us here if you could find it in your heart…
CHRIS PAGE: Pfft. Nerds.
Chris turns to make an exit when he’s jumped on by the Bubble Wrap Army. Nothing but the sounds of bubbles popping is heard as Page disappears into the masses.
**********
We can point fingers back and forth about who did what and why we’re here because we are both validating our own points of view. Throughout the entire ordeal, I do want to point out that there’s but one of us who hasn’t had to try to convince the masses of anything. Nobody but you has stepped in front of the camera to profess how great they are when the truth is pretty simple. Any dude that rocks a Man-Bun lost their toughness points the moment they locked that rubberband in place.
Don’t worry, I’ll slap you so hard I’ll knock the Man-Bun off you.
The party started at the Bash but it’s going to end at the Ball, but unlike most Ball, I’m not going to be asking for your hand to dance, I’ll not be whispering sweet nothings in your ear, I won’t be trying to fill a glass slipper with your foot… instead I’ll be concerning myself with rearranging your face with my fist.
*********
Chris takes a deep breath while opening his eyes as he finds himself in a fetal position on the floor. Chris glances around and finds the Bubble Brigade nowhere in sight. Chris gets up and dusts himself again while not recognizing his surroundings.
CHRIS PAGE: I’ve got to find a way back to my own dimension or Zoltar isn’t going to have to worry about me jacking up his face.
“What did you say?”
A voice rings out from behind Chris. Chris slowly turns around where he finds…
Chris whispers under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: For f***s sake.
The Zohan points a hairdryer at Chris as a single tumbleweed blows across the dirt street.
ZOHAN: Stop making fun of my manbun.
CHRIS PAGE: Or?
The Zohan turns on the hairdryer.
CHRIS PAGE: Oh no! You’re going to blow me to death.
Chris takes a second to realize what he’s just said before shaking it off as he gets into a fighting stance that is channeling his inner Karate Kid with both arms up in the air, hands crimped down and his right leg up while being bent at the knee.
CHRIS PAGE: I’m going to kick your head off!
ZOHAN: NO YOU’RE NOT!
The Zohan charges toward Chris Page who doesn’t move until The Zohan gets close enough for Page to uncoil with a jumping kick, yet before it can connect The Zohan lands a superkick from an unseen third leg that sends Page flying backward to the dirt road. The Zohan leaps toward Chris with the hairdryer aimed at Page’s forehead when suddenly a Phone Booth flies down from the skies and crashes down on top of the Zohan in midair smashing him into the ground as he lands.
Chris backs away from the phone booth.
The doors open and out peaks THE Tristan Slater.
CHRIS PAGE: What the hell are you doing here?
THE TRISTAN SLATER: A little birdie told me you have been lost in dimensions. It was just a matter of time before I stumbled across you.
Tristan exits the phone booth and walks over to Chris where he reaches down to help Page up. Chris grabs ahold of his Cabal brethren’s hand and is helped off the ground.
CHRIS PAGE: So Mac wasn’t lying.
Chris states while looking at the phone booth.
THE TRISTAN SLATER: Shocking, right?
Tristan enters the phone booth and calls for Chris.
THE TRISTAN SLATER: Come on or you’re going to get beat by a Zolton.
Chris mutters under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: It’s Zohan. Pfft.
Chris steps into the phone booth. The doors shut behind him before the boot disappears into the dirt. Next stop… Gladiator’s Ball.
**********
I’m not going to lie. I don’t know how I’ll look Peter, El D, Mac Bane, Tristan, or Alexander in the eye if I come up short on this one. There’s no way I’ll get myself in a position to get back to Vaughn if I can’t start stringing things together. The good news is No Holds Barred is right down my alley, The bad news is I’ve got to deal with a generic heel that spouts out any and everything that sounds cool in his head. I have no doubts you’re a tough dude or that you’re not going to bring me a solid fight.
… but then the bell is going to ring.
What unfolds next is going to be something of biblical proportions.
I shocked the Thunder Pro Universe when I put down the unbeatable.
Now it’s time to do it again. The Bash is in the rearview, the easy way of getting to the top slipped through my fingers… that’s fine. I prefer the hard way.
I know who you are.
Zolton.
The fun and games are over. If it’s a monster you want to tangle with then allow me to knock on that door; but be careful, be mindful of the beasts that rest inside our closets because some are greater than others… and mine despises guys like you. I’m not sure if you’ve met, but I think I’ll introduce you to the badass that resides inside of me.
Beasts are real.
Especially mine.
This is the part where you run
The voice of Candice Page is heard as our scene opens at an undisclosed location with Candice showing confusion on her face while Chris looks on with a gleeful smile.
CHRIS PAGE: This has to be him.
CANDICE PAGE: How do you not know your opponent?
CHRIS PAGE: You know how this industry is. Everyone thinks they’re somebody, in this case, I forgot I was dealing with a national treasure.
Chris and Candice approach the backside of a muscular man with long hair.
CANDICE PAGE: Why do I feel like this is about to go horribly wrong?
Chris calls out.
CHRIS PAGE: Zomart!
The figure turns around…
FABIO: Can I help you?
Chris and Candice stop in their tracks.
CHRIS PAGE: Wait, aren’t you the butter guy?
Candice snaps a selfie with Fabio from the distance she is away.
FABIO: I can’t believe it’s not butter.
Candice mutters under her breath.
CANDICE PAGE: I can’t believe it’s not Zohan.
CHRIS PAGE: I thought that was you… those commercials sucked.
Fabio walks toward Chris with a purpose and without batting an eyelash or a single strand of his luscious locks coming out of place Fabio decks Chris Page with an uppercut that sends Chris sailing into the blue skies above.
**********
No holds barred.
I like the sound of that.
No rules. No excuses. No more playing games. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not too familiar with you, bud. It has nothing to do with my lack of attention to the business and everything to do with just who you are and how you’ve done NOTHING to separate yourself from the cookie-cutter badasses that run around screaming at the top of their lungs for attention. The sheer bland nature that exudes from your pores while you desperately want the world to believe that you belong.
You don’t.
I’m not so sure if you’ve been paying attention but over the last several weeks I’ve retained a Championship inside Hell in a Cell, I’ve walked through the streets of Las Vegas shedding the blood of my own, and I’ve successfully knocked off yet another team of fools that thought they could topple CCPE. I don’t have to pretend to be that badass, I don’t have to scream from the rooftops, and I don’t have to convince anyone that I belong in any conversation.
Gladiators Ball isn’t going to be your finest hour.
It’s going to be your public execution.
**********
Chris batted his eyes as he lay on his back looking up into a grey sky. He slowly sat up and looked around to see the dismal state of an abandoned theme park.
CHRIS PAGE: CANDICE?!
Chris screams out but hears nothing but his voice echoing while he finds his way to his feet and dusts himself off before he focuses on something that causes his eyes to grow wide.
CHRIS PAGE: I FOUND YOU!
Chris walks up to Zoltar.
CHRIS PAGE: You think you’re a tough guy, eh?
Chris smacks the plexiglass which suddenly causes the machine to kick on and spit out a card from the slot under the glass. Chris reaches down and takes the card and reads it out loud.
CHRIS PAGE: Don’t mess with the Zoltan.
Chris gazes back at Zoltar.
CHRIS PAGE: Nerd.
Chris thumps the card at the plexiglass and as soon as it makes contact with the glass a bolt of lightning explodes from the machine and hits Chris directly in the chest knocking him out of contact.
**********
You say that you don’t care for the Cabal, you claim that this is just a means to an end to get your name on the ballot for a future International Title opportunity. That makes two of us because I have never lost a SINGLES match for the International Title, and conveniently I’ve never been granted a SINGLES return match for said title that I didn’t lose in the first place, right Buster? You robbed me of that opportunity at the Bohemian Bash, so now it’s my turn to legitimately rob you of yours by beating you within an inch of your worthless life and effectively ending this notion that you belong in the same conversation.
You are entering a world of pain, a world of pain.
**********
Chris slowly starts to come to his senses as he sits up and immediately looks down at his chest where he expects to see some sort of signs of burning on his t-shirt yet nothing is there. He observes his surroundings and finds himself in a basement apartment of sorts. He hears the sounds of a few male voices. Chris looks for a place to hide, but there’s nowhere. Two guys dressed in bubble wrap suits enter the basement.
DUDE 1: Chris Page.
Chris sizes up both dudes.
CHRIS PAGE: Depends on whose asking.
DUDE 2: Zoltan…
DUDE 1 and 2: Zoltan.
They simultaneously state while throwing both hands in the form of a “z” before dropping them to their sides.
DUDE 1: … Will see you now.
CHRIS PAGE: Who?
DUDE 2: Zoltan.
Dudes 1 and 2 repeat the “z” symbol while stating.
DUDE 1 and 2: Zoltan.
Chris giggles under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: Finally I get to know just who this guy is. Let’s go.
The two dudes lead Chris out of the basement and we end up in a large barn where 20-30 more dudes and dudettes are in buddle wrap suits with excitement in the air. The room becomes eerily quiet when Chris enters the room. All heads turn his way.
CHRIS PAGE: Sup?
Chris is led to a small stage where he waits.
CHRIS PAGE: Where is this Zoltan?
The entire room breaks into the “Z” pose while saying ZOLTAN out loud.
CHRIS PAGE: Why the heck do y’all do that?
Before anyone can answer a massive round of applause when running onto the stage.
ZOLTAN: Chris Page.
CHRIS PAGE: And you are?
ZOLTAN: I am Zoltan!
The entire room throws up the “Z” sign while shouting out ZOLTAN.
ZOLTAN: And we have a problem.
CHRIS PAGE: Oh yeah, what’s that?
ZOLTAN: In an alternate universe we are about to have a fight.
A lightbulb, a LITERAL lightbulb appears above Chris’s head.
CHRIS PAGE: I get it now! All of this is me bouncing to different dimensions! Fabio still doesn’t make a lot of sense but the rest of you do!
ZOLTAN: I need you to leave my face intact.
CHRIS PAGE: I can’t guarantee that.
ZOLTAN: It would mean an awful lot to all of us here if you could find it in your heart…
CHRIS PAGE: Pfft. Nerds.
Chris turns to make an exit when he’s jumped on by the Bubble Wrap Army. Nothing but the sounds of bubbles popping is heard as Page disappears into the masses.
**********
We can point fingers back and forth about who did what and why we’re here because we are both validating our own points of view. Throughout the entire ordeal, I do want to point out that there’s but one of us who hasn’t had to try to convince the masses of anything. Nobody but you has stepped in front of the camera to profess how great they are when the truth is pretty simple. Any dude that rocks a Man-Bun lost their toughness points the moment they locked that rubberband in place.
Don’t worry, I’ll slap you so hard I’ll knock the Man-Bun off you.
The party started at the Bash but it’s going to end at the Ball, but unlike most Ball, I’m not going to be asking for your hand to dance, I’ll not be whispering sweet nothings in your ear, I won’t be trying to fill a glass slipper with your foot… instead I’ll be concerning myself with rearranging your face with my fist.
*********
Chris takes a deep breath while opening his eyes as he finds himself in a fetal position on the floor. Chris glances around and finds the Bubble Brigade nowhere in sight. Chris gets up and dusts himself again while not recognizing his surroundings.
CHRIS PAGE: I’ve got to find a way back to my own dimension or Zoltar isn’t going to have to worry about me jacking up his face.
“What did you say?”
A voice rings out from behind Chris. Chris slowly turns around where he finds…
Chris whispers under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: For f***s sake.
The Zohan points a hairdryer at Chris as a single tumbleweed blows across the dirt street.
ZOHAN: Stop making fun of my manbun.
CHRIS PAGE: Or?
The Zohan turns on the hairdryer.
CHRIS PAGE: Oh no! You’re going to blow me to death.
Chris takes a second to realize what he’s just said before shaking it off as he gets into a fighting stance that is channeling his inner Karate Kid with both arms up in the air, hands crimped down and his right leg up while being bent at the knee.
CHRIS PAGE: I’m going to kick your head off!
ZOHAN: NO YOU’RE NOT!
The Zohan charges toward Chris Page who doesn’t move until The Zohan gets close enough for Page to uncoil with a jumping kick, yet before it can connect The Zohan lands a superkick from an unseen third leg that sends Page flying backward to the dirt road. The Zohan leaps toward Chris with the hairdryer aimed at Page’s forehead when suddenly a Phone Booth flies down from the skies and crashes down on top of the Zohan in midair smashing him into the ground as he lands.
Chris backs away from the phone booth.
The doors open and out peaks THE Tristan Slater.
CHRIS PAGE: What the hell are you doing here?
THE TRISTAN SLATER: A little birdie told me you have been lost in dimensions. It was just a matter of time before I stumbled across you.
Tristan exits the phone booth and walks over to Chris where he reaches down to help Page up. Chris grabs ahold of his Cabal brethren’s hand and is helped off the ground.
CHRIS PAGE: So Mac wasn’t lying.
Chris states while looking at the phone booth.
THE TRISTAN SLATER: Shocking, right?
Tristan enters the phone booth and calls for Chris.
THE TRISTAN SLATER: Come on or you’re going to get beat by a Zolton.
Chris mutters under his breath.
CHRIS PAGE: It’s Zohan. Pfft.
Chris steps into the phone booth. The doors shut behind him before the boot disappears into the dirt. Next stop… Gladiator’s Ball.
**********
I’m not going to lie. I don’t know how I’ll look Peter, El D, Mac Bane, Tristan, or Alexander in the eye if I come up short on this one. There’s no way I’ll get myself in a position to get back to Vaughn if I can’t start stringing things together. The good news is No Holds Barred is right down my alley, The bad news is I’ve got to deal with a generic heel that spouts out any and everything that sounds cool in his head. I have no doubts you’re a tough dude or that you’re not going to bring me a solid fight.
… but then the bell is going to ring.
What unfolds next is going to be something of biblical proportions.
I shocked the Thunder Pro Universe when I put down the unbeatable.
Now it’s time to do it again. The Bash is in the rearview, the easy way of getting to the top slipped through my fingers… that’s fine. I prefer the hard way.
I know who you are.
Zolton.
The fun and games are over. If it’s a monster you want to tangle with then allow me to knock on that door; but be careful, be mindful of the beasts that rest inside our closets because some are greater than others… and mine despises guys like you. I’m not sure if you’ve met, but I think I’ll introduce you to the badass that resides inside of me.
Beasts are real.
Especially mine.
This is the part where you run
